A woman once said something to me that I haven’t forgotten: “Every retirement article I read seems to be written for someone who has money.”
She had worked most of her adult life. She paid her bills. She supported herself. But there was no large 401(k). No pension. No impressive investment account waiting for her.
“So where,” she asked, “are the retirement articles for women like me?”
That’s a fair question.
We talk a great deal about how much people should save for retirement. We talk about investment strategies, withdrawal rates, travel budgets and leaving money to our children. (I’ve written extensively on these topics and more, and you can find those articles on my Sixty and Me page.)
But those conversations can sound very different to someone approaching retirement wondering how she will pay next month’s electric bill.
Not everyone arrives at retirement with a comfortable financial cushion. And if that’s you, I want to begin somewhere different.
Not with what you should have done 20 years ago. With where you are today.
It’s remarkably easy to turn money into a measure of personal success. Someone with a large retirement account must have done things right. Someone without one must have done something wrong.
Life is rarely that simple.
And yes, some of us would make different financial decisions if we could go back and do it again. But none of that changes where we are today.
Regret can teach us something. What it cannot do is fund retirement. At some point, we have to stop looking backward long enough to ask: What can I do with what I have now?
Your retirement account is a financial statement. It is not a report card on your life.
When people feel financially behind, there’s a natural temptation to avoid looking closely at the numbers. I understand why. Sometimes not knowing feels easier than confirming what we’re afraid might be true.
But uncertainty has a way of making problems feel larger. Knowing where you actually stand gives you something much more useful: A starting point.
The purpose isn’t to judge the answers. It’s to see the entire picture. You cannot make thoughtful decisions from numbers you’re afraid to look at.
Retirement resources aren’t limited to a 401(k).
Sometimes the first step toward feeling less trapped isn’t using a resource.
It’s discovering that the resource exists.
One of the dangers of feeling financially behind is believing that only a dramatic solution could make a difference.
If you don’t have $500,000 saved, what’s the point of saving another $100?
If you can’t completely transform your finances, why bother changing anything?
But retirement isn’t lived in a spreadsheet. It’s lived month by month.
No single adjustment has to solve everything. Sometimes several modest improvements can create meaningful breathing room.
Money can carry an extraordinary amount of shame. People who are struggling often believe everyone else has retirement figured out.
They don’t. Some simply talk about it more confidently.
If you’re worried about your finances, there is no shame in asking for help understanding Social Security, Medicare, housing programs, tax issues, community resources or your financial options.
You don’t have to announce your finances to the world. But you also don’t have to figure everything out alone. Sometimes one knowledgeable person can point out an option you didn’t know existed.
Information doesn’t solve every problem. But it can replace helplessness with choices.
For homeowners, housing often becomes one of the biggest pieces of the retirement puzzle. A woman can have very little cash savings while owning a home with substantial equity. That does not automatically mean the home should be used to fund retirement.
Housing provides something money cannot always measure: stability, familiarity, independence and a place to belong. But ignoring the value of the home simply because it isn’t sitting in a bank account doesn’t make sense either.
Understanding the home-equity options available in retirement doesn’t require you to choose any of them. It simply means the home becomes part of the conversation rather than an asset we’re afraid to discuss.
This may be the hardest part.
There is no financial decision you can make today that will give you back the money you didn’t save 20 years ago.
There is no investment strategy that can rewrite your working life.
There is no benefit in repeatedly punishing yourself for decisions made by a younger version of you who may have had completely different responsibilities, opportunities and information.
But there may be decisions you can make today that improve the next 20 years.
That’s where your attention deserves to be.
Not: “Why didn’t I?”
But: “What can I do now?”
That’s a much more powerful question.
There’s another expectation worth letting go of: Retirement doesn’t have to mean cruises, golf courses and a second home somewhere warm.
A good retirement doesn’t have a minimum purchase price.
There is dignity and pleasure in a simple life.
Financial limitations are real, and I don’t want to pretend otherwise. But a meaningful life and an expensive life are not the same thing.
Maybe you didn’t arrive at retirement with the number you once hoped for. That matters. Money matters. Financial security matters. Pretending otherwise wouldn’t be helpful.
But the number in your retirement account does not erase everything else you’ve built.
You cannot begin retirement from where someone else is. You can only begin from where you are. And where you are is still a place from which you can move forward.
Not by pretending the challenges aren’t real. Not by comparing yourself with someone whose life looked completely different from yours. But by understanding what you have, asking for information when you need it, and making the best decisions available to you today.
Maybe that’s what starting from where you are really means. Not giving up on the future because the past didn’t unfold perfectly. But deciding that the years ahead are still worth planning for.
If your retirement looks financially different from what you once imagined, what adjustment – or change in perspective – has helped you most? Do you tend to compare your retirement situation with someone else’s, or do you prefer to look at your own state and make the best of it?
Best article I have read on your sixty and me site. Please, more on this topic!
Judy,
Thank you so much for saying that. I really appreciate it. This is a topic that deserves much more attention because so many people reach retirement carrying real financial concerns that are rarely talked about openly. I’ll absolutely be writing more about practical options, difficult decisions, and ways to move forward without judgment. Thank you for reading — and for letting me know this topic resonated with you.
Warmly
Moe
There are many reasons why some women slip into retirement with very little financial back up. Superannuation wasnt available for many years in my earlier working days. Then due to a divorce the bit of super I did have was used to set myself up again. I needed furniture and household goods and a reliable car as gave in to my ex as it was a price for the ticket I chose to pay to remove him from my life.
Some time later I met another partner who, at the time I trusted. Unfortunately again I let him live with me in the house I paid for. Only a few years later we split up and he took half of the part of the house I owned, which meant now I had a major loss. So needed to rent again and Ive never re covered from that.
In hindsight I lacked wisdom back then & im thankful for what I have now. I receive a pension and grateful for that. Ive always been frugal, but not stingy. I enjoy my life, spend some and save a little where I can.
Very good article for many of us women (and men also).
Tessa, thank you for sharing this so openly. Your story is exactly why I believe we need more honest conversations about retirement. Financial outcomes are not simply the result of whether someone “planned well” or “saved enough.” Divorce, starting over, trusting the wrong person, housing losses, caregiving, changes in retirement systems and the realities of earlier working years can all have lasting effects.
What also stands out in your comment is the perspective you have now. You have been through difficult setbacks, but you’ve found a way to live within your means, enjoy your life, spend thoughtfully and still save a little when you can. That balance matters.
I also appreciate your point that this applies to men as well as women. There are many people entering retirement with less financial cushion than they expected, and they deserve practical information without judgment.
Thank you again for adding your experience to the conversation.
This is the first honest article I’ve seen about what many if not most women are experiencing in retirement. In spite of being highly educated, our reality is widowhood, divorce, jobs without pensions/401ks, sick or disabled spouses, and a history of childrearing that kept us at home or working part time. I know so many who are still working well into their 70s and 80s to keep a roof over their heads. Those who have affluent retirements were just lucky.
Wow! What an inspirational article — I thought that these “financial circumstances” applied ONLY to me and to people who did not make good financial decisions regarding their retirement, but I am glad to know that I am not alone and that there are other reasons why a person is not “financially prepared” once they retire.
For instance, because of health reasons, I chose to retire three years before my full retirement age — frustrating, indeed! Since the SSA penalizes people who retire before their FRA, by taking about 30% of the money they would have received upon retirement, it was my intentions to retire at 67. Life sometimes make our choices, though!
Anyway, I decided to apply for financial assistance through my local department of community and health services. They NOT only pay my healthcare co-insurance, but they also help me pay for my medicine, and the SSA pay my Medicare premiums— $202.90! I also receive SNAAP!
Perhaps some of you out there might want to apply for either local or federal benefits — you just might get them! Good luck!!!
Hi Cheryl,
Thank you for sharing this. Your comment illustrates something I really hoped this article would communicate: reaching retirement with less than you planned does not automatically mean you made poor financial decisions.
Sometimes life changes the plan for us. Your health affected the timing of your retirement, and you had to make the best decision you could with the circumstances in front of you.
What I especially appreciate is what you did next. Rather than assuming you simply had to struggle with less, you asked what assistance was available—and discovered programs that are now helping with several significant expenses. That’s an important lesson for anyone reading this.
There can be a great deal of hesitation or even embarrassment around asking about public benefits. But if someone legitimately qualifies for assistance, finding out what is available can make a meaningful difference in everyday life.
And I love that you’re now encouraging other women to investigate their own options. Your experience may be exactly what someone else reading these comments needs to hear today.
Thank you for being so open about your story, Cheryl. I’m very glad the article helped you realize that you’re not alone.
Warmly,
Moe
Excellent article that addresses a perspective no one talks about. The implication becomes everyone else is prepared except you, and it’s all your fault. Now it’s too late. However, there are many reasons other than past financial mistakes resulting in insufficient retirement. Thank you for your forwarding thinking without judgement, and outlining informative next steps. At the end of every month I recess my bottomline of resources. As a widow, my house is my largest asset, SS, and some savings. Without family, I look to it as my final recourse for funds if needed for in home care or support for a nursing home. Also, I’m making provisions for my two devoted dogs should I die first. All is the reality of life and while I am able, I try to plan as best I can. We have to just do what we can with what we have. Aging alone can be intimidating but as women, we have made it thus far through years of unimagined challenges. With faith and planning we will make it all the way! I push to not let my age (76) discourage me. In the process I try to stay positive.
Hi Hopeful,
Thank you for such a thoughtful comment. Your line “we have to just do what we can with what we have” really stayed with me. In many ways, that’s the heart of this article.
I also admire how deliberately you’re looking at your situation—reviewing your resources regularly, thinking ahead about possible care needs, considering the role your home might eventually play, and even making provisions for your two dogs. That’s planning grounded in the life you’re actually living rather than the retirement someone else thinks you should have.
Aging without family nearby can understandably feel intimidating, but I especially appreciated your reminder of how much women have already navigated by the time we reach this stage of life. We sometimes forget to include our own resilience among our resources
.
At 76, you sound very much engaged in planning for your future rather than being defined by your age. Thank you for sharing such an honest and hopeful perspective. I think many women aging on their own will recognize themselves in your words.
Warmly,
Moe
I have tried twice to request your e-book on reverse mortgages at the link listed but have not received a reply. How do I go about getting that information?
Hi Hopeful,
I’m sorry about that, and thank you for letting me know. If you’ve requested the e-book twice and haven’t received it, something clearly didn’t work as intended.
Rather than have you try again, here is the direct link to the e-book:
Unlocking Home Equity
You should be able to access it immediately.
I also appreciate you bringing this to my attention. I’m going to check the request process to see why you didn’t receive it.
I hope you find the e-book helpful, and please feel free to ask if anything you read raises a question.
Warmly,
Moe
Thank you so much! Thank you so much for your quick response. That worked. I really appreciate the help! Blessings!