Why I Don’t Charge My Kids Rent to Live at Home
In a world where everything comes with an enormous price tag, I’ve made a deliberate choice not to charge my six kids rent to live at home. It’s not because I’m against teaching responsibility or preparing them for adulthood. It’s because I believe in giving them the kind of support that truly sets them up for success that is not just emotional, but financial, too.
Our Home Is a Safe House
Their home is their refuge, a place of security and belonging, a safe house they have lived in since they were born. Which, of course, they didn’t ask to be. That decision was mine, and it came with the understanding that I was committing to raise, support, and guide them.
Not charge them.
I didn’t become a parent hoping for a return on investment. I didn’t raise my kids so they could start paying me back in rent when they hit adulthood. That’s just not how I see family. I chose to bring them into the world, and with that came the responsibility of making sure they feel safe, supported, and secure.
So no, I don’t want my kids to associate this home with a monthly bill. I want them to know they have a place in this world where they are always welcome, without condition or cost or judgement.
I Want to Make a Difference Now
And if the truth be told, I don’t have any inheritance or a trust fund to pass down. I don’t have parents to leave me anything, and I will almost certainly be working until the day I die. But what I do have is the ability to make a difference now. By not charging them rent, I give them the opportunity of keeping every penny they earn. And that’s a gift in itself.
Over time, that decision has helped them save thousands. It’s given them the chance to finance a gap year and go travelling to far flung destinations on the other side of the globe. They’re not in credit card debt like I was at their age, struggling to pay rent on a dingy bedsit whilst holding down a journalism training job and a retail job to supplement just basic living expenses.
They have money in the bank that’s building their future, creating financial security early in life. It’s creating freedom and breathing space to make better choices than I did at their age. And you can’t make good choices from a place of scarcity.
My eldest son is reaching his target of having a deposit for his first home soon, and thankfully, he isn’t in a hurry to house hunt. It’s not about spoiling them. It’s about giving them a head start in a world that’s financially stacked against them from the beginning.
It’s Not Dependency; It’s a Chance
Some might say that letting them live rent-free is setting them up to be dependent. I disagree. Living at home doesn’t mean living without rules or expectations. My kids still contribute in other ways. They buy their own toiletries and pay for takeaways and travel costs.
They’re grateful, as they see their friends having to fork out to pay their parents. Having been utterly terrible with money for as long as I have earned it, I’ve encouraged them to learn from my mistakes and treat this opportunity wisely, by saving aggressively while they can. And they listen to me, I’m sure, even though Amazon delivery drivers surely have our address saved, judging by the daily parcels that arrive.
This Setup Won’t Be Forever; I’m Enjoying It While It Lasts
Eventually, they’ll move out, but there’s no pressure on them to leave. Life will demand more from them soon enough. For now, we get to share meals, have silly conversations and enjoy each other’s company under the same roof. I’m not going to tax them for that privilege.
These years are fleeting, and no amount of rent money could ever be worth what I get in return. I love seeing the pile of shoes in the hall, I smile when I hear them snap open a pack of cards over the kitchen table as their laughter echoes through the hall.
Of course, it wouldn’t kill them to empty a bin now and again, but it’s a small niggle I am happy to get wound up over because they grew up in a heartbeat and will be gone in a flash. But these years when your kids are grown, but still at home are to be treasured. These moments are fleeting and getting to enjoy them as adults is a privilege and a blessing. And when the time comes, they’ll leave home with confidence, stability, and truly ready for the world.
Every Family Is Different
I appreciate that not every family is in the same financial position. Some parents need the extra income or believe that rent teaches discipline. That’s totally valid. But for me, offering a rent-free home is how I help my kids build a stable foundation. Something I wish I’d had when I was younger.
My mother literally had a clock ticking and the calendar marked as soon as I turned 18 and couldn’t wait to kick me out. I’ve never been good with money and if truth be told, I am still learning. Not because I was lazy or stupid but because no one ever taught me how to be good with money.
So yes, thank God my children are OK. They’ve got a financial head-start that I never had. That’s not luck. That’s me making sure they don’t repeat the same patterns. That’s a mother breaking cycles, even while struggling quietly behind the scenes. It’s not about handouts. It’s about a hand up. If I can lighten their load while they build their future, I’ll consider that one of the best investments I’ve ever made.
Read more of Amanda’s blogs here.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
When did your children leave the nest? Have you offered them a safe home until they could save up and move out without debt? Do you think making adult children pay rent is part of growing up?
Tags Adult Children
Love this; it’s a good counter to all the advice I read to charge, to have certain rules & expectations. It’s a good reminder that not every adult child living at home is to be treated as a burden, or as a constant series of lessons. That they are family and to just be enjoyed when possible. That’s also a good lesson to them of what family can be.
It’s hard to wrap my head around this concept. I paid rent at 16 to help my mom make ends meet. I feel I am a better person because of it. She’s 86 now and she helps me with a little rent. Hope your kids can return the favor someday too.
My children left the nest after high school, on to college with scholarships and my help with tuition. I feel it is healthy to be independent with a place of their own. They do too.
This article explains your position eloquently. My concern is that “children” need to become “adults ” and how to handle living as adults with responsibilities. In my opinion paying rent (even is its a small amount) is important. It costs money to own and run a home; they are using water, electricity, and your home. In my opinion, as a parent, this a disservice to your “children “…
It seems to me that this isn’t about your kids at all. It’s about you and not letting them go. Life is not one big free ride. It’s important to teach your children what it is really like out there. A better way is to charge them rent and without them knowing, save it fir them. When they leave give it all back to them as a head start. It teaches responsibility not dependency.
This is how the culture is in most Asian countries, like China, India, Japan, and the entire Middle East and Far East Asia. The parents support the children until they are mature adults, helping them transition into their own world by providing support until approximately age 25-28, at which point the children are ready to move out on their own. And the children need this support to build their lives, in the absence of which many will go astray. At the end of the day, these are our kids who look upon us for support and guidance in their journey.
My friend is Indian, born in Kenya. Both his sons are in their 20s with Postgraduate degrees, the eldest is doing PhD research. The younger isn’t sure what he wants to do and has moved back to his parents house, but my friend told him if he wants to be there it’s not free and he has to work for his IT company.in return if he’s not paying rent and bills. He’s also told him living at home doesn’t mean he gets his laundry done and his meals cooked as he needs to behave like an adult.
I agree with your friend. Supporting our children does not mean that they start taking advantage of the parents’ home and facilities. The children must focus on building their lives, working, and contributing in whatever way possible to receive continuous support from their parents.