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4 Secrets of Confident Divorced Women over 50

By Martha Bodyfelt September 17, 2023 Family

In my years as a divorce recovery coach for women over 50, and as a survivor of divorce myself, I have seen that every single confident divorced woman over 50 possesses four common traits. 

It doesn’t matter her professional background, or where she lives, or the circumstances leading to her divorce. What determines if she gets unstuck and breaks out of the hidden narratives she’s operating from are possessing four crucial traits. 

She Doesn’t Play the Victim

It’s understandable to feel like you’ve been wronged after divorce at 50. And you’re allowed to grieve and work through the mistreatment and disrespect that you endured. 

Taking charge of your healing is powerful. Knowing you deserve better and working to heal is what is going to build your confidence. But here’s the difference between a confident divorced woman who’s able to move on and one who stays stuck for years, not being able to move on past the divorce at 50 and beyond. 

The confident divorced woman acknowledges that pain, gets help with it, but knows that the mistreatment doesn’t define her. She owns her destiny and actively makes the moves to pursue her interests, passions, and the things that productively serve her so she can rock the next chapter of her life. 

She knows that she is capable and worthy of moving on from that past pain, and gets the help she needs if she gets stuck. 

Confident divorced women over 50 don’t waste their emotional energy thinking about the people who wronged them. They’re too busy focusing on their own amazing lives. 

She Is Self-Aware

A confident divorced woman over 50 knows her triggers, her quirks, her turn-ons, her non-negotiables, her standards, her boundaries, and her interests. 

She also knows her strengths and her weaknesses and can also acknowledge when she fell short.

She knows her worth, knows when to use her voice, but also has the intellectual humility to know she doesn’t know it all, but is always open to try new things. 

Confident divorced women know what they want out of life but are also okay with coming up with a Plan B when things don’t go as expected. 

Is knowing all of these things easy? 

Heck no. But confident divorced women over 50 have the faith in themselves to do the work to overcome the BS narratives that are keeping them stuck. 

That self-awareness, and being open to questioning those ideas that no longer serve them, and rewiring their DNA for something more empowering, is what sets them apart from the divorced women who feel stuck, unable to move on even years after their divorce. 

She Lets Go of People-Pleasing

Many women were raised with trash narratives that went along the lines of “being ladylike” and “being a good girl” and not stepping on toes. 

From a young age, many of us were conditioned to believe that the only way we would be accepted in life was if we made our parents happy, if we took care of our younger siblings, and if we got perfect grades to please the teachers. 

As if those burdens weren’t enough, when we got older, the people pleasing came in the form of always dressing sharp but not too sexy, wearing makeup to look “nice,” but not too flashy, finding a man but not marrying “too old to have kids,” staying home to raise the kids but also having your own career, and the list goes on and on. 

A confident divorced woman went through all of those contradictions. She didn’t have any special advantages over women who are still struggling. 

But the one factor that let her move on was the fact that she said, “to hell with this.” 

A confident divorced woman no longer cares what people think about her. 

She has become so grounded in herself and her own worth that she is no longer trying to win the acceptance and validation of others. 

When a divorced woman over 50 turns her attention to herself, what makes her happy, what makes her feel fulfilled, she feels better. She starts living life on her own terms. 

She Invests in Herself (Without Feeling Guilty) 

A confident divorced woman over 50 knows she’s worth it. She invests in herself to feed her passion and interests. 

Whether it’s signing for a French class because she loved learning it in high school but then life got in the way. Or hiring a private piano tutor because she loved playing when she was little. She knows that people in her life may be catty and say, “gee, must be nice to afford that,” but she ignores them. She doesn’t owe them any explanation. 

But she also invests in the things that will make her stronger, more resilient, and help her heal faster. 

She’ll hire the coach. And the therapist

She may feel overwhelmed and a little intimidated at taking the plunge to invest in herself. 

But she has faith that her investment will pay off. And she’s not afraid to work her tail off to make sure she gets the return on her investment. 

She knows that her past does not define her. That the commitment she makes to herself in the present will get her unstuck. And that her future is going to be one of fulfillment, fearlessness, and fun because she put the work in to get it. 

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Are you a confident divorced woman over 50? What are your secrets to feeling your best? Or are you feeling stuck in your post-divorce state? What stumbling blocks prevent you from believing in yourself?

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Holly Schmitz

I’m sure you wrote this about me! I’m 76 and did all those things that the “good girl” should. I put others before me, and cared too much. I had always been the happy, helpful mom, wife, daughter, but recently I hit “overload”. I became so depressed that I saw no hope and tried to end my life. After spending a week in a psychiatric facility, having meds changed, and going to a wonderful place for group therapy 3 times a week,etc,. I am my old, vivacious self again. I’ve learned (the hard way) that I need to put myself first, set boundaries, get beyond the painful past and just try to enjoy life again. Thankfully I recently became friends with a woman near my age who bought an Efoil surfboard. We go to a nearby lake and take turns on it while the other “girl” stand-up paddleboards. I also enjoy tennis with my girlfriends twice a week, workout regulary, have 3 adorable dogs, take care of my home and gardens, etc. And I’m raising my 15 year old grandson which is challenging!! My second divorce was a few years ago when my husband transgendered. It was devistating for me and now I’ve been on the roller coaster ride of dating. Yes, I’ve been hurt many times and probably broken a few hearts myself, but I keep on trying. When I finished group therapy last week the other people in group said things to me, about me. I couldn’t believe how many wonderful things they said. Apparently I am an inspiration to the younger participants. Two of the young women said they want to be like me when they get older. One young guy said I am “a bad ass” and to keep it up. It was so so wonderful to feel so appreciated — and I was the oldest in group! I hope my story inspires other women to embrace life and “just do it” as Nike keeps telling us. My personal mantra is “nothing ventured, nothing gained” which helps me keep going! Holly

Maggie Daly

Thank you I’m nervous about a trip to sth Africa with my son. Will I keep up,will I get ill,will it go wrong,will I let him down. I’ve got my knickers in a right twist. You’re words have helped me. I’m going to enjoy it yes I am !!

Anna Hinrichs

I left my home and husband one month after my 50th birthday. Hard part was finding out about the affair almost 3 yrs before. After I found out, he begged me to stay, loved me, blah, blah. As we had been together 35 yrs, I stayed. Two weeks later, he wanted me to come and join him at the gym he was going to 3 days a week. I go, and first thing he took me to a room to change, that also had a weight scale. Hard to do! Tells me if “you lose 40 lbs, I take you anywhere in the world!” Needless to say, within a few months, he was having ‘long work days’ (he worked 40 miles away)
Things slowly died. I left a month after my 50th. It was the only home I ever had, so was excruciating for me! I spiraled for 2 yrs, lost my job, and then mountains of health issues over the past 12 years have been hard. I have moved on mostly, I feel. Still see my therapist weekly, psychiatrist every few months. In the beginning I took a cruise by myself, rented a beach condo, by myself. I’ve gone a few other places, but mostly by myself (some friends have no money, some won’t travel without their husband’s) The majority of friends from my marriage were married, and I found myself being dumped by many of the women. That hurt, but couldn’t do anything about it. I moved to another city, but that has unfortunately not gone as hoped. During this time, the majority of my own family passed away. So, I still struggle with loneliness, and as I mentioned, body falling apart. My goal is to move near to my old town, we’re friends from high school and coworkers want me to come back, so, working on that. Wished I had done things so differently.

Stephanie Bryant

I feel your pain.I’m lonely too.

Stephanie Bryant

This is all great but mostly need money to do all the things I would like to do. Unfortunately I have to pay him alimony because I made more since he was disabled. That’s what’s keeping me stuck. He was an abuser yet I pay him money that I could use to make a new life.

Stephanie Bryant

This is all great but mostly need money to do all the things I would like to do. Unfortunately I have to pay him alimony but I made more since he was disabled. That’s what’s keeping m stuck. He was an abuser yet I pay him money that I could use to make a new life.


I have found (since I retired recently) that I still need some things scheduled and planned-to look forward to things. I found my local community center has one for over 50s-offers free classes-exercise, crafts etc. So, I go and exercise every day (and I am NOT an athlete! lol) Also, my local library has free programs-variety of topics. So, registered for those. Also, AARP Virtual community has tons of programs to do free. I just took a chair yoga class and today a qi-gong (sp) session. And if you have a smaller college nearby and like sports-go to those! I found a church with several community projects. I plan to volunteer soon, but still sorting through. I go to auctions (but have to watch spending). Hang in there-you are stronger than you realize!


“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
“There is a Spiritual Solution to every problem.”
Both quotes attributed to Dr. Wayne Dyer.

I am not walking in your shoes,but, as a 30+ year divorcee who experienced physical abuse, personal and financial losses. I find that gratitude brings peace and progress. Please Let it Go! Give thanks, and be grateful each month that you have the ability to pay the Alimony. Smile and joyously Bless that withdrawal or check as it’s goes out into the world and on it’s way to doing good. Please stop believing that this monthly act is preventing you from living a life of ease and enjoyment… it’s not! Our thoughts and feelings is what’s blocking our good. “Freely give, freely receive.” More will be returned to you. Your life of ease and joy awaits. Please change your thoughts and stop blocking your good. Reminder – what you focus on expands. Spend time focusing on what you want to bring into your life. The Universe awaits!

T. Smith

The laws in this country do not protect abused women or help them to move on. I also had to pay out my ex because he retired before me. Now my early retirement has to be put back. I had to pay once suffering his abuse then financially because I got the courage to leave him.

Stephanie Bryant

Exactly me! My husband was abusive, but because he became mentally ill from a terminal illness. I have to give him money monthly because I worked and retired where he had to leave his job because of his illness. He does not need the money as he is homebound( his,not mine) he threaten to take me to court and I just wanted to be done with him. But I am angry that I worked hard my whole life so I can give him money for nothing.! That would’ve been my travel money. Only thing to look forward to his when he is not on this earth anymore. I don’t have to give him anything. I will celebrate with a wonderful vacation for myself. That sounds horrible but he is horrible.


So you’re the victim? Re-read the article.


Thank you. You define me, a confident twice divorced woman soon getting to 60. I love me, I know God loves me, I am proud of me, I set and work on my personal goals…I don’t care what people say

The Author

Martha Bodyfelt is a divorce recovery coach who helps professional divorced women over 50 overcome their divorce loneliness and break free from the patterns keeping them stuck so they can feel fulfilled, have more fun, and live fearlessly. To find out what's *really* keeping you stuck after divorce, take the 30-second quiz.

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