Why Being a Regular Is One of Life’s Greatest Luxuries

Every Sunday morning for the last decade or so, my friend and I meet up at a local coffee shop.

We always settle into the same two chairs by the back, next to a wall that displays a rotating mix of work by local artists. The baristas greet us warmly and know our orders by heart. For me, it’s a nonfat chai latte and bagel with double cream cheese – a weekly indulgence. Before long, familiar faces begin to drift in. We wave to all of the youngsters, still wrapped in their pjs and snuggled into strollers, and exchange a few words with folks we’ve accome to recognize over countless Sunday mornings.

None of these people are close friends. But for an hour or so every week, we’re part of the same little community, which I’ve come to realize is one of life’s greatest luxuries.

For much of our younger years, we focus on trying to stand out. We build careers, raise families, volunteer, serve on committees, and work hard to make a meaningful contribution. Recognition often comes through those activities and achievements.

But when we grow older, being known becomes less about what we’ve accomplished and more about simply showing up. We appreciate the comfortable feeling of walking into a place where someone smiles because they recognize us. It’s reassuring to hear, “The usual?” or “How have you been?” These interactions may last only a minute or two, but they remind us that we belong somewhere.

Community Isn’t Always Built Through Deep Friendships

When we think about community, we often picture large groups of friends gathering around a dinner table or lifelong relationships that have weathered decades together. While those relationships are precious, it’s important to remember that community is also built through something much smaller and far more accessible: repeated, everyday encounters.

Whether it’s the woman you pass every morning on your walking route, the bookstore owner who recommends your next novel, or the yoga instructor who notices when you’ve missed a class, these low-contact relationships weave a reassuring thread through our lives.

Showing Up Is an Act of Belonging

Many women experience a surprising loss of routine after retirement or when children leave home. The places that once provided daily interaction disappear almost overnight. Without realizing it, our worlds can become smaller. When work or kid-adjacent invitations begin drying up, feelings of isolation and invisibility can start to creep in.

Fortunately, creating a sense of belonging is built the very same way. A volunteer shift at a nearby nonprofit, a weekly visit to a farmers market, or a standing trip to a neighborhood dog park can provide regular touchpoints with a community and open doors to conversation, connection and more. The beautiful thing about becoming a regular is that you don’t have to force it. You just keep showing up.

Be the One Who Starts the Tradition

Of course, someone usually has to suggest that first coffee date. Someone has to text, “Same time next Sunday?” Someone has to become the planner. And that someone should be you.

As we get older, it’s easy to assume everyone else is busy or already has plans. The truth is that many women are hoping for exactly what you are – a reason to get out of the house, share a conversation, and feel connected. Don’t underestimate the gift of extending the invitation. By creating a simple weekly tradition, you’re enriching your own life and giving someone else something to look forward to.

A Life Filled with Familiar Faces

My friend and I have tried other coffee shops. We’ve also tried taking a walk instead of lingering over hot beverages. And to be perfectly honest, the chairs at the coffee shop are not that comfortable. Yet, something about seeing familiar faces, checking out the community bulletin board to see what’s happening at the library, watching dogs poke their heads into the drive-thru window, and being greeted with a cheery “Nice to see you again” makes me feel connected, valued and… seen. We’ll keep going – as long as they don’t run out of chai.

If you’re looking for more simple ways to create connection, joy, and something to look forward to each week, I’d love to have you join me for Spark 60. Every Wednesday, I share one small idea designed to spark curiosity, strengthen relationships, and help women make the most of this brilliant stage of life.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Are you a regular to a venue or event? Do you go alone or with a friend? What do you think about being a regular somewhere?