What to Expect Dating a Man Over 60
If you’re a woman 60 or older looking for a man about your age, there are some expectations I want you to set. These are not meant to scare you.
First off, they might help you feel less crazy, because if you’ve been dating, surely you’ve noticed them!
Secondly, as a dating coach for the last 20 years, I feel confident in saying an eyes-wide-open approach is best.
It’s better to understand what you’re getting yourself into. That way, rather than being surprised or disillusioned, you can focus on navigating early dating.
Let me know in the comments if you’ve noticed these things about men over 60 and if there are any I forgot.
He’s Set in His Ways
By our age, we’ve been around the block enough to think we’ve learned a thing or two. We think we know ourselves, how to communicate, and what’s important in life. Men are no different. It’s not a sign of arrogance for a man to think he knows what’s right and wants to stick to his current preferences and opinions.
Try to think of it as wisdom and confidence. That said, someone who is unwilling to hear your ways of doing things and your ways of thinking is not the man for you. There is a definite balance to be struck.
There Will Be Baggage
Along with habits and behaviors that are well-calcified, there may also be past traumas. By the time we get to be over 60, we’ve weathered health issues, empty nesting, troubled relationships, harmful habits, death of loved ones, career surprises and setbacks, and so much more.
Like you, a man over 60 has a history, and it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. In a healthy relationship, two people have learned from their pasts and come together in the spirit of putting that learning into practice to make something better.
He Wants to Be Appreciated and Accepted
Men of any age really value being seen through the eyes of love and acceptance, but older men even more so. They have worked hard to be the men that they are, and sometimes overcome many great hurdles.
They know they are not perfect, but they want to be given the benefit of the doubt that they’ve tried hard, thought things through, and earned the position they’ve achieved in life. Men really like to be appreciated for their hard work, courage, and loyalty, and it makes them want to keep on providing those things until they literally physically can’t anymore. How heroic!
He Hasn’t Given Up on Love
They may be older, but they have not given up on companionship and love, or, in most cases, sex. It would be impossible to guess by looking at an older man how interested he may be in finding a partner or having an active sex life again.
Since you can never be sure, dating sites are a great place to find older, single men who are ready to find love and/or romance again. Older men tend to have fewer friendships than older women, so they are likely even lonelier than we are.
Health Can Be an Issue
It would be foolish to expect anyone over the age of 60 to have no health concerns at all. Your care and understanding will go a long way. If you end up together, you’ll both be caring for each other as you age, so don’t rule out the notion that you both come with some “liabilities” in that department to begin with.
Health issues include those in the bedroom. ED is especially prevalent among men over 60, and there is a lot you can do to understand the issues and help your partner move through them.
No Two Men Over 60 Are the Same
Don’t expect the next man over 60 to be like the last one you dated. Just like you don’t want to be compared to anyone else your man has dated, neither does he. Even though I am trying to set expectations here, the only true generalization I can make is that every man is different!
This is a little hard for us to truly grok, but it’s great news. It means none of your past disappointments mean you will be disappointed in the same way again, especially if you learn from the red flags you may have stepped over and stay focused on looking for what you most want in a loving companion.
He Can Learn New Tricks
Here’s the best news of all! Just because he’s an old dog doesn’t mean he can’t learn new tricks! Your man grew up in the ’60s, so he knows a thing or two about ch-ch-changes. Just because he’s seasoned doesn’t mean he’s not up for learning something new.
If you are young at heart enough to be reading this blog, you’re going to attract a man who is also young at heart, and that means continuously reading, seeking new knowledge and experiences, and being willing to compromise and even change in honor of love!
Believe it! Or if you are having trouble believing it, see me after class ;)
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What expectations do you have of men when dating? How do you expect them to behave? What have you learned about men over 60 so far?
Tags Senior Dating Advice
I know its a tall order . . .I expect them to be honest, which is one reason I choose to meet them at social groups and social functions, such as hiking, walking, photography, etc groups. This way we actually have one thing in common already. I get to see what they look like, how they treat other people in the group, how they talk to other people in the group, their patience level in dealing with other people, how they react when the event doesn’t start on time and at times, even dining out after a function or hike. This gives the opportunity to actually talk with them. It’s a group setting so I feel safer as well. I am an honest person and really have difficulty with people who lie, cheat and are rude.
Those are good things to gauge somebody by. So how do you find these social groups? I never was able to find anybody that way when I was looking. It was always by online dating.
local community events, meet up groups, facebook groups, fitness and cultural events. local events in your area that you can find online. I wrote a long blog about it here: https://lauriegerber.com/blog/best-way-meet-men-irl-dating?rq=meet%20in%20real%20life
OK, I never thought to go there back then. And if anything should happen in the future to my present husband, I’m done with dating.
ok then, may he live long!
That’s a really good plug for meeting people in real life. I’ve found that most people lie in some way or another, even if it’s just omission or people pleasing, the trick is to create a culture where honesty feels safe, valued, and productive. Sounds like YOU being honest is the first step and will help you find someone who desires honesty too. I promise they exist!
Social groups I go to are mostly women, the few men present re with their wives. Very few men are available for a 70-something woman. And many single older men seek a 40 or 50 year old girlfriend – and often they find them, even if they’re not rich or handsome.
Around 8 years ago I finally met a man the ‘normal’ way (if there is such a thing!), & was tired of the tiresome online dating meeting bit. I’d sort of given up as any man my age (I was 62 back then), as most men my age or a bit older were either a heavy drinker or someone fresh out of his past relationship & I found told me “fibs” that i later found out about. I found it was hard to get to know each other as they were hungry for sex too quickly. I like to go a bit slower as there’s far more to a relationship than sex.Of course they have past hurts & sorrows as I also did.
So I stepped out, got brave and went to a mixed singles dinner (not my scene at all),& was pleasantly surprised that I enjoyed the mixed conversation without any pressure to get hooked up with anybody.
I was a new woman on the scene and it was the first time for another man on the same night also, so we just both sat together like kids.
We had no idea of each other’s ages & became friends & got to know each other slowly. I then was surprised to learn I was over 8 years older than him. At the beginning that turned me off a little, but now i accept it. He wasn’t even a bit concerned about the age difference as we got on well.
Eight years later we are still together, now living under the same roof. No it hasn’t been all romance n roses, but we’ve grown together & have learned that real love means making a choice to love each other knowing we were (& still are) emotionally bruised imperfect people. I guess it was either me meeting an older man
or a man meeting me who was older & I’m glad it happened like that.
When we are searching for a friendship, a mate or whatever, we must remember than none of us are perfect. There are still some good men out there that might not be our perfect match. They may have lost their hair, have a different coloured skin, be a bit chubby or might have Aspbergers traits like mine does (he’s very intelligent & very high on the spectrum)..He’s a good man, treats me well, doesnt try to control me etc.
Sometimes when we just relax and take the time to get to know these men, we may just hit on something very special!
Thanks for sharing your story Tessa, I love that we can come to this blog to hear messages of hope about love over 60! And I love your point about being open-minded as to your exact criteria b/c I do find the same thing with my clients–that they are often surprised by what they can fall for and what ultimately makes them happy.
I realize that many women want to start dating again after the death of a spouse or after they retire, but it’s not for me. When my husband is gone, I’ll be perfectly content alone. God bless those who choose to start dating again.
i love your simple clarity and your unequivocal support of those who choose differently. Thanks for weighing in.
Yeah, when I was dating before I met my present husband, so this would be over 13 years ago, I used to laugh at the guys online who would put in their profile “No Baggage”! As if someone our age would not have any kind of baggage. LOL.
So true. I advise men and women to leave negativity out of their profiles. Very happy to hear you found someone great. Thanks for weighing in!
I’m 66 and actively dating. I’m meeting lots of younger men and sex is important for me. I met a man my age who is very sexual. We’ve been talking on the phone and we match intellectually and emotionally. But I don’t know how it will be physically. But it’s a good sign.
If I were you, I’d take him to a urologist and have his “ding-a-ling” dipped. By doing so, the urologist, the man and possibly YOU, can see if he has warts. It’s warts that can cause cervical cancer. Protect yourself before it’s too late!
You don’t mention financially. This is important. What if he’s broke and in debt? Are you going to shell out for him?
very important question when we’re over 60!
I teach 3Hs for compatability–head, heart and hoo-ha (and I’d put compatible finances under “head”-so you and I are o the same page. I hope it works out! Have you watched my free webinar about the 3Hs? lauriegerber.com/webinar