4 Reasons Why More Women Over 50 Are Getting Divorced
Did you know that about 50% of marriages fail when couples reach their 50s and 60s? That is a staggering number and is on the rise!
Why are we seeing more divorce now? First of all, we are living longer. Women are asking themselves if their marriage in its current state is worth spending their next 25–30 years with their spouse.
When a woman has just enough emotional space to do a life review, she begins to ask serious questions about what is important to her. Life events can trigger questions of staying or leaving. Perhaps the children have left home or there’s been an affair.
Lack of Emotional Connection
A critical reason for women wanting out of their marriage is they’re no longer feeling an emotional connection to their spouse. They may have developed routine patterns of relating and behaving. They get up to go to work, come home and do it all again.
On weekends, they have been active in their children’s lives or they have separate interests. Instead of spouses now turning toward each other, they turn away. This is a real crisis point for a marriage.
Poor Communication
Communication is the key to feeling connected. Through their years of extensive research, marriage experts John and Julie Gottman have discovered that success in a marriage is not found in what interests you share but in how you communicate with each other.
For example, if one of you plays golf and the other is new to the game, criticism always turns the newbie away. It creates a wedge between couples.
Feelings Expressed from a Distance
Over time, unhealthy patterns of relating close down people’s hearts. Most conversations are reports and little feeling is communicated. Couples go silent, fight fiercely or knit-pick each other. When you lock into patterns of automatic conversation, you are doing the “dance of distance.”
The important point is how feelings are expressed. Sometimes, you are too afraid to speak your true feelings for fear of rejection or judgment.
Do you ever really feel listened to? How well do you listen to your partner? Are you already thinking of what you will say in response before your spouse has finished? Do you just totally block him out?
It can be really frightening to be vulnerable, authentic and come from your heart. Relationships require you to take risks for closeness. To be successful in this regard, it requires that you go inward to reflect what you really feel.
The Relationship Not Meeting Your Needs
The bottom line in any relationship is that you must meet your needs. Only you are responsible for your happiness in life.
You have to be accountable to yourself. You must define who you are whether you decide to stay or leave. This is a life transition which involves risk, including how you are going to show up.
Here are some questions for your reflection regarding your space in the marriage:
- Where do you hide in your relationship?
- What are your fears?
- What risks do you feel about speaking openly?
- What does your inner knower tell you?
- What would you like to see differently in your relationship?
- What is your commitment to action?
The bottom line is, never compromise the spirit of who you are. Your life is your journey and one you must honor.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Have you experienced this divorce journey and what have you learned? If you could go back, what would you do differently? Please share your thoughts and observations below.
Tags Divorce After 60
After retiring from nursing, I felt a total disconnect from my spouse of 46 years and even myself, it was awful. Therapy for 3 months helped me immensely, DX adjustment disorder with mixed anxiety and depression. Happily married and looking forward to life’s adventures! If your brain is sick it can heal with therapy and I was prescribed a low dose of Zoloft to bring my serotonin level back up, Wish everyone the best❣️
Good communication is the key. But sometimes very difficult without reproach. I divorced 25 years ago, and so have had many years to work out how we could have both done things differently. Both parties have to be equally ready to talk and really listen. Good luck.
Unfortunately, this epidemic in “fizzling out” marriages later in life is becoming common for our Baby Boom generation. Our age group of women were told to find a husband who could support them, and so that is what most women did. Most married the first man who came along without regard to a good match for life, and if it was a good match, people change and outgrow each other. Sad but true. Good luck to all you women out there who are in unhappy marriages and hope you get the courage to leave while you are still young enough to enjoy the rest of your lives.
Wish I had the strength both mentally n physically to divorce my husband. I’m 73 It’s been 35 yrs of narcissistic pathological lying n deceitful behavior. Now with his declining mental n physical health it’s day to day walking on eggshells. Sadly my ability to live depends on him so I must stay
Heartbreaking.
Thank you for sharing your story and hopefully you are able to find some joy in your life. I am 63 and my relationship sounds similar…nothing personal, but you have shown me what I don’t want to be when I grow up. Best wishes as you continue this journey!
It’s such a sad and common experience, Jani. I am 66 and I feel for you.
I wish we could teach all young women never ever to depend on a man for their livelihood or their well being, and to keep their finances separate if they do marry (that’s not what my generation was taught, the opposite in fact). But I luckily had a dad who insisted I “stand on my own two feet” and go to college and get a good job before marriage. He drilled it into me: to be happy you have to be independent first. Luckily I listened to him instead of my mom who just wanted me to find a nice man and settle down. <eyeroll>
I hope you can get out of the situation somehow and I wish you daily courage and patience, and finding something good for yourself in each day.
I am divorcing my husband after 38 years of marriage and I’m at the age of 66. I felt I must do this in order to obtain my self worth. He’s been unfaithful, I forgave him but never really could forget it. There were other lies and distrust that became the center of the relationship. It’s difficult to be the one to initiate because the grown children aren’t happy with my decision and he plays the victim but I must be true to myself. For the first time in my life, I am putting myself first.
You never getting over someone cheating on you. I wish you good mental health and a fresh start. Keep yourself busy. Karma eventually will come around for your future ex-husband.
It’s a year later and I’m hoping you followed through with your plan to leave and make a life for yourself…It’s not easy and at times that inner voice may attempt to get you to backpedal ..Its been 20 years for me..you are responsible for yourself and your happiness..
Good luck Carol—I hope you did it and I hope it went well for you! I did after a 20 year marriage full of his cheating but fortunately I had my own career and financial success so I was ok and it was pretty easy to bounce back (though terribly sad to know how little he valued me, our kids, his vows). Update us!