Tackling the 4 Unsuccessful Dating Habits That Mature Women Develop
Mature women are not that much different than their younger counterparts when it comes to dating. They want to love and be loved. Yet, because they’ve had decades to master the art of dating, they often pick up some bad habits along the way.
Dating Habit #1 – Falling for a Bad Boy
Oh, those bad boys. They make you feel amazing, don’t they? And they have an exciting vibe about them which makes normal nice guys look boring, right?
The problem with falling for a bad boy is he knows how to charm you, but his words are rarely followed up by any kind of action. And that is a problem.
Bad boys are always on the hunt for the next conquest. And they can come back again and again between those conquests convincing you once again with their mastery of using words that they only want you. You forgive them. Things are good again, then they leave again and break your heart.
Nice guys may feel flat to you, but they will be the ones who bring you a glass of wine at the end of a hard day or go to the store and bring you chicken soup when you have a cold. You want a man whose actions follow his words. That man is a keeper for the long haul.
Dating Habit #2 – Thinking You’ll Know He’s “The One” When You Meet Him
First of all, this rarely happens. Yes, you’ll hear stories about women who’ve said they just knew he was The One when they met their husbands.
What you’re not hearing are the stories about women who thought they’d found the one. But then, after some time passed and the chemistry wore off, they found he wasn’t even remotely close to who they wanted to spend the rest of their life with.
This is why you want to take the time to get to know a man, especially if he’s nice and treats you well. And that’s pretty hard to do unless you give him a chance with more dates to see what he has to offer the relationship.
Dating Habit #3 – Falling in Love with a Man’s Potential Versus His Reality
Did you know men fall in love with the real you; quirks and all? But we as women fall in love with a man’s potential and that leads us to trying to mold him into his best self.
One of men’s biggest pet peeves is about women they’ve dated who were always trying to change them whether it was the clothes they wore, the food they ate, or how they did their job.
If you don’t like who a man is, do both of you a favor and let him go. There are other men out there who will be a better match for you just the way they are.
Dating Habit #4 – Looking for Chemistry or Immediate Attraction to Decide if He’s “The One”
This dating habit is the NUMBER 1 HABIT that can keep you from finding the right man to share your heart and life with. You see, instant chemistry is nothing more than the release of oxytocin, also known as the bonding hormone. It feels amazing, and that’s why we look for it.
But the thing is, you can have amazing chemistry with a man who might not be the right man for you. And the bonding hormones keep you from seeing that right away because being near him feels so good. Chemistry also causes you to trust men who might not be so trustable.
As you get to know a man, chemistry can grow, especially when you get clear on how he treats you and whether or not you share the same values in life.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What Dating Habits are you holding onto that are keeping you from finding love after 50? Are there other bad habits that you’ve developed over the years? We would love to hear your stories!
Tags Senior Dating Advice
How do we then attract nice men?
Hey Molly… what a great question — and honestly, it’s the same one my clients ask me all the time.
It all starts with getting clear on who your ideal man is today. To do that, I have my clients create something called a Quality Man Template — a deep dive into who they truly want now, at this stage of life. I emphasize today because so many women are still drawn to the kind of man they wanted in their 20s, who may not actually suit the woman they’ve become. This exercise helps them discover a new kind of man — one who fits the woman they are now.
About 99% of my clients meet men online. Their profiles are written to share a bit about who they are, what they’re looking for, and even a short story about what life together might look like. Men are visual creatures — giving them a glimpse into your world helps them imagine being part of it.
The other 1% meet someone in real life — which is a little trickier, since you can’t do it in your pajamas like online dating! (Lol.) They use another tool I created — “26 Places to Meet Men” — which lists local spots (within about 25 miles or 40 km) where quality men are likely to be.
The key difference? My clients don’t rely on instant chemistry anymore. They use their Quality Man Template to see if a man is genuinely kind, compatible, and worthy of dating them. And the funny thing? Many tell me they’d have completely overlooked their guy before — they’d have just swiped left!
Make sense?
does a template exist for folk to adapt?
be curious to see one if possible, j
Hi Joan! The Quality Man Template is actually part of my Love After 50 Attraction Blueprint — that’s the framework my group coaching clients use to learn how to attract and connect with the right kind of man. I also talk about it in my book, The Winning Dating Formula for Finding Love, which you can find on Amazon.
If you’d like to know more about the group program, where you’ll get the Blueprint along with the tools and support to put it into practice, just send me a note at Support@findaqualityman.com — I’d love to share more with you!
My number 1 tip for dating is to not date. Waste of time, and my sanity and peace. All the work that goes into dating, and why? For company for a companion? Get a dog. Men have no idea what to do with a woman, and most of the men I have met, have so much baggage, and no money. So why bother?
I hear you Susan — dating can feel like so much work for so little return, especially when it’s filled with disappointment.
You’re not wrong to want peace over chaos. What I’ve found, is that it gets a lot easier when you approach it from a different energy — one that’s about curiosity and connection, not proving worthiness or performing.
When you’re clear about who you are and what you want in a man, you stop wasting time with the wrong men and start attracting ones who match your vibe. For sure — protecting your peace comes first. The good news is, dating doesn’t have to cost you that. Love to hear your thoughts.
Spot on advice. After two marriages – one that ended in an amicable divorce at 32 and a second marriage that ended with my husband’s death after 18 years, I met a man who I thought was my “it.” Lots of fun and excitement. Great chemistry. Well… he was a narcissist who put me through extreme highs and lows for 9 years. So your advice re the man who might seem a bit boring at first – is usually the better choice. Also – learning to be alone and comfortable in your own skin before seeking “completion” in a relationship is something to explore before dating again.
These are also good tips for looking at your old married or long term relationship partner.
I now live in a small retirement community (though I have not retired), but find I miss my late husband too much to be interested in dating someone else. Nigel really understood me! Therefore, he is an impossible act to follow…….though I miss being held in a warm embrace, I honestly am at peace with being alone; I don’t like it, but I’m at peace. Fortunately, I enjoy my own company!
Hi June, although off the subject, HOW did you find a retirement community? I have been looking although not 65 yet and everything is so high priced or completely in the ditches of an apartment!
You need to do what’s best for you, but from personal experience, as long as you believe something is impossible, it will be🩷
So true, Lee Ann. What we focus on has a way of expanding — it’s amazing how our beliefs shape what shows up for us.
Hi June…What a lovely reflection. It takes real strength to hold both — the ache of missing someone who truly saw you, and the peace of knowing you’re okay on your own. That’s a quiet kind of courage.