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Dating Is a Small World So Think Before You Speak… Harshly

By Michele Burghardt January 25, 2024 Dating

Buckle up ladies, this is a story and a half!!! I had two dates with a guy named Bob, which may or may not be his real name! We met on Match and talked on the phone before we met in real life. The conversation was fun so off we went.

We met for lunch, and I wasn’t impressed when I saw him wearing a pair of semi-work jeans, t-shirt, and tennis shoes. I was in jeans, but looked casually cute, which means I made an effort.

Surprisingly, We Had a Blast

The conversation was good, we had tons in common, and there was chemistry even though he didn’t dress to impress. He asked me if there would be a second date, and I responded, “Yes, if you promise to wear a collared shirt.” I didn’t mean to say that. It simply slipped out, and I apologized for it later.

He admitted that he didn’t know how to dress and asked me if I would go shopping with him.

“Absolutely, that would be fun,” I replied.

The next weekend we spent eight hours together. We didn’t go shopping but had dinner, went wine tasting, and then back to my house. No sex, but we did get cozy. I really liked him because our core values aligned, and we could talk about anything. There was never a lull in the conversation, and we laughed and had a good time.

Neither one of us said it specifically, but we both felt that we were going to give this a chance to develop into something special.

And Then the Other Shoe Dropped

Bob called me the next week and told me he wanted to talk about some things. “I want to be honest with you,” he said. That scared me because I thought maybe he was married.

No, he wasn’t married. Instead, he was a jerk. He told me, at great length, how much more comfortable I would feel if I lost some weight. And how all the women he dated were fit, and how I should join him for his workouts with his trainer, and on and on. What????? This was a first for me.

I ended the conversation, and five minutes later sent him a text telling him if he didn’t like who I was today, we weren’t as good of a fit as I thought we were, and I wished him luck. I’m always polite when I end things because I know how small the dating world is.

Fast Forward to the Next Week

So, the next week I’m out with girlfriends and share this story because it’s too hilarious not to. And of course, I got the expected, ‘what a jerk’ reaction. A little later in the conversation, my single friend tells me she has a date for the upcoming weekend.

I’m happy for her and ask her what she likes about the man. We live in Missouri, and she tells me that one interesting thing they have in common is that they both own rental property in Waco, Texas. Then I ask, “What’s his name?” And you guessed it, his name is Bob, and he is the same man who told me I was fat.

I shared that aloud, and the table erupted in laughter. To make sure, my friend described him and told me what she knew about him and yep, it was him. What are the chances that this could ever happen?? St. Louis, Missouri isn’t a huge metropolitan area, but it is the 20th largest city in the United States. Talk about a Casablanca moment.

I was so happy I ended things nicely because there is nothing negative he could say about me when they meet. I was glad too that I could warn my friend, but I felt bad for her.

Even though she was happy to know how judgmental he was ahead of time, I was sad for her. First dates are so hopeful. You hope you like the man, and for her that question was answered before they even met. She’s thinner than I am, maybe it will be okay for her.

You Have to Know What You’re Looking for

In order to meet a man who is perfect for you, you must be willing to walk away if someone isn’t a good fit. You will always be enough for the right man. Dating men who don’t treat you well is simply a waste of time, and keeps you too busy to find Mr. Right. And that’s a recipe for an unhappy love life.

My friend is keeping her date with Bob for the fun of it. She’s a firecracker so I wish I was a fly on the wall to listen in. I’m doing an interview with her after her date as a wrap up to this love lesson so be sure to join my email list here if you want to watch it.

As far as me, yes it hurt a pinch, but I won’t even remember his name in another week. I’m open and ready to find love anywhere that takes me, and that’s what I want for you too. Love only blooms in an open heart.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you ever dated the same man as one of your friends? What did you think when you learned about it? What about dating someone who proved to be insensitive and judgmental toward your weight or some other quality?

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Beth Rice

Wonderful story…. Open hearts are the best way to pursue love ❤️

Felicia

I have to say that’s hilarious! I’m curious as to how your friend’s date with Bob turned out. I like that you said that (I’m paraphrasing so forgive me) it’s important to be able to walk away if the fit isn’t right…and that the right person will like you for who you are. If a person loves me conditionally, I know I’ll lose myself trying to morph into what he wants.

BJ vw

So what happens when your thin but get cancer and loose all your hair! Better to look for someone who is looking deeper than superficial for each other 🤔

Lotus

I’ll make this short..bottom line he is a jerk and so disrespectful asking her to lose weight. He could have just said he isnt as ready to date as he thought or something like that. Jerk!!! I feel he just wanted to hurt her feelings. Again jerk 🥴

Michele Burghardt

Hi Lotus, I don’t think he wanted to hurt my feelings, he just put his feelings first. I’m not sure why he asked me out a 2nd time if he didn’t like my body type. Hmmmm it’s a mystery.

Karyn Loveman

I met a gentleman for cocktails at a local hangout.

Fortunately, I odered a beer BEFORE he “complimented” me.

I had a pretty face but similar to your situation, he told me I was fat and his ex-wife kept fit.

HE called himself a jerk.

I sipped my beer for probably an hour, lingering, then I asked him to escort me to my car and gave him a hug and thanked him– all to make him feel awkward and consider how tacky that “compliment” was.

I felt great that I took care of myself.

Michele Burghardt

Hi Karyn

Congratulations on taking back your personal power. Every time you do something that makes you feel good you get stronger, and confidence looks sexy on everyone. Thanks for your note and best of luck. xxoo

The Author

Michele Burghardt is an author, speaker, and dating coach for women 50 and over with 20 + years of experience in the self-help area. She believes loving yourself is the first step to finding love. You can learn more about her transformational coaching style and her book at www.DateGreatGuys.com.

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