Didn’t Feel Any Spark on the First Date? Try These 7 Tips
One of the most common complaints I hear from my coaching clients about first dates is that they didn’t feel any chemistry. So often we expect it to feel like a bolt of lightning like you see in the movies. We forget, we live in real life, not in a movie.
Can it happen? Sure. But realize that this is more likely a chemical reaction rather than an emotional connection. It’s a love vs. lust concept. If you don’t feel that sizzle as soon as you meet someone, it doesn’t mean there won’t ever be any chemistry between you two. It simply means it may need time to develop.
Most women don’t realize that they carry 50 percent of the responsibility of creating a spark on the first date. If it doesn’t happen naturally, there are some things to help it along. The key is to create enough interest on date number one so that you both want to learn more about each other on date number two.
Try these tips to help create a little sizzle:
Dress Comfortably
It’s hard to know how to dress on a first date. Should you buy something new, wear your best shoes, etc.? The real key is to be your best, beautiful self. Be sure to wear something comfortable that doesn’t slip, bunch, or feel too tight. And wear something that makes you feel like a million dollars. First impressions count.
Look for the Positive
When you go on a first date with a positive attitude and that feeling of excitement, it’s easier to experience that sense of giddiness. If you don’t initially feel it, focus on finding two or three things you really like about your date so your focus is on the positive and not the negative. It makes a difference.
Compliment Him
Yes, men love to hear compliments. If you want to get flirty, you could even say, “You’re cuter than I thought you were” when you first meet. If that’s too much for you, a sincere compliment of “You look nice” can set the stage for more casual compliments throughout the date. You don’t always need to compliment them on how they look. Maybe they have a great laugh or a point of view you appreciate. They’ll enjoy hearing about anything you like about them.
Sit Next to Him
Close the gap at the table by sitting next to him rather than across from him. It feels more intimate and makes it easier for you to talk to each other.
Touch Him
Men don’t experience much physical contact in their day-to-day lives so feel free to touch his arm, hand, or shoulder for emphasis while you’re chatting. You can even go for a hug and peck on the cheek when you first meet or end the date.
Be Authentic
You want to bring your real self to all your first dates. If you’re feeling excited or nervous to meet him, be open and tell him. He may be feeling the same way which can create some common ground, or he may step up to show support which will also create an open dialogue.
Keep Your Body Language Open
Even if you’re nervous, try to smile. Then keep your arms and hands open, it’s hard to feel close to someone with crossed arms. Lean into the conversation rather than away. And make sure your feet are facing in rather than out. Shifting your body to a more open position can lead to more open conversation.
No one can predict how things will go when you meet someone new. That’s why you’ll enjoy making those heart-to-heart connections quickly by using the tips above and the secret language that creates chemistry. You’ll be able to get to know him at a deeper level without feeling intrusive or getting too personal.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Do you believe you need to feel chemistry on date number one in order to go on date number two, or do you give it some time and let things develop?
Tags Senior Dating Advice
Since the death of my husband 18 years ago, I’ve only dated men I’ve met in person through groups or meetups. We started off having one thing in common – the group or meet up we were both attending. Saw each other a few times at the events and then decided to date. Having a 2 year relationship recently end, I’m actually considering on line dating. This article is giving me encouragement.
A few years back I had an ‘assortment’ of dates. I found the whole experience of meeting a total stranger totally drained me of energy. Its difficult dating at our time of life as we are set in our ways & know what we want. Im sure there’s a lot of good men still available out there, but realistically why are they single and why are we women single? Unless he’s a genuine widower the fact is he comes with baggage and a past as we do. Id have breaks with dating as i met some ‘strange’ men to say the least. I really didnt want to hear about what his ex supposedly did to him & why she kicked him out etc. I didnt want the date to bring his tweenaged son as well & the boy giving my chest a big squeeze hug hello!
I did meet a special someone finally, we dated for two years and lived together for another two years, but things just didnt work out for us unfortunately.
Eventually I met a nice bloke the ‘natural way’, a friend of a friend. We are still together nine years later. Its more companionship than falling madly in love & thats ok.
So my advice is after “lots” on line dating experience, I met my friend casually and there were no expecting.
I think the issue with online dating is that both the man & woman are under a bit of pressure when meeting. There seems to be an expectation that they should hit it off, whereas in the real world, meeting someone the old fashioned way is easier as there’s no pressure.
I have only one thing to say about the widowers. I dated a widower who was widowed for 12 years. He had kids and their mother passed when they were still very young. He has baggage that came along with the death of his wife and the mother of his children. I won’t list everything here. We had dated for 8 months and then things ended. He was just not emotionally available for another relationship – even 12 years after the death.
Yes everyone has a past and baggage to some degree, widowers and divorcees. My current relationship is far from perfect, and thats why im Independent of him some of the time. I rarely hear of any happy ever after stories of later life dating. Most of us at our point in life just cant be bothered anymore.
Well after that widower disappeared, I got lucky a month later and found my current husband (who happened to be divorced). We’ve now been together 14 years. Yes, I did have to kiss a lot of frogs, and although of course he’s not perfect but I did find my Prince Charming.