I Don’t Have to Dislike Who I Am Today to Become Better Tomorrow

My father was a big man in just about every sense of the word.

He was a big, redheaded Irishman who weighed well over 200 pounds and had played professional football for the Pittsburgh Steelers back in the leather-helmet days.

Then he had me.

I topped out at about five-foot-nine and, for much of my life, weighed around 135 pounds. Physically, I certainly wasn’t the son I believed my father had pictured for himself.

But the differences went much deeper than size.

For a good part of my life, I measured myself by my father’s yardstick. Whatever I pursued, somehow I came away feeling that I hadn’t quite measured up. I wanted his approval more than I probably understood at the time, and when I didn’t feel I was getting it, I didn’t question his expectations.

I Questioned Myself

If I wasn’t succeeding in his eyes, I must be failing.

There was a period of my life that I eventually came to call my “slow suicide.” I wasn’t trying to end my life. It was something far more gradual. Day after day, I was tearing down the person I was because I couldn’t become the person I thought somebody else wanted me to be.

I wasn’t taking care of myself. I made choices that were destructive. But perhaps the greatest damage was happening inside. When you spend enough years believing you’re a disappointment, eventually you can become one to yourself.

Then, somewhere along the way, I finally understood something that changed my life.

Deciding to Be Who I Am

There was no way in hell I was ever going to please my father.

So I might as well be who I am.

That realization didn’t suddenly make me perfect. It didn’t erase my mistakes, and it certainly didn’t stop me from making new ones. What it did was allow me to stop auditioning for somebody else’s approval.

I began learning to appreciate myself.

Today, at 83, I’m still trying to grow. I’m still learning new things, starting projects, making mistakes, changing my mind and trying to become a little better tomorrow than I was yesterday.

Changing Expectations

But there’s an important difference now.

I don’t have to dislike today’s Bruce in order to improve tomorrow’s Bruce.

Maybe that’s something worth thinking about as we grow older.

Whose expectations are you still trying to satisfy?

It could be a parent, a former spouse, your children, society, or even the younger version of yourself who decided long ago what your life was supposed to look like by now.

Some of us may still be trying to impress people who aren’t even in the room anymore. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to grow. I hope I never stop. But you don’t have to reach some imaginary next level before you’re entitled to appreciate the person you are today. You can still be a work in progress without treating yourself like an unfinished product.

Keep becoming.

Just don’t spend your whole life becoming and forget to spend a little time simply being.

Let’s Start a Conversation:

Have you ever spent part of your life trying to become the person someone else wanted you to be? And if so, when did you finally realize it was okay to simply be yourself?