Why I Don’t Charge My Kids Rent to Live at Home
In a world where everything comes with an enormous price tag, I’ve made a deliberate choice not to charge my six kids rent to live at home. It’s not because I’m against teaching responsibility or preparing them for adulthood. It’s because I believe in giving them the kind of support that truly sets them up for success that is not just emotional, but financial, too.
Our Home Is a Safe House
Their home is their refuge, a place of security and belonging, a safe house they have lived in since they were born. Which, of course, they didn’t ask to be. That decision was mine, and it came with the understanding that I was committing to raise, support, and guide them.
Not charge them.
I didn’t become a parent hoping for a return on investment. I didn’t raise my kids so they could start paying me back in rent when they hit adulthood. That’s just not how I see family. I chose to bring them into the world, and with that came the responsibility of making sure they feel safe, supported, and secure.
So no, I don’t want my kids to associate this home with a monthly bill. I want them to know they have a place in this world where they are always welcome, without condition or cost or judgement.
I Want to Make a Difference Now
And if the truth be told, I don’t have any inheritance or a trust fund to pass down. I don’t have parents to leave me anything, and I will almost certainly be working until the day I die. But what I do have is the ability to make a difference now. By not charging them rent, I give them the opportunity of keeping every penny they earn. And that’s a gift in itself.
Over time, that decision has helped them save thousands. It’s given them the chance to finance a gap year and go travelling to far flung destinations on the other side of the globe. They’re not in credit card debt like I was at their age, struggling to pay rent on a dingy bedsit whilst holding down a journalism training job and a retail job to supplement just basic living expenses.
They have money in the bank that’s building their future, creating financial security early in life. It’s creating freedom and breathing space to make better choices than I did at their age. And you can’t make good choices from a place of scarcity.
My eldest son is reaching his target of having a deposit for his first home soon, and thankfully, he isn’t in a hurry to house hunt. It’s not about spoiling them. It’s about giving them a head start in a world that’s financially stacked against them from the beginning.
It’s Not Dependency; It’s a Chance
Some might say that letting them live rent-free is setting them up to be dependent. I disagree. Living at home doesn’t mean living without rules or expectations. My kids still contribute in other ways. They buy their own toiletries and pay for takeaways and travel costs.
They’re grateful, as they see their friends having to fork out to pay their parents. Having been utterly terrible with money for as long as I have earned it, I’ve encouraged them to learn from my mistakes and treat this opportunity wisely, by saving aggressively while they can. And they listen to me, I’m sure, even though Amazon delivery drivers surely have our address saved, judging by the daily parcels that arrive.
This Setup Won’t Be Forever; I’m Enjoying It While It Lasts
Eventually, they’ll move out, but there’s no pressure on them to leave. Life will demand more from them soon enough. For now, we get to share meals, have silly conversations and enjoy each other’s company under the same roof. I’m not going to tax them for that privilege.
These years are fleeting, and no amount of rent money could ever be worth what I get in return. I love seeing the pile of shoes in the hall, I smile when I hear them snap open a pack of cards over the kitchen table as their laughter echoes through the hall.
Of course, it wouldn’t kill them to empty a bin now and again, but it’s a small niggle I am happy to get wound up over because they grew up in a heartbeat and will be gone in a flash. But these years when your kids are grown, but still at home are to be treasured. These moments are fleeting and getting to enjoy them as adults is a privilege and a blessing. And when the time comes, they’ll leave home with confidence, stability, and truly ready for the world.
Every Family Is Different
I appreciate that not every family is in the same financial position. Some parents need the extra income or believe that rent teaches discipline. That’s totally valid. But for me, offering a rent-free home is how I help my kids build a stable foundation. Something I wish I’d had when I was younger.
My mother literally had a clock ticking and the calendar marked as soon as I turned 18 and couldn’t wait to kick me out. I’ve never been good with money and if truth be told, I am still learning. Not because I was lazy or stupid but because no one ever taught me how to be good with money.
So yes, thank God my children are OK. They’ve got a financial head-start that I never had. That’s not luck. That’s me making sure they don’t repeat the same patterns. That’s a mother breaking cycles, even while struggling quietly behind the scenes. It’s not about handouts. It’s about a hand up. If I can lighten their load while they build their future, I’ll consider that one of the best investments I’ve ever made.
Read more of Amanda’s blogs here.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
When did your children leave the nest? Have you offered them a safe home until they could save up and move out without debt? Do you think making adult children pay rent is part of growing up?
Tags Adult Children
I’m not sure I agree with this as being a good idea. My sister in law and her husband have 3 adult children aged 30, 27 and 24 living with them for free and none of them are able to manage money well. It’s like they just blow their earnings on whatever comes along, big car loans, 2 or 3 expensive holidays a year, JustEats deliveries because they don’t eat as a family, clothes, etc. In fact they don’t even do things like their own laundry. They even partitioned off part of their lounge to create a bedroom for the eldest.
The youngest is about to become a father in the autumn but he doesn’t have anywhere to live with his girlfriend yet.
In some respects it’s learned behaviour on the part of my sister in law as she and my husband have a younger brother aged 56 who has never left home, he was the blue eyed boy and their mother did everything for him. He’s never been responsible for rent or bills, holidays in places like Australia and has a new car every year. Mother in law died 6 years ago and he’s being left everything when his father dies as that’s what my mother in law wanted. It was her way of having control over him. She also kept control over my sister in law by baling her out financially every time she ran up a load of debt.
You are absolutely correct in everything you say. Wishing more parents would do the same.
There’s more than one way to do everything and that includes raising children. One way is not necessarily more right or more wrong than any other way. In many countries, it is normal and even preferable for adult children to remain in the home until they marry or move away for some other reason.
In the US, we have long been conditioned to believe that we should become independent as soon as possible and move out of our parents’ home. That’s okay for some and for others, maybe not. I do believe it was easier to become independent 20 or 30 years ago. But times have changed. It is not as easy for our children to get self-sustaining jobs, especially if they are bogged down by student loan debt. It’s also harder to become self-sufficient because the cost of living is so darn high.
Nonetheless, I did instill in my children a desire to become financially independent because there is so much growth and excitement that occurs when you begin to figure out life on your own and I won’t be around forever. So I did charge them rent and I didn’t give it back to them, because that’s real life. They had to help out with chores and they had to cook at least one dinner per week.
I taught them how to save, how to invest, and how to budget. I learned none of this from my parents when I was growing up. I was self taught and passed this knowledge on to my children. I also encouraged them to research and learn more than I could teach them.
They now have good careers, are self-sufficient, travel, and are seemingly well adjusted. I know I did the right thing whenever I hear them thank me for gently pushing them towards independence, as they have friends who, in their 30s, are still living in their parents’ basement with no dreams, no drive, no jobs, and no money. I also feel pretty confident that I raised my son in the right way when his girlfriend thanks me for raising “a man”.
They still come over on all the holidays and a few times a month, and when they do, we try out new dinner recipes, take hikes, play games or just sit and talk about life. Additionally, twice a year, we vacation together.
My children know where home is and they know it will always be their haven, AND they have their own independent happy lives. Job done.
How does paying for room and board not make a home safe? If I have a mortgage-does that mean my home isnt safe?
Equating ‘free’ with “safe” makes no sense.
At last – someone who sees the whole ‘adult kids choosing to stay at home’ from a different perspective. You have the courage of your convictions. Well done!