Understanding Compatibility in Early Dating: What Really Matters

The biggest mistake women make in dating is staying too long with the wrong person. If you’re lonely, you are susceptible to picking wrong and then staying put, hoping to fix him. I want to prevent that!

Why Is Compatibility in Dating Important?

Compatibility is where most relationships go off the rails. Post-breakup, most people admit they knew all along what wasn’t going to work. But early in dating, people confuse chemistry with real alignment, and before they know it, they’re months into a relationship with someone whose life goals, habits, or values don’t actually match up with theirs. And that leads to resentment, frustration, and a lot of wasted time.

Here are the things I insist you look at within the first three dates:

Time Together: How Much Togetherness Works for You?

You must, more or less, agree on how much time together you actually want to spend. Some people are perfectly happy in long-distance relationships, and others want to be together every single day. If you don’t sync up here, I’d call it a fundamental mismatch.

You have to talk about it!

Some people are satisfied with long-distance relationships and meeting for travel and special events and some people want to see their partners every day for long periods, and everywhere in between, of course.

Doing Things Together: Activities in Common

Then there’s what you actually do together. Some couples want to do everything – dinners, events, hobbies – while others are fine keeping things separate except for sex or the occasional plus-one situation. If you have a strong preference, you need to be upfront about it. Ask yourself:

• Are you only looking for a “plus one”?
• Do you want to travel together?
• What involvement do you desire in each other’s families?

If you’re wildly different in these areas, this is what you will fight about and eventually what will break you up. Talk about it early on!

Frequency and Style of Communication

Are you a texter? Do you like to phone or video chat? How many dates a week feel like the right pace to you?

These are not taboo topics to bring up in the first few dates to ensure that each of you gives the right kind of and amount of attention to the other.

Two of the biggest complaints I hear from women daters over 60 are that the gentleman they are dating communicates too much or too little. They are not mind readers and they need to be trained how you like it.

Conflict Resolution: Can You Talk It Out?

Do you both agree that honesty is the best policy, or is one of you the type to sweep things under the rug and hope problems disappear?

Some couples never really fight because they know how to work through things respectfully and proactively. Others go from zero to disaster over the smallest issues. The key questions here are:

• Do we both agree to address issues rather than avoid them?
• Are we on the same page about truth-telling vs. withholding information?
• Can we navigate difficult conversations without them escalating?

Sex Compatibility? Frequency and Style

And let’s talk about sex. If your sex drives or preferences are wildly out of sync, you’re in for a rocky road. Sometimes people can adjust, but if one of you wants sex three times a week and the other is fine with once a month, resentment is going to build.

You do not need to like the exact same type of sex or frequency, but you have to be close enough for it to work. Ask yourself:

• Do we have similar needs when it comes to sex frequency?
• Are we comfortable discussing boundaries and preferences?
• Are we being completely transparent about sexual health?

If you’re avoiding these conversations, that’s a red flag in and of itself.

Monogamy: Are You on the Same Page?

Monogamy means different things to different people. Some are okay with a little flirting, while others think even texting an ex is crossing a line. If your definitions don’t align, that’s a major liability.

What This All Means?

Ladies, the best way to avoid cynicism and resignation about dating is to do it with your eyes wide open! Early dating is the best time to explore these matters openly with someone new and really determine whether or not it’s a good match.

I suggest only 3 dates to get the job done, and if you want to know more about how to get it all done that fast watch my free webinar “3 Secrets to Finding and Maintaining Healthy Love.”

Let’s Talk About It:

How do you determine if a person is compatible with you? Are there certain things you look for? What’s most important to you to make a relationship work?