How to Start to Stop the Worry, Fear, Doubt, Guilt, and Negative Thoughts in 3 Simple Steps!
I once saw a clip from the old Bob Newhart Show, (wasn’t he the greatest?!), where he had a patient come for her therapy session and after she told him what she was worrying about, he quickly said, “Stop it!” She looked at him quizzically, and he said, “Just stop it!” Each time she tried to explain further, he kept interrupting her, repeating, “Stop it, just stop it!”
It was a funny bit, but not exactly what you want to hear from your therapist! “Just stop it.” Wouldn’t it be nice if it were that easy?
Well, I created a simple (I didn’t say easy!) 3 step process to help myself and my clients to stop, in their tracks, the thoughts that don’t serve us! But first, take a look and see if some of these thoughts below sound familiar…
“You idiot, how could you have forgotten to (fill in the blank), or “You look so fat, you look so old, your best days are behind you, how can you be so stupid” etc. etc. etc. Now I ask, would you ever say any of the above to a dear friend? Something tells me, that’s a no!
We Need to Become More Aware About How We Talk to Ourselves
If you want to:
Stop: worrying about the future and instead,
Start: being present each day and let the future unfold.
Stop: letting what has happened to you continue to define who you are and instead,
Start: living your best life.
Stop: the quicksand of limiting beliefs keeping you stuck in your fears and instead,
Start: flying free.
Stop: worrying about the ‘how,’ constantly overthinking things and instead,
Start: taking the next best step.
Then I invite you to try the 3-step process I call:
Notice It, Name It, Reframe It!
Here are several examples and the steps to take giving you an idea of how to practice.
Experiencing a Big Life Change
If you are facing a big life change whether it’s a loss, or a move, or a health challenge, and you find yourself thinking things like, “I can’t handle this. I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this, I want things to be different.”
Notice it: Whoa, I know this is challenging, but these thoughts aren’t going to serve me.
Name it: I am feeling scared, and my thoughts are going to the dark side.
Reframe it: It is important that I feel my feelings and remember that I can handle anything if I stay present, breathe, and keep taking the next best step. When I fight against reality it makes things worse. I can do this. I’ve got this. I will ask for support when I need it, and I will get through this.
Suffering from Self-Abuse
If you have thoughts like,“You idiot, how could you have forgotten to do that, why did you do that, when will you ever learn?”
Notice it: I just literally verbally abused myself.
Name it: I just called myself an idiot. It’s not true and I won’t be spoken to like that!
Reframe it: I am doing the best I can. I will keep doing the best I can, and that is enough.
Broken Self-Image
If when you look in the mirror, you think, “You look so fat and ugly, when are you going to lose weight!”
Notice it: Holy crap, I just fat shamed myself!
Name it: That was so mean and nasty. I’d never say that to anyone.
Reframe it: I am not perfect, and no one is. I want to be healthy and take care of my body. It has gotten me through a lot, and I am so grateful for it. I will continue to seek out ways to do what’s best for my health and be kinder to myself.
Pay Attention to Your Thoughts so That You Can Begin to Notice It, Name It, Reframe It
When first beginning to go through this process, I have found that it helps to write it all down. And as you become more aware of the things you say to yourself, remember to give yourself grace and compassion. We don’t want to make it worse by judging and berating ourselves for having the thoughts!
Each time you practice Notice it, Name it, Reframe it, you are retraining your brain to know that you won’t allow anyone to talk to you unkindly. Not even you!
Reflection Question:
What are some of the things you have said to yourself that you would be comfortable sharing here? (This can help us to feel less alone!) Would you like to try going through the 3 steps here with something you’ve said?
Tags Reducing Stress
The article is very helpful especially during the end of the year. I feel myself and the women around me are way to hard and negative on ourselves.
Absolutely Linda! I’m so glad you found this helpful, let me know how it goes!
I have trouble forgiving myself for past mistakes. I hope this process will work for me. Thank you!
Barb, you’re not alone. Be patient and compassionate with yourself! And feel free to contact me.
I went through a divorce more than 20 years ago. He cheated on me …here we are in 2024 and I am married 14 years to the love of my life but I still can’t forgive my first husband …
Lauri, I get it annnd think about how that is serving you. Is it taking energy that can be used for enjoying your life? Try this process to see how you can reframe your thoughts.
This article opened my eyes to recent negative self talk that I’ve inflicted upon myself. So I’m now following the suggestions to redirect my thoughts to more self respectful comments. Just trying to be kinder to myself. Thank you for an excellent article.
Yay! Hearing this makes my day, Kate. We all do it, and if we can just become more aware than we have the opportunity to name it and reframe it. Think of the ripple effect this can have on our lives! I would love to hear from you ( and everyone here) of instances when you use it and how it worked! My email is above. :-)
An excellent article, thank you!
Thank you so much Janne!