We’ve all been there. You pour a glass of wine after a long day, and all you want to do is some mindless scrolling on Facebook to give yourself a mental break.
But the exact opposite happens. The first thing on your newsreel is a picture of flowers that your high school acquaintance Janine is bragging about. The flowers are beautiful, and she’s put the caption, “35 years strong, married to my best friend.”
And just like that, your quick distraction has made you feel lonely because you are divorced at 50 and single. It makes you feel angry. Jealous. And now you’re frustrated because you’re wondering why everybody has somebody but you.
When you start feeling lonely and left out, especially after a divorce, there are three simple things you can do to get your mindset back on track that will pull you out of that Facebook divorce loneliness pit.
It’s as simple as that. If there is a woman who constantly posts things like “the ‘I love my husband’ challenge” or #myhusbandismylife or #luckiestwifeintheworld – simply mute or unfollow her.
No, you don’t have to block her if you don’t want to. But if her stuff is constantly popping up on your newsreel, and you’d rather see your cousin Randy’s newest conspiracy post, then you *know* it’s time to unfollow her.
Sometimes it’s impossible to mute because it’s like you’re addicted to seeing those posts. When you’re lonely and bored, it can be hard to unfollow someone. Because those feelings at least make you feel alive. Especially with Covid still going on, and we’re stuck at home.
So, if you choose not to unfollow, become an anthropologist instead. When you’re feeling triggered and jealous, start asking yourself the following questions:
What is the other 90% of the story that this #blessed Facebook post *isn’t* telling me? Is it because the poster is lonely too? Is it because she’s afraid of divorce after 50? Is it because she’s tired of her own cousin’s conspiracy theory posts?
When you remove your own feelings from a Facebook post that makes you feel lonely after divorce, you’ll start to realize that:
#1 It’s not about you and your divorce and that Janine isn’t trying to rub it in anybody’s face.
#2 Everybody is just trying to do the best they can.
#3 The people who seem to brag are probably feeling as lonely as you, even if they’re not divorced, but they’re just expressing it differently.
If you can’t stop reading those posts, at least set a timer on your phone. Once the buzzer rings after 15 minutes, your time is up. No more hate-scrolling. No more judging yourself because nobody sent you flowers. No more feeling sorry for yourself because you’re currently single, and no more resentment of others.
And once the time is up, don’t ignore it and over-ride the warning. Put your phone down and go do something joyful or productive. Like finding a new recipe to try. Or starting to plan your first trip after Covid. Or literally any other thing that isn’t going to make you feel bad.
While navigating Facebook can feel like a minefield when you’re divorced and feeling lonely, these proactive steps can help lift some of that burden off you so you can focus on putting yourself first.
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Do you feel lonely when you scroll through Facebook? Which posts make you feel lonely? And which ones make you feel energized? Please share thoughts with the community.
Tags Divorce After 60