Have you considered that there are different approaches to the dating process? Well, there are. For some people, dating is like an adventure. Others whine all the time that they can’t find anyone worth dating. And still others, like a challenge. Which one are you?

Let’s have a look at each of them separately.

Adventure Approach

Now, if you ask me, this is by far the best approach, whether you’ve experienced online dating or not. Adventure includes excitement, but it certainly does not preclude a bit of nervousness and angst. A bit of both is good and common to trying something new… or something scary!

Here’s an example of what a client said about trying online dating:

“Online dating is like going into an unknown jungle with all kinds of wild animals, dangerous plants, and traps…. but also, gorgeous flowers, sweet animals and revitalizing pools. It helps to have the no-nonsense safety guide who does the briefing BEFORE you go in and then is also the guide who points out things along the way. Sometimes, she has to pick you up after a bad fall and dust you off. Now, imaging going into the jungle with NO guide or briefing…. no wonder people have horrible experiences!”

Whiner Approach

Oh, oh. I’m sure the title gives advance notice of how this is going to work out. Not well, you are thinking, yes?

Unfortunately, I do bump into this occasionally. Where does this attitude come from? Well, let’s create a list and see if you fall under any of these:

• “I tried it once (half-heartedly) and got no responses.”
• “I sent a few men hearts/likes and never heard from them.” This is men’s number one complaint. They see it as you just tossed the ball in their court and didn’t even bother with a message. What are they supposed to make of that?
• “Why would an accomplished good-looking man or woman need this?”
• “My single friends have told me horrible stories about _________ (insert any dating site/app here).”
• You create your profile or call a dating coach but you already have pre-conceived notions that there are no good men out there.
• Or you are certain all the good men are married.

Time to buck up. This may have been the experiences some had in the 90s and early 2000s, but online dating has radically changed. Thus, your attitude must change into a positive one, or at least neutral.

Just think about this: 48% of Americans are single according to the US Census Bureau, there are over 1500 dating sites/apps in the US, and the number one way people are finding relationships in their 50s –70s is online dating.

To be blunt, had you been divorced, widowed or single in the 1990s, it would have been tough meeting the right people at our age. Uh, uh, not anymore. We are so fortunate!

So, what do I do with a whiner client? Laura, 62, was one, and I immediately put a stop to her talking to single, negative friends about dating. Talk to an impartial third party who can be your cheerleader, like a good dating coach for both accountability and to keep your spirits up and in perspective.

The Challenge Approach

Oh, I like this one too! Many women decide to open their hearts and minds, generally for a three-month period, and give it their all. Why does this work?

• It’s for a short period of time.
• They’ve decided they are all in.
• They get professional photos taken. (No, these needn’t be costly –I work with resources that charge $200-$250 and believe me, this is a good investment.)
• Like deciding to take up yoga or pickle ball, they ask an expert for help to navigate the ins and outs.
• They forget long lists of must-haves and hone it down to 2-3 very important things to them (it may be religion, geography, level of education, etc.).
• When they see an interesting man online, they don’t wait for him to connect – those days are long gone! They send a fun, informative message expressing interest.
• The first two weeks they go on 4-5 first dates. Gulp. Really? Yes, it’s like going to the gym regularly – by date 5 they have practiced enough and feel comfortable!

Tara, 58, was very uncomfortable sending messages. Back in November, her typical message was a heart with “Hi, how are you?” Of course, this is generic and elicited how many responses? Zero! This comes across as no real interest and a copy/paste. Tara has since graduated to 2-3 sentence messages showing that she read the prospect’s dating profile and has genuine interest. In February, she went on 6 dates. My fingers are crossed for Tara!

Attitude is everything, and yes, I see people fall in love every month. Sometimes every week. And that’s why I do what I do!

Happy Dating!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Which dating category do you fall into: whiner, adventurer or challenge-lover? How has your attitude helped or hindered your dating process?