For the past 25+ years, I have coached clients on dating – in the old days (90s and early 2000s) with matchmaking and in the 2010s and 2020s with online dating. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that there are over 100 million singles in the US alone. But every week I see someone fall in love – and that makes me feel so happy.
So here we go with the tips:
This is a breezy, fun to read profile. Energetic? Yes, you can read energy crackling on a page! My best example is Men’s Health Magazine (yes, I’m female and I read it!). They understand their audience and write in short bursts and blurbs. This captivates a weary reader and gives info in a fast, almost bullet-pointed fashion. Write an exciting dating profile, caution to the wind!
If you do not, success may be elusive. Just because your best friend in NYC used Coffee Meets Bagel to meet her boyfriend, does not mean the same app will work for you in Dallas. Do your research on websites/apps specific to your area.
If a couple of local friends successfully met their partners online (key word here is successfully, not your friends who are crucifying online dating), yes, definitely ask them which site they used!
Online dating apps that don’t use longer profiles only give you the opportunity to share about yourself in under 100 or 250 characters by asking a prompt question. Be mindful with your words and also note that full sentences are not a necessity here.
Bonus tip: Don’t pick prompts like “For fun I like to….” You know why people pick this one? It’s the first one on the list of 20-30 prompts, and the answer is usually something boring, such as “Travel and Family.” Do you think this response reveals anything about you? Nope.
How about choosing the “If I could teleport anywhere this weekend…” prompt? Now, singles rarely use this one as it’s (yes, you guessed) toward the bottom of the list. But the people who answer generally have fun and intriguing responses – they put some thought into this one!
Let’s say it’s a Saturday night. You are online, perusing potential dates, and a message pops up for you. Maybe it’s someone you had “liked” or just a random person who had liked you. Answer right away! No, you don’t have to wait 3 hours or 3 days – most dating sites and apps show when you are online which in this case is a good thing. Now you can get a conversation going and not waste precious time.
This will exude sexy confidence on the date.
This felt like the beginning of a Dr Seuss! Now that you have messaged back and forth two times via the app/site, it’s time to take it to a real phone call. How? Very simply, ask. “Would you like to phone chat/facetime for 10 minutes to see if we would like to meet in person”?
This effectively does two things: sets a boundary for 10 minutes (Who needs to talk for an hour – do that on the date!) and basically tells the other person the reason: to set up a date if you like each other.
Believe me, as a dating coach with over 30,000 clients under my belt, it works. Who wants a text buddy? No one. Who wants real in person dates? You do – and if they respond with “Oh, let’s text to get to know each other better,” block and delete them. Statistically, this date is never going to happen.
I vet and help select every one of my clients’ photos. Two years ago, with Covid, I gave my clients more latitude with photos. (Yes, I know Covid is still a part of our lives, but most of us have learned how to live with it and still go about their daily business… and dating!)
Always smile – the Victoria Beckham/Anna Wintour look won’t work with online dating. I have a client who plays piano for a well-known symphony – she gets so many comments on her photo in a black dress and pearls at a grand piano.
But then again, she’s an avid hiker – her ice pick climbing-a-glacier-photo in Alaska from a few weeks ago is also real – and well-liked by men. Neither of these two photos are posed, btw. All natural. Oh, and the magic number of photos to post is somewhere between five and eight.
Quickly delete any profile with no photos or just one photo. If the profile is not filled out and lists only 2-3 interests, it’s probably a bot, that is, not a real person.
You don’t have time to wonder. Online dating is a game best played quickly, so don’t hesitate to delete. Even if his one photo is gorgeous. Anyone who shows a negative mindset in their profile or has written a novella (multiple paragraphs about their last relationship) is a big red flag.
That means, share your true age and photos that represent what you look like now. The goal here is to meet in person, and you don’t want to be duped on a date when he shows up looking 10 years older and 20 pounds heavier than his so called recent photos.
Be proud of your age and life experience. And, if you think you look 10 years younger than your true age (something I hear consistently from clients of both sexes), keep it to yourself. Let your date come to that lovely conclusion.
This is not a marriage audition! Keep it light and breezy. Discuss current events, latest films out, travel plans. If they ask, “How’s online dating going?” there is only one answer you are allowed to share: “Great, so much fun meeting different people!”
Online dating can really be so much fun when taken in the right spirit. Yes, you may want a long-term relationship (over 60% of my clients are successful in this regard) but you have to start by dating. One date turns into two… and before you know it, you are in a relationship. Chin up. There’s a lid for every pot!
Have you looked at too many singles’ profiles? What captivates you in a profile? Looking at your own dating profile, do you think it’s interesting or needs improvement? What would you improve right away?
Tags Senior Dating Advice