Today, I want to talk about 3 senior dating mindsets that hold women in their 50s and 60s back. It may be hard to admit it, but, often, we are our own worst enemies when it comes to dating. So, let’s explore this topic together!
Here’s a reality check about how we fall in love. A man falls in love with a woman for exactly who she is. If a man likes you, he likes what he sees, and he has no interest whatsoever in changing who you are.
On the other hand, us ladies fall in love with a man’s potential. We start thinking if we could get him to change this one little thing, he’d be perfect.
He would be perfect, until he changes that one thing and then what happens? We see more potential and want him to change something else that could make him even better.
Falling in love with a man’s potential sets you up to fail at finding the relationship you want. Why? Because a man doesn’t want to be your fix-up project. In the beginning, he may like the attention, but over time, he will feel like who he is just isn’t enough for you.
And that leads to trouble! No man wants to look ‘less than’ in your eyes. Unless he chooses to make changes, he doesn’t want a woman trying to make him a better version of himself.
Divorce is hard on the soul, and the idea of making another relationship mistake can be terrifying. So you start protecting yourself subconsciously by looking for the Perfect Man.
You analyze everything about him to make sure he’s right. You find faults when they don’t exist, and you make excuses not to get involved so you stay safe.
Over time, your list of qualities grows longer and longer, and if he’s missing even one ‘must have quality,’ he doesn’t stand a chance with you. Looking for Mr. Perfect this way means you’re playing it safe. You’re guarding your heart so you won’t get hurt again.
Along the path to finding true love, chances are you’ll experience what I call practice relationships. Usually, your first relationship or two aren’t with ‘the one.’ But you need these interactions to figure out what you do and don’t like in a relationship.
Yes, you might get hurt along the way, but you’ll also have moments of pure joy and bliss you’d have missed hiding behind the hunt for the perfect man.
So many women tell me they’ve passed on a man because although he was cute, they didn’t feel immediate chemistry with him. Here’s something to think about when it comes to using chemistry as your way of identifying the right man.
Immediate chemistry is nothing more than a release of the bonding hormone, oxytocin. It feels good, but it can also cloud your judgment about a man and can lead you to passing up good men.
You do want immediate attraction when you meet a new man. If he is a good guy and you think he’s cute, give him a chance. The chemistry can happen over time.
When it does, this type of chemistry is sustainable – unlike that hot chemistry so many women look for which burns out because sex is the main bond, not friendship. You want both.
Maybe we were smarter in our youth than we thought. We weren’t looking for immediate chemistry. We just had fun hanging out together, laughing, playing and getting to know each other. Could be worth trying again at this time in your life.
You might find a slow burn turns into a hot sizzle based on the total connection you create with a man versus just a connection based on chemistry.
What do you think has prevented you from finding the man and the relationship that you want in your 60s? Do you think that having immediate chemistry with a man is the most important criteria for a strong relationship? Please share your thoughts and experiences below.
Tags Senior Dating Advice