How to Travel Comfortably With a Friend Who Has Different Energy Levels

Do you love traveling? Do you enjoy sharing your travel experiences with a travel buddy? Traveling with a friend can bring you closer through shared experiences and memories. But it can also make you question everything you thought you knew about each other. One person may wake up early and hit three museums by noon, climb a tower, and find all the best restaurants for the day. The other person may want coffee and a slow morning, and possibly a nap in the afternoon.

Having a travel buddy with different energy levels doesn’t have to spoil a trip. I feel that the key to a successful trip is to stop treating it as constant togetherness as proof of a successful friendship. Does that make sense? Let’s unpack what that means so you can travel comfortably with a friend who has a different energy level than you. 

Read more: 4 Simple Things You Can Do to Make New Friends When Travelling After 60.

Tips to Travel Comfortably with a Friend

Here are some tips, tricks, and simple ideas to consider when planning a trip with a friend. No matter how much you know your friend and for how long, traveling for the first time with someone may unearth some surprising personality traits. Your super relaxed and chill friend of twenty years, with whom you enjoy morning coffee dates, can instantly turn into a Tasmanian devil and want to go-go-go while traveling, while you like to take your time to experience a destination slowly.

Even if you know you have different travel styles, it doesn’t mean you can’t travel with your friend. What’s important is to set some basic travel planning ideas and boundaries before booking your trip together.

Talk About Your Travel Styles Before Booking 

Make this a priority. Have an honest conversation about how each of you likes to travel. Discuss your usual wake-up times, walking tolerance, preferred pace, meal habits, and need for downtime, etc. 

Keep reading; later in the article, I provide a complete list of questions to ask when planning a trip with a friend.

Plan Around Daily Priorities

Ask each other about the experiences that matter the most. Perhaps your friend wants to visit a major museum, while you prefer a guided food tour. Schedule your activities while being equally accommodating to each other’s preferences. 

Stop Expecting to Do Everything Together

Compromising is a part of any relationship, friendship, and travel buddy experience. While accommodating each other’s interests is important, spending all your time together is not reasonable. 

The more energetic traveler can take an early walking tour, go for a hike, or explore another neighborhood. The slower-paced traveler might enjoy a café, spa treatment, market visit, or a quiet morning at the hotel.

Remember, spending a few hours apart is not a travel failure. It is often what keeps the trip pleasant. Avoid judging your friend if they don’t match your energy level, and respect each other’s differences. 

A fun part of spending some time apart is getting together later and sharing your stories!

Alternate Busy and Quiet Days

Avoid scheduling long excursions on consecutive days. There’s no need to wear yourself out and create friction between yourselves because you are tired of the super busy schedule. 

A rhythm of activity and recovery can help you both enjoy more of the trip without exhaustion or frustration. 

Choose Accommodations Carefully

This is an important factor to discuss and agree upon. Your friend may like busy hostels, while your dream accommodation is the Four Seasons with a private plunge pool. No matter your preferences, it’s a good idea to meet in the middle to ensure you are both comfortable. 

Separate beds (and sometimes separate rooms) can also protect the friendship. Sleep habits (do you snore?), alarms, nighttime temperature, and morning routines often cause more tension than sightseeing plans do. That’s why it’s crucial to discuss this before booking accommodations. 

Useful tip: Booking a central hotel (or Airbnb, etc) allows either of you to return to the room without ending the other person’s day.

Read more: Hotels, B&Bs and Camping Sites: Where Do You Love to Stay When You Travel?

Avoid Keeping Score

Resentment builds quickly when one person feels like they are always waiting or compromising, and the other feels pressured to hurry. 

Instead of saying, “We never do anything because you’re too tired”, try saying, “I’m going to explore for a couple of hours, and I’ll meet you at the restaurant at five.” The goal is not to decide whose travel style is better. It is to create enough freedom for both styles.

Create a Communication Plan

When separating and doing your individual activities, decide exactly where and when you will meet back up. Share your locations on your phones, keep your phones charged, and have a backup plan in case someone is delayed.

Read this article from Wired, How to Share Your Location on an iPhone or Android

This is especially important when traveling internationally, where mobile service, unfamiliar streets, and language differences can complicate things really quickly. 

I always carry a compact power bank when traveling. My worst nightmare is my phone dying, and not being able to get a hold of my travel partner (and consequently have them worry about me). Also, having access to travel apps, maps, and other important info is crucial. 

Read more: 10 Compact Power Banks – Keeping Your Devices Charged on the Go.

Also read: 20 Essential Travel Apps for Women Over 60.

Stay Flexible

Above all…stay flexible when energy changes. Energy levels can shift during a trip because of heat, altitude, jet lag, or poor sleep. Been there, done that! The friend who normally keeps going all day may suddenly need some rest. And, vice versa, the quieter traveler may feel energetic after a free morning. 

Useful tip: Treat the itinerary as a guide rather than a contract. 

Protect Your Friendship, Not the Schedule

A good travel companion doesn’t have to match your pace and energy every hour of every day. I feel that compatibility often comes from respect, flexibility, humor, and the ability to spend time apart without taking it personally.

The best shared trips leave room for two people to experience the same destination in slightly different ways. 

Remember, your friendship existed before the trip and should not be compromised because of tours and meal plans. 

When Is It Not Recommended to Travel with a Friend?

It may be better not to travel together when your expectations, habits, or financial situations are so different that compromise would leave you both unhappy.

Think twice about traveling together when you can’t agree on money, accommodations, daily pace, or how much time to spend together. Major differences can quickly create resentment. 

It may also be a bad idea when one person refuses to compromise, becomes difficult under stress, ignores health or mobility needs, or pressures the other into activities or spending. 

Unresolved friendship problems will rarely improve when traveling together. When in doubt, take a short weekend trip first. It’s a simple way to test your travel compatibility before committing to a longer journey. 

Questions and Topics to Discuss Before Traveling Together

• What time do you typically go to bed?
• What time do you normally wake up? 
• Do you want to keep the same sleep schedule while traveling? Or are you flexible?
• How much activity do you enjoy in one day?
• Do you prefer a full itinerary or plenty of free time?
• How much walking are you comfortable doing?
• Are you comfortable doing some activities separately? 
• Are you comfortable being alone in a new place?
• Do you prefer quick meals or long leisurely dinners?
• How do you feel about changing plans at the last minute?
• What is your travel budget?
• What type of accommodations do you prefer?
• Are you comfortable sharing a room?
• How should we divide expenses?
• Do you have dietary, medical, or mobility needs?
• What activities are you not interested in doing?
• What are the three things you most want to do on this trip?

Traveling with a friend who has a different energy level can take patience, honest communication, and a willingness to spend some time apart. 

Talk openly before booking, respect each other’s limits, and leave room for plans to change. Sometimes the secret to a successful trip is letting one person climb the tower while the other enjoys a coffee at the café below. 

Read more: How to Check If a Destination Is Safe Before You Book: A Step-by-Step Guide for Older Travelers.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you ever traveled with someone whose energy level was very different from yours? Did you find a routine that works for both of you? Are you comfortable with separating from your travel buddy for part of the day? Tell us about it in the comments below.