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Dating Is a Small World So Think Before You Speak… Harshly

By Michele Burghardt January 25, 2024 Dating

Buckle up ladies, this is a story and a half!!! I had two dates with a guy named Bob, which may or may not be his real name! We met on Match and talked on the phone before we met in real life. The conversation was fun so off we went.

We met for lunch, and I wasn’t impressed when I saw him wearing a pair of semi-work jeans, t-shirt, and tennis shoes. I was in jeans, but looked casually cute, which means I made an effort.

Surprisingly, We Had a Blast

The conversation was good, we had tons in common, and there was chemistry even though he didn’t dress to impress. He asked me if there would be a second date, and I responded, “Yes, if you promise to wear a collared shirt.” I didn’t mean to say that. It simply slipped out, and I apologized for it later.

He admitted that he didn’t know how to dress and asked me if I would go shopping with him.

“Absolutely, that would be fun,” I replied.

The next weekend we spent eight hours together. We didn’t go shopping but had dinner, went wine tasting, and then back to my house. No sex, but we did get cozy. I really liked him because our core values aligned, and we could talk about anything. There was never a lull in the conversation, and we laughed and had a good time.

Neither one of us said it specifically, but we both felt that we were going to give this a chance to develop into something special.

And Then the Other Shoe Dropped

Bob called me the next week and told me he wanted to talk about some things. “I want to be honest with you,” he said. That scared me because I thought maybe he was married.

No, he wasn’t married. Instead, he was a jerk. He told me, at great length, how much more comfortable I would feel if I lost some weight. And how all the women he dated were fit, and how I should join him for his workouts with his trainer, and on and on. What????? This was a first for me.

I ended the conversation, and five minutes later sent him a text telling him if he didn’t like who I was today, we weren’t as good of a fit as I thought we were, and I wished him luck. I’m always polite when I end things because I know how small the dating world is.

Fast Forward to the Next Week

So, the next week I’m out with girlfriends and share this story because it’s too hilarious not to. And of course, I got the expected, ‘what a jerk’ reaction. A little later in the conversation, my single friend tells me she has a date for the upcoming weekend.

I’m happy for her and ask her what she likes about the man. We live in Missouri, and she tells me that one interesting thing they have in common is that they both own rental property in Waco, Texas. Then I ask, “What’s his name?” And you guessed it, his name is Bob, and he is the same man who told me I was fat.

I shared that aloud, and the table erupted in laughter. To make sure, my friend described him and told me what she knew about him and yep, it was him. What are the chances that this could ever happen?? St. Louis, Missouri isn’t a huge metropolitan area, but it is the 20th largest city in the United States. Talk about a Casablanca moment.

I was so happy I ended things nicely because there is nothing negative he could say about me when they meet. I was glad too that I could warn my friend, but I felt bad for her.

Even though she was happy to know how judgmental he was ahead of time, I was sad for her. First dates are so hopeful. You hope you like the man, and for her that question was answered before they even met. She’s thinner than I am, maybe it will be okay for her.

You Have to Know What You’re Looking for

In order to meet a man who is perfect for you, you must be willing to walk away if someone isn’t a good fit. You will always be enough for the right man. Dating men who don’t treat you well is simply a waste of time, and keeps you too busy to find Mr. Right. And that’s a recipe for an unhappy love life.

My friend is keeping her date with Bob for the fun of it. She’s a firecracker so I wish I was a fly on the wall to listen in. I’m doing an interview with her after her date as a wrap up to this love lesson so be sure to join my email list here if you want to watch it.

As far as me, yes it hurt a pinch, but I won’t even remember his name in another week. I’m open and ready to find love anywhere that takes me, and that’s what I want for you too. Love only blooms in an open heart.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you ever dated the same man as one of your friends? What did you think when you learned about it? What about dating someone who proved to be insensitive and judgmental toward your weight or some other quality?

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Karen

While it’s disappointing to spend time with someone and think you clicked, please know that you dodged an enormous bullet by walking away from someone who wanted you to change for them! A huge red flag. He sounds like a supreme narcissist, and nothing is worth than dating a narc. Good luck to your friend – she is going to need it!

Michele Burghardt

Hi Karen, we all can choose to walk away when the people in our life don’t feel we’re enough for them. Our authentic self will always be enough for the right man. Thanks for the note. xxoo

Debbie

Oh my. What a story. You had me laughing but at the same time I was thinking “what a jerk.” Our culture is so obsessed with body image. We all need to eat healthy and move our bodies but I say it’s only our business. Good luck in your future dating!

Michele Burghardt

Hi Debbie, I’m glad you chuckled because I sure did. He missed out on something that could have been fun. Me, I’m off and running! Thanks for your note. xxoo

LeeInNYC

Have not dated someone who a friend dated but I am semi-active on the “dating scene”. Have been dating online off and on for years and I completely agree: no matter how lonely you are, don’t waste too much time with someone that you are not compatible with, or who you don’t have chemistry with. If it’s gonna be a strictly casual, ‘see ya when I see ya’ thing, that’s fine. But if you’re really looking for a relationship, then move on. At this age, time is precious. A few years ago, there was one guy who kept calling and texting me even though I made it clear that I didn’t want to continue. The way I got him to stop was to tell him one day, “If you keep pursuing me, you’ll miss the woman you were truly meant to be with”. That did the trick. Better to have no relationship than a poor fit.

Michele Burghardt

Hi Lee, you did that man such a beautiful favor because it’s so true. Time is the one thing no one can get back. And a postiive, confident mindset makes all the difference in the world. Thanks for your note. xxoo

Evelyn

How about befriending my ex-husband’s girlfriend while we were separated? They split shortly after. We exchanged notes about his bizarre behavior. We are still friends after 10 years. He is still a jerk.

Lisa brinkley

This happened to me, haha! I was the fiancée, had met his ex-wife numerous times(at their children’s HS and college graduation, I kept her dog while
She and her daughter drove on a trip, helped with a party for one of the kids, etc.).

When we broke up, I let her know (our daughters were both really sad about it), and we became friends! We discovered he had a type: short brunettes in helping professions (I was a teacher and she was a nurse) who were capable and independent I have since married someone else, and my Husband thinks it is funny that he has told people that we are going to visit his wife’s ex-fiancée’s ex-wife!

Michele Burghardt

Hi Lisa

Isn’t it funny how life turns out sometimes? I’m so glad you found someone special and made a friend to boot! xxoo

Michele Burghardt

Hi Evelyn

Way to make lemonade out of lemons LOL. I’m sorry he is a jerk, and so happy you made a new friend.Thanks for your note and best of luck. xxoo

Lauren

Enjoyed this article – Don’t settle and go with your gut!

Michele Burghardt

Hi Lauren

I’m so glad you enjoyed the article. Thanks for your note. Best of luck! xxoo

The Author

Michele Burghardt is an author, speaker, and dating coach for women 50 and over with 20 + years of experience in the self-help area. She believes loving yourself is the first step to finding love. You can learn more about her transformational coaching style and her book at www.DateGreatGuys.com.

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