Is sex after 60 really better than ever? Or, does Hollywood have it right when they portray sex as a young person’s game? In this interview, I talk with dating coach, Lisa Copeland about love and sex after 60.
90% of our Sixty and Me members believe that it is possible to find love after 50. Do you agree or disagree. Watch the video and let us know in the comments.
Women in their 50s and 60s are going through many changes. Perhaps your children have left home. Or, maybe you have gone through a divorce.
Then, maybe, one day, you decide to get back into the dating game. But, if you haven’t been with someone for a while, you may be a bit confused. You may not have come to terms with how your sexuality has changed.
So, Lisa, please help us to understand what is different – of perhaps the same – when it comes to love and sex after 50.
Finding love after 50 is different than when we were in our 20s. When we were in our 20s, we were building our lives. We were building careers. We were building our families. We had very little baggage and we were looking for someone to have children with. This is a genetic thing. Many of us felt our biological clocks ticking.
In our 50s and 60s, we start by looking for the same thing. But, we don’t need children anymore! So, it’s important to look for someone who shares your values.
I met a woman, recently, who wanted a guy to go hiking with her. She said to me, “What do you and your boyfriend have in common?” I told her that we don’t have a lot of activities in common. We share a lot of values. We love spending time together. We don’t always have to go places together to have fun.
So, the key to finding love after 50 is to focus on your values. Also, you want to find someone who can support you emotionally as you both grow older.
The other thing about being over 50 is that you have tons of baggage.
Well, this is true for both men and women!
Absolutely! People carry huge bags, filled with baggage – kids, in-laws, ex-family, etc. The emotional issues that you have can have a big impact on your relationships in your 50s and 60s. So, you are really looking for someone with similar values, who you can work through your issues with.
If you’re looking for “Mr. Hottie,” you’re making a mistake.
You can still have tons of fun (in your 50s and 60s). You just need to approach it with a different mindset.
Should people even be looking for love after 60?
I think that it’s very fair to want love in your 60s. But, at this time in your life, love is different. In your 20s, you’re looking for a strong man to have children with. Now, it’s a more complete love. You will have attraction in the beginning. But, this isn’t the whole point. In fact, if you have too much chemistry with a man, you should be cautious. Friendship is much more important as you get a little older.
I hear this from men as well. They tell me that sex isn’t as important as it was. It’s still important, but, it’s not the number one need any more. It’s the friendship that people are really looking for. We want someone to share our life with. We don’t want to sit alone, every night, watching TV with our cat or dog.
I was going to ask you about this sex issue. You say that it’s not the number one issue. But, a lot of women argue that men over 50 only want younger women. They say that older men want younger women because they want sex. Does that play into this at all?
If you say that sex is not a priority for men and women over 50, why do we believe that men want younger women? Is that just not true?
I hear that a lot too. It’s simply not true. The problem is that most women are looking for Mr. Hottie. They want the most hansom guy out there. Well, the most hansom guy out there has a huge ego, usually. He wants you to feel “blessed” because he chose you.
An average guy will feel blessed that you chose him. That’s a huge difference. Mr. Hottie may be looking for a younger woman because it boosts his ego. Having a younger woman makes him feel better about himself. Most men are looking for a woman within 5 years of their age. Some men are even looking for an older woman.
With sex, everyone has an initial attraction. They want to have sex. But, we need to remember that our bodies have changed. Many men have to deal with sexual dysfunction. Women also have to deal with sexual issues – just in a different way. So, everyone still likes sex, but, our bodies have changed.
Does that answer your question?
It sounds like you’re saying that sex is important. It’s just not the only thing. So, lets go back to something that we discussed before – choosing someone who shares your values. When someone shares your values, you can have a great sex life, but, it’s not the only thing. It’s not how you measure the success of your relationship.
I have some women tell me that, unless a man can have full intercourse with them, it’s a deal breaker. There are men that can’t have intercourse, because of medical issues. These men can actually become amazing lovers. It takes a compassionate woman to understand this. So, men and women both have issues.
The key, when it comes to sex after 50, is that you want intimacy. You want touch, not just intercourse. We all want to be held. We all want to be hugged. The way that you have sex, at this point of your life, can be different than when you were in your 20s. But, sex can still be just as good.
You just have to be open to the mindset that sex can be different and still be good.
I think the word “intimacy” is really important. It goes beyond what we felt when we were in our 20s. We have created complex value systems over the course of our lives. This seems like a good place to end the interview. Sex may be different after 50, but, the need for love, companionship and intimacy never goes away!
Have you, or someone that you know, found love after 60? Do you think that sex after 60 is better than ever? Please join the conversation below.