What to Expect Dating a Man Over 60
If you’re a woman 60 or older looking for a man about your age, there are some expectations I want you to set. These are not meant to scare you.
First off, they might help you feel less crazy, because if you’ve been dating, surely you’ve noticed them!
Secondly, as a dating coach for the last 20 years, I feel confident in saying an eyes-wide-open approach is best.
It’s better to understand what you’re getting yourself into. That way, rather than being surprised or disillusioned, you can focus on navigating early dating.
Let me know in the comments if you’ve noticed these things about men over 60 and if there are any I forgot.
He’s Set in His Ways
By our age, we’ve been around the block enough to think we’ve learned a thing or two. We think we know ourselves, how to communicate, and what’s important in life. Men are no different. It’s not a sign of arrogance for a man to think he knows what’s right and wants to stick to his current preferences and opinions.
Try to think of it as wisdom and confidence. That said, someone who is unwilling to hear your ways of doing things and your ways of thinking is not the man for you. There is a definite balance to be struck.
There Will Be Baggage
Along with habits and behaviors that are well-calcified, there may also be past traumas. By the time we get to be over 60, we’ve weathered health issues, empty nesting, troubled relationships, harmful habits, death of loved ones, career surprises and setbacks, and so much more.
Like you, a man over 60 has a history, and it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. In a healthy relationship, two people have learned from their pasts and come together in the spirit of putting that learning into practice to make something better.
He Wants to Be Appreciated and Accepted
Men of any age really value being seen through the eyes of love and acceptance, but older men even more so. They have worked hard to be the men that they are, and sometimes overcome many great hurdles.
They know they are not perfect, but they want to be given the benefit of the doubt that they’ve tried hard, thought things through, and earned the position they’ve achieved in life. Men really like to be appreciated for their hard work, courage, and loyalty, and it makes them want to keep on providing those things until they literally physically can’t anymore. How heroic!
He Hasn’t Given Up on Love
They may be older, but they have not given up on companionship and love, or, in most cases, sex. It would be impossible to guess by looking at an older man how interested he may be in finding a partner or having an active sex life again.
Since you can never be sure, dating sites are a great place to find older, single men who are ready to find love and/or romance again. Older men tend to have fewer friendships than older women, so they are likely even lonelier than we are.
Health Can Be an Issue
It would be foolish to expect anyone over the age of 60 to have no health concerns at all. Your care and understanding will go a long way. If you end up together, you’ll both be caring for each other as you age, so don’t rule out the notion that you both come with some “liabilities” in that department to begin with.
Health issues include those in the bedroom. ED is especially prevalent among men over 60, and there is a lot you can do to understand the issues and help your partner move through them.
No Two Men Over 60 Are the Same
Don’t expect the next man over 60 to be like the last one you dated. Just like you don’t want to be compared to anyone else your man has dated, neither does he. Even though I am trying to set expectations here, the only true generalization I can make is that every man is different!
This is a little hard for us to truly grok, but it’s great news. It means none of your past disappointments mean you will be disappointed in the same way again, especially if you learn from the red flags you may have stepped over and stay focused on looking for what you most want in a loving companion.
He Can Learn New Tricks
Here’s the best news of all! Just because he’s an old dog doesn’t mean he can’t learn new tricks! Your man grew up in the ’60s, so he knows a thing or two about ch-ch-changes. Just because he’s seasoned doesn’t mean he’s not up for learning something new.
If you are young at heart enough to be reading this blog, you’re going to attract a man who is also young at heart, and that means continuously reading, seeking new knowledge and experiences, and being willing to compromise and even change in honor of love!
Believe it! Or if you are having trouble believing it, see me after class ;)
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What expectations do you have of men when dating? How do you expect them to behave? What have you learned about men over 60 so far?
Tags Senior Dating Advice
I personally can’t be bothered. I’m 72, been very disappointed in love and would rather live on my own.
I totally get that point. I’ll be 70 in January and haven’t dated in years. It is very lonely living alone and I wish I had more family time but they’re very busy trying to stay positive though.
You are not alone Jane, for every client I have who wants to find and still believes in love, there is one who has given up after repeated disappointments. Let me know if you want to be encouraged otherwise the choice to be alone can be a really powerful one!
If things get serious I will ask to see his recent PSA and STD labs.
I will not take care of someone who doesn’t take care of himself. So if he doesn’t know or isn’t up to date that’s an issue.
I agree with this and that is a good way to put it. In a relationship you should want to take care of the one you love, but if they don’t (also) care for themselves that’s possibly co-dependence.
I’ve been on dating sites quite some time, and I’ve never found one man that I’m physically attracted to at my age. I have met many men in person to see if there is a chemistry, but so far nothing. And I don’t mean hormone-raging, dying to kiss you attraction. I just mean someone who is somehow appealing to me with whom I could see in the future being physically involved. I don’t need someone drop-dead handsome. It has more to do with the whole package than just looks anyway. All the men tell me they can’t believe i’m seventy-five, because I look so much younger and I know that’s true. I haven’t done anything to deserve that. I think I just got my mother’s genes since she never looked her age either. Maybe I would be attracted to them if I were able to get to know them apart from the dating sites. I hate the pressure of “dating.” I just wish I could meet someone who was a neighbor or in some mutual group of friends where there’s no pressure that we’re meeting each other to “date.” When you get to know someone without that framework, it’s so much more natural with no expectations. Sorry, just kind of rambling…. But I just have not found any attractive men my age where I live amd long-distance relationships are so hard to develop. You really need spontaneity, and you can’t have that when you live in separate states. Most of my friends say it’s because I live in Georgia. Not really sure what they’re getting at, but when I look at men on the dating sites from, say, Colorado or Florida, i sure do find more educated and attractive men there. I haven’t edited this and I probably sound very shallow. But I assure you i’m not, and that’s why I had continued to give men a chance in person whom I wasn’t the least bit attracted to by their photos. It has never worked. I’m not one of these women who says, “Oh, I could never date someone who was bald or short” –whatever. I just want to feel a little bit of attraction to someone to keep seeing them. And so far nothing. (I’ve been on the dating sites for decades.) One would think I should be feeling grateful that there are many men who are attracted to me… But when you can’t find someone you are attracted to, it’s just frustrating. I’m curious as to other people’s experiences with this… is there something wrong with me? Are there women who can be physically involved with men they’re not attracted to? If there is a secret, please let me know what it is.
I have found same thing. Hard to find man attracted to. Hard to imagine intimacy with man who not attracted to.
I had the same issue when my partner of four years died and I was ready to get back into the dating world – about 14 years ago. I was meeting all kinds of “strange” men on the dating sites and most of the time I wasn’t attracted enough to them in order for me to imagine being intimate with them. The first time I met my present husband I wasn’t really attracted to him at that time. He wasn’t what “fit” my description of attractiveness, however, we got along well at the meeting. I thought to myself “OK, let’s see after a few more dates if something is there.” I was open to finding out if it would grow. And it did. So, sometimes you have to overlook certain physical characteristics to see if perhaps it might turn into something.
Whoa randi! i just responded to the original post and then read yours and you backed up my point precisely. thanks for sharing your experience. I am so happy to hear you found someone.
attraction is very important but remember that many women who find love later in life say they become attracted over time (and sometimes unexpectedly) to people they did not at first feel were “their type” so it’s important to keep an open mind, while only allowing 3 dates to see what “grows” Want to read my blog about attraction that grows: https://lauriegerber.com/blog/second-chance-at-attraction-dating?rq=second%20chance
You don’t sound shallow at all. You sound like you are struggling like many women to really believe a suitable companion for you exists that could also be geographically desirable. You are not alone. Have you watched my free webinar, it is designed to a) help you further clarify what it is you want..and tune you to that frequency and b) give you hope. Let me know if you watch it lauriegerber.com/webinar
I find very few men who are interesting to me, and yes he has to be at least passable looking. Most of the men who I was interested in, we’d have a fantastic phone call or 2, he couldn’t wait to meet me – then crickets. I got ghosted, over and over. And quite a few men are polyamorous, at least they’re honest about it these days. Also a common problem is men who are unable to carry on a conversation.
I totally get what you are saying…have experienced all of what you have written. It gets to the point of being very disheartening of wanting and willing to have companionship and cannot find it, and I refuse to lower my standards to just “have someone around”. I am maybe thinking of getting a senior group together in my rural area old school turned community center for folks over 60 who want to meet new friends and have activities and trips places that are not super expensive. Just a way to meet new friends and possibly a new companion if there was an interest there. I think possibly it may also be a little safer being in a group setting than online. Maybe this could be an idea for you to start in your area where you reside. I’m certain there are others that feel exactly the same as we do. :)
So very glad I gave dating a chance after my 2nd husband of only 4 1/2 months passed away suddenly in Feb 2020. I was 63. 5 1/2 years later, I’ve been remarried for 3 years (we’re 68 and 71, both retired, built a new home and a new life together.
Sorry to hear about losing your husband after so short a time! I’m very glad you found love again!
Thanks for sharing your story, Lee Ann. I love a happy ending, and it’s so important to share that these are still possible even after disappointment and terrible loss. You’re incredible.
Set in their ways is correct. But most of us are. We are used to doing things in a certain way. People are creatures of habit.
To be fair, I think we’re all set in our ways after a certain age.
and some of us before a certain age ;)
I agree. I am amazed at how hard-wired some of my bad traits seem to be but the good news is that most of us have so much wonderful about us that it cancels out the difficult things about us. I think it’s the awareness and willingnes to be accountable that makes the difference to having successful love relationships.