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How Is Dating a High-Quality Man Different in Your Feminine Energy

By Michele Burghardt April 23, 2024 Dating

Life has been busy for me. I’m launching my new coaching program at Date Great Guys, my mom is moving into assisted living, and I met and am dating a super wonderful high-quality man who is so much fun to spend time with.

Let me tell you how this has all progressed. If you’re following me, you know that in January I met a man who was close to what I was looking for. He had some masculine energy, and took me to upscale restaurants, but he didn’t know how to present himself and talked about money all the time. In the end, he didn’t like my body type, so he was out.

In February I met another man who was even closer to who I’m looking for. Again, he had some masculine energy, wasn’t afraid to invest in an evening out, dressed better than January man and could adult well. But he didn’t want to talk on the phone EVER, unless I was dead on the highway. I really liked him but felt like something was off, so I’ve moved on.

Both these men took me to nicer places than I have been to in quite some time and treated me well in the moment. But they were missing that secret sauce for me that builds attraction over time.

And then we have March Man. All I can say is WOW. Yes, ladies there are still high-quality masculine energy men out there, and I’ve met one. He planned our first date close to my home, so I wouldn’t have to drive too far which I thought was super thoughtful. He’s smart, fun, not afraid to talk about feelings, adults well, and is definitely a take-charge alpha male.

He’s the type of man that can handle anything that life throws at him – even someone as scattered and silly as I can sometimes be and is a willing and able partner in driving this bus we call life.

So Why Do I Feel So Unsettled?

One of the interesting things I’ve learned about my feminine energy from dating this man is that it’s not always easy to lean back and receive graciously. Up until now, I haven’t had much practice, because most men lack masculine energy.

Graciously receiving isn’t as easy as you may think for smart, successful, independent women who are used to taking care of themselves and the world around them. I’m so accustomed to ‘doing’ that I’ve discovered that receiving is a skill that can be learned but that doesn’t always feel natural when you first start practicing it.

As an independent woman, I’m not used to men doing things for me to make my life easier. I’m not used to men putting my needs first. And I’m not used to men taking care of all the details. This is a totally new experience for me, and I like it… even if it does feel different. The big lesson here is that it takes practice.

What I’ve Learned About Masculine Energy Men

The one thing that has become glaringly apparent is that if I didn’t allow him to do for me, he would feel unnecessary and irrelevant. He wouldn’t know where his place is within our relationship. On our first date, he would have been extremely insulted had I offered to pay for my own dinner. That would have made him feel like less of a man. And to be honest, his take-charge masculinity makes me feel like more of a woman, and I like the feeling of being protected and taken care of when I’m with him.

When I got divorced, I knew I needed to expand my horizons. I feel like learning how to receive is an extension of this. I’m simply learning how to relax and allow things to happen, and it feels good. And as I continue to practice receiving and living in my femininity, I can already feel it becoming more comfortable for me.

I talked with a client yesterday who was having a similar experience. She also recently met a high-quality masculine energy man and was experiencing similar feelings. It’s eye-opening to learn that if you’ve never had a relationship with a high-quality man who treats you well, you may have a learning curve, but it sure makes for fun homework.

Meeting this man has also clarified that living in your feminine energy has nothing to do with giving up your independence or letting someone control you. These two concepts have nothing to do with feminine energy at all. Living in your femininity is more about letting someone step up and be a true partner to you so you can both enjoy getting to know each other at a more emotionally intimate level.

My Final Ah-Ha Moment

The one thing that stands out about my dating experience this year is that each man I met moved me closer to meeting my person. Without dating January Man and February Man, I don’t think I would have been prepared for March Man. I’m not sure I would have been open to receiving without the practice I got with these two previous men. Even though they didn’t work out for me, I felt the shift and knew meeting them was an important part of my journey.

So, if you want to find love, give yourself grace. Get a clear picture of who you’re looking for and go on an adventure to find him. You’ll never know who the right man for you is unless you meet a variety of men. Rather than give up on love, embrace those frustrating dates. Know that with every man you meet, you’re getting closer to meeting the right man for you. And the only way you won’t find love is if you stop looking.

If this all sounds good in theory, but you don’t know where to start, you can learn more about my exclusive new coaching program with my free online masterclass, How to Find Love Over 50 Without Losing Yourself. You can register here and learn how smart, successful, independent women re-ignite their love life at this stage of the journey.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

When you’re dating, what’s the hardest thing to receive? Is it compliments, nice dinners, opened doors, etc.? Have you met a man who boosts your feminine energy?

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You mentioned almost nothing about the quality of the conversation with what you consider a good man. You mostly talk about whether or not he’ll take you to upscale restaurants and handle the details. There is much more to a quality man than being a high masculine energy alpha male

Michele Burghardt

Hi JLS, this article wasn’t really about the qualities of a high quality man. It was more focused on how we begin to feel more comfortable as we practice leaning back and let someone else share the control. Check out my blog for more info on masculine and feminine energy at Thanks for your note. xxoo Michele

Mary Smith (not my real name)

Finding a good man at my age is truly hard. I just turned 83, widowed twice. Yes, I have always been independent. You have to be to survive and not depend on others. I own my own home, live rural, Those I have met, don’t want to travel far, they want close to home. Also I get in their 60’s or 90’s. I was a caregiver and don’t want that route again. Nor do I want someone who could be my son. Now there is this guy, 85, rents a friends basement apartment, eats out, doesn’t cook, been widowed 2 yr, married 4 times. Now, he keeps hinting that the place he is living in will be sold, and he needs to find someplace to live. OH, by the way, his last wife died, but it was her home. NO way am I inviting him to move in. Been there done that, now his kids are suing me. Yet he never pd rent, but lived with me for 11 yrs.before he died, we never married. Where do you find a decent man. I find men in their late 70′ early 80’s want a woman in their 60’s. You say don’t stop looking, but after 2 a half yrs. I am ready to give up. This year is a total loss for me, with the law suit. We are at the point of discover, already spent $$$$$ on a lawyer, probably the wrong one. But never having to deal with a lawyer before, I w as at a loss. That is life.

Michele Burghardt

Hi Mary, thanks for the note. I’m sorry you’re having such legal problems. That’s never fun and I don’t know much about that, so the only recommendation I can make is to try to find a legal aid office somewhere or check with a university that has a law program. They may be able to help.

As far as your dating goes, I know it seems like you can’t find anyone special but I do want to encourage you to keep trying. Do the things you like to do that are also male oriented and meet men organically as well. It took me a long time to find the type of man I would be willing to invest me time in. I actively dated for 4 years and have more coffee dates than I could count. I wish you all the best. xxoo Michele


Mary, please just sort out the disaster the last loser created for you and ignore potential blood suckers. At 70+, most ‘available’ men are already on a banana skin and our future will be asa carer. I’ve never responded to one of these articles before but this nonsense has angered me so much. The writer is spruiking her own business or is delusional. Her comments about ‘alpha’ males is 1950’s Stepford Wives stuff. Alpha ultra masculine sounds like a controlling misogynist. Stay safe Mary, enjoy your kids and your life and get a dog. A much better investment for love health and happiness


Hi Roberta, thanks for your comment. I love it when I write something that inspires such a passionate response. I’m happy that you’re living your life on your terms and wish you all the best. xxoo Michele


What are your credentials for hypnotherapy?

Michele Burghardt

I have been a certified consulting hypnotherapist for over 20 years and worked with hundreds if not thousands of clients all over the world. I also teach other hypnotherapists how to help their clients suffering from trauma and extreme anxiety. Hope that helps. Feel free to email me at if I can answer any more questions. xxoo Michele


yes please…your definition of masculine energy needs to be more clearly explained…might require a follow up article

Michele Burghardt

Hi Sharon, I’m happy to write another article on masculine energy. This was more focused on how we need to practice letting go a little bit so we can enjoy someone sharing the load. I’ll do something about masculine energy soon. Feel free to check out my blog at There may be some articles of interest for you there. Thanks for your note. xxoo Michele


So how exactly is masculine energy defined ?

Laura Slater

I was wondering the same thing?

Michele Burghardt

Hi Mar, for the sake of everyone asking, here is how I define healthy masculine energy:

A man with healthy masculine energy:

1) Asks for and accepts help
2) Is confident enough to be wrong
3) Leads with flexibility
4) Has integrity
5) Knows what he wants out of life and is willing to work for it
6) Knows who he is and what he stands for
7) Is emotionally open and willing to be vulnerable
8) Puts your needs ahead of his own
9) Wants to provide and make you happy
10) Is excited to plan a date because he knows it allows you to relax and enjoy the evening

It doesn’t sound like this would be hard for a woman to receive, but sometimes it is. I’m looking for a man that I complement not compete with. I leave all my competitive efforts at the office.

Hope this helps.



Most of those are also traits of healthy women

Marilyn Larson

I do not know about most of us women in the age group I am in (64-74) but there are absolutely NO men that even come close to this description of “masculine energy”. Most are stubborn, do not want to change, have no integrity, do not want to take care of anyone, do not put your needs ahead of his, would never admit he was wrong, is not flexible, and would NOT be open and vulnerable because that indicates weakness to men in this age group. What to do? Meh, why bother? I have been divorced 10 years and have not found even ONE older gentleman to match even 2 of these qualities.

Last edited 20 days ago by Marilyn Larson

Hi Marilyn I’m sorry you’re not finding the right type of men. When this is happening to my clients we talk about their expectations. I explain to them how what they expect to find, they will find. The brain is a goal seeking mechanism and will find what they focus on. Hope this helps. Feel free to check out my blog posts at xxoo Michele

Carol Anne Cole

Also, I wonder how feminine energy would be described.


Hi Carol Ann

No one is 100% masculine or 100% feminine. We’re all a combination of both, but if you have two people in a relationship leading with the same type of energy, the relationship won’t be as easy-breezy as it could be if there is a give in take between the two people.

Here are some of the more traditional healthy feminine energy traits:

Being Emotionally Open
Self Care

Hope this helps. Feel free to check out my blog at for more info. Thanks for your note. xxoo Michele

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The Author

Michele Burghardt is an author, speaker, and dating coach for women 50 and over with 20 + years of experience in the self-help area. She believes loving yourself is the first step to finding love. You can learn more about her transformational coaching style and her book at

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