Needing a Virtual Hug in My 60s
Here I sit, tucked away in a quiet, distant corner of Orlando airport, waiting to board a flight to London, ready to start my new life: yet again. My emotional swings have been crazy today; I awakened full of beans, excited, optimistic for my new chapter to begin, absolutely convinced that the shock waves of my divorce two years ago were finally behind me, and the ripple effect of extreme highs and crushing lows was now firmly in the rear view mirror.
But no, it took just a momentary peek in the mirror to deflate my new found confidence. I see a woman of 64 who has been living overseas for most of her adult years, and is embarking upon a self-imposed new life back home in Blighty, and it’s daunting.
I’m a little scared.
My life has been a rollercoaster for the past 30 months, since that awful day we mutually agreed it was time to go our separate ways. We had become one of those dreaded statistics of husband and wife living separate lives and simply drifting apart. I knew it was the right decision, but I’ve been adrift ever since, searching for my equilibrium, and I still haven’t found it.
Following My Heart
So, I made a very important decision. I realized that I must go back to the fold of my nurturing lifelong friends, the very small remaining family I have left, the country that holds the key to my soul, and the good memories and nostalgia that I crave.
I must get on this flight today and be courageous, otherwise I am in danger of spiraling into overwhelming sadness that I may find it too hard to climb back from. I must put my two feet firmly on English soil, and find the old me, the me that was always full of joie de vivre, the life and soul of the party, the gregarious version.
It’s imperative that I find the old Wendy before the new empty, unfulfilled Wendy gets a vine like grip, and won’t let go.
It’s been too long since I was hugged, since I made a man’s eyes light up when I walked into the room, since I received a bunch of beautiful flowers, since I didn’t have to be brave and make all the decisions on my own all of the time. It’s simply been too long.
And I wonder how many of you have experienced this? It is not so easy to share our sorrow and our insecurities, is it?
I did not envision, and certainly did not want to be facing the world in my seventh decade as a newly single woman. I practice an Attitude of Gratitude every day, because there are too many wonderful events that have graced my life, and most importantly, I am super healthy. I don’t want to portray a woman steeped in gloom, because I am not.
There is just a void in my life, and I can’t seem to find my way to fill it. Yet I am optimistic that this latest huge life change will nourish my soul.
Pursuing My Solution
I’m keen to share my journey with you ladies in the coming months if I may, as I negotiate my new life back in the UK. There will inevitably be down times, amazing new experiences, laughter, tears, and lots of cuddles with my two new cats that I have been manifesting for many months now. I can’t wait for cat purrs, and fishy kisses!
I would be thrilled to have you connect with me in the comments, if you so wish, or follow me from afar if you so desire. May I ask you for a virtual hug or to virtually hold my hand every once in a while? It would mean the world to me, and I would be happy to reciprocate. Certainly, I have learned that bottling up such raw emotion is detrimental: sharing is cathartic.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Have you had life-altering experiences that you may like to share? Maybe you are currently facing your own set of unique challenges? Do you think divorce in earlier years is easier to move on from than gray divorce?
Tags Finding Happiness
yup, broken marriage at 56 trying to figure my way out.
Love your post ! Anxious to follow your journey! Virtual hug 🤗 to you
Patricia, thank you for your support, and a virtual hug back :)
Hello Wendy – you are following your heart, so you can’t go wrong !
Yes – it’s all a bit scary, but you’ll be just fine.
Your story resonated with me as I’m thinking seriously of returning to England at some point in time. I came to the US 9 yrs ago to stay with my daughter after a stressful divorce. My dysfunctional 47 yr marriage was over – despite ongoing abuse it took me that long to make a change ! Four years ago i met and married a man whom I thought was the answer to my dreams. I’m still with him, but now know it was a big mistake. After a bad fall over a year ago I’m still in recovery – fractured bones healed, but CRPS/TMS set in and it’s been very challenging. However – out of adverse circumstances we grow in strength and understanding – and I’ve learnt so much. When I’m well enough to travel I will return to my daughter in Texas. After that I may well return to England as my Lancashire roots are calling me. I don’t have the means to buy a home, but I trust in the power of the universe – and know that ‘where there’s a will there’s a way’. I’m fortunate – I have a daughter and a son there and although it will be a wrench to leave my youngest daughter I will follow my heart as you are doing.
You are clearly a courageous and capable person and i wish you well in your new life.
I’m 73 now, but age really doesn’t matter – stay strong and you will find all that you desire.So here’s sending you a big hug – It would be lovely to hear how things are going with you .
All the best – Irene Anderson.
Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing and asking for virtual hugs. Here are quite a few. I’m 3 years out of my husband of 40 years leaving. Poof. Shall we call it COVID divorce or grey divorce or finally time divorce? Does it matter? I also moved, but not toward the known, but unfamiliar. I was fortunate enough to be able to afford some isolation time and grateful to have somehow been wise enough to take it. Your article resonated in so many ways. I’m just beginning year 3 and it is better, more solid emotional ground, more hope, more optimism, far more gratitude that he left. I would love to continue hearing about your journey. Real life is so much more interesting and nuanced than what we typically see in movies and television or even books and especially, social media about how older women navigate being single after decades of being partnered. And how amazing to see so many comments! Obviously, we’re here for you (and each other). Keep us posted.
Much love & light along your way…
Dear LuAnn, thank you for sharing your own inspirational story. We are all on our own journeys, and each one is so poignant. Hugs back at you :)
I came to Australia from NZ in 2001. I left behind a grindingly awful 12 year marriage, pretty similar, in that I was the full time worker at home and in the wider world.
One Sunday morning I thought, if I have to look at that view across the road for one more year, the men in white coats will have to come and take me away.
It was a big leap of faith, taking my self, my 14 year old daughter and two suitcase, away from family and across the other side of Australia.
Two years later my 18 year old son joined me and we never looked back.
It was the best thing I ever did for myself.
My kids are happy and I met a great guy who loves my kids and grandkids as much as his own.
So here’s my virtual hug to you.
In the words of a saint, “all will be well and all will be well and all manner of things will be well.”
To Wendy and all the other readers, here is a hug to you!
Having lived in a 24 year marriage with a man I was not in love with was the most difficult thing I could do. I was once told it was easier to recover from losing a spouse that passed than it is to recover from a divorce. When I was younger, Irecover from losing a spouse that passed then it is to recover from a divorce. When I was younger, I traveled the world and ill loved it. Since getting divorced I’ve only gone to two different countries and I can’t wait to explore more. Right now your hearts are grieving for what you’re giving up or what you’ve lost. For your own sake, you need to flip that over and look at it from the other side. You have the opportunity right now to reimagine yourself. You can become that person. You always wanted to be and to do what you’ve always wanted to do. You were the only thing holding you back and I understand that. Find those people that were special to you that can give you that embrace, help dust you off and get you standing upright again. Best of luck to everyone as things like this are never easy. Go be the person you want to be and make yourself happy. Enjoy life. You only get one shot at it. I look forward to watching your progress Wendy. Good luck in the UK.
Dear Robin, thank you for taking the time to share your story, and your insights. I am always grateful for my health, my good fortune, and I have a great support group around me. Hugs :)
Dear Toni, thanks for the hug. I’m so glad that there was a happy ending for you, and I love the saint quote :)