The 3 Lessons It Took Me Forever to Learn (and I Keep Forgetting)

As I sit down to write this blog post, I search frantically in my notebook (that comes everywhere with me) for the page where I wrote the lessons. And that’s where it starts. I write it, know I have it somewhere, and promptly forget it. And there are a lot of places to forget about it. The notes on my phone, the Post-it Notes I reach for when nothing else is around, starting an article on my computer, and several other places I jot down things I never want to forget; I get stuck. But that’s a story for another day.

For today, I am laser-focused on transmitting to you these pearls of wisdom. These simple concepts that alluded me for way too long. Mostly because I don’t want to lose them again, so I know they will live on SixtyandMe. And I will be able to find them and remember.

I Am a Slow Learner

Here’s an oxymoron: I am a quick study but a slow learner. That is a truth that I didn’t want to believe. I see the answer. I get it. I congratulate myself for being insightful and aware. And then I do the same stupid thing again. My constant topic is “getting in my own way.” Knowing something and doing something else, consciously, unconsciously – at this point, what is the difference really? It keeps me stuck.

And now that I am at the stage of over 65, I am living that adage:

“Aging is like a roll of toilet paper; did you ever notice how much faster it goes at the end?”

I have noticed. And it is true. I want my last 20, hopefully 30 years of my life to be impactful. I want to live by these rules to make my day easier and to stay in the flow of what comes.

My Way of Making Habits Stick in Real Life

Let’s take a minute to review all the processes out there that help us change. This is by no means an exhaustive list; it is my list of how I integrate a tool or a new habit into a way of living.

Using Tools

A tool is an instrument used to fix a specific problem, like a hammer. In life situations, it’s tools that give me grace, like learning to take a pause, or my classic tool from my book Managing Annoying People: “Smile like you have a secret.”

Saying a Mantra

A mantra acts as a mental compass, words that bring me back to my true north. It is a repeated phrase that grounds my focus and keeps me in the moment.

Classic mantras include the popular Om or Aum to ground oneself. More modern mantras used are “I am present in the moment. I love myself. I am enough.” There are others, depending on who uses them.

Using both tools and mantras helps me stay in the lesson, the moment I see the truth and know what I need to do. That moment I keep losing.

Learning the Lesson

Done consistently, purposely over time, the tools and mantras help me learn the lesson; and with any luck, it will stick. It becomes wisdom gained from real-world experience.

A Way of Living

And then the holy grail. Once I seamlessly integrate these tools and mantras into my lessons, and I can do them as daily habits, they transform into a deeply ingrained and, dare I say, intuitive way of responding. They become my way of living; an internal shift causes an outward change, and they are now simply a core part of who I am every day.

The Life Lessons I’d Like to Remember – and Pass on to You

These three pearls of wisdom are in that category – they are a way of living; a set of beliefs that impacts everything I do. These are the lessons that keep the path from disappearing and place me in the right place for living a life beyond my wildest dreams.

It Doesn’t Have to Be so Hard

This doesn’t mean it is easy. It just means that whatever is in front of me, if I break it down into baby steps and take those steps, I will get there. That does not mean thinking about taking those steps, planning to take the steps, mulling over all the actions I need to take, procrastinating, or my favorite – hoping those steps will just magically get done.

I am in the process of bringing a new product to the cookware market: the iLean-Pan. I have been searching for my marketing channels – the ways the customers who need my product will find me. Best practice says test three. I was going down a complicated road of hiring influencers who, if I get a good deal, would recommend and use my product so that their followers will use my product. It is not only an accepted, but a proven, customer acquisition method. And given my product, a good fit.

But you know what, finding influencers, navigating the platforms that track and match and pay them is very complicated. Yet I persisted. I met with the major platforms, I researched, I compared pricing and was getting ready to decide. Suddenly, an invite to a trade show appeared. And it fit, and it made sense, and it is an easier path for me. I don’t have to navigate online platforms; it fit into my budget, and if you haven’t figured it out by now, I love talking and am good at it. So why was I getting someone else to talk for me – the influencer?

And I became befuddled: can I just let go of the prior method – the influencers? Another one of my evergreen topics – letting go. I consulted with my Mastermind (guru businessperson on company growth), and he thought it was a great idea. And I pivoted. Yeah Me! Those tools, those mantras, those lessons, all lined up so I made a good decision.

And then. I woke up in a sweat about managing the influencers. And I had to remind myself: no more influencers. And mid-day, when I was calm, again the tizzy started; my internal voice: “Oh no, I didn’t do all the work I need to on the influencers…” This happened several more times until I realized I let go, so I let go.

The trade show is the easier, softer way. It doesn’t have to be hard. And yet, I need to keep reminding myself that. And yet, here I am with less drama in my life.

Ask for Help

Upfront, I need to say, ask the right people for help. I spent a lot of years trusting the wrong people. Why? It was what I knew, it was who offered, it was what I thought I had to do – who cares; the point is I am not doing that anymore.

Find your tribe: the people who truly have what you want, such as a successful business, a hard worker, a good attitude, good business standards and practices, and a common-sense approach to problems. The type of person who offers advice in a kind way and truly wants me to succeed. Make your own list of who is the right person to help and then ask.

What is the worse that can happen, they say NO? Then they are not your person. Asking isn’t the hard part, because if it is that right person, it will be a yes. For me, it’s harder knowing who to ask. Making that list and sticking to it was the hard part. And then refer to lesson #1: It doesn’t have to be so hard; it’s my internal hysterical historical thinking that makes it hard. Make my list and who to ask will be apparent. And that brings us to lesson #3.

I Am Special

We are all special and unique. But that is not the whole story. I must remember, especially when it comes to business pursuits and bringing a product to market, that I am special. I have a product no one else offers. I found a way to build this thing, to make my vision come to life. I didn’t turn back when the road was hard, because the process didn’t have to be hard. Everything I do has gotten me to the next place, and instead of saying things like “well, what were my options” or “you would have done the same if you were me,” I must own that I am special.

I had an idea; I took it to completion. I spent months researching, retrofitting, and building it. I stayed the course, and I brought it to fruition. And I had the time of my life doing it. Learning about CAD (Computer-Assisted Design) and 3-D printers, metallurgy – how metal acts under pressure.

I stuck to it. Against naysayers, against prototypes that were too heavy, too bulky, and just not right. I stuck to the course, and I built a working prototype, also known as an MVP (minimum viable product), and now I am taking it to market. And all the time, I trusted the path and remembered why I started: to solve a problem of one-pan meals that don’t come out right. If someone else told me that story, I would absolutely, without reservation, tell them how special they are. Now I tell myself and make sure I listen.

What’s Next:

Don’t hesitate to make it less hard. Ask for help early and often. Give yourself a pat on the back, a hug, and remember no one else can do what you do; you are special!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What lessons do you keep forgetting? Do you write important things down – and find them later? Do you follow your own advice?