Falling in Love in Later Life: Is It About Passion or Companionship?
There is something quite special about falling in love when you are a little older, maybe because we didn’t see it coming! Some of my friends use internet dating to find ‘the one’, but I am not so sure I would ever try it. I find it a little black-and-white and somewhat contrived. As a writer, I love observing people’s subtle nuances, and how they interact with others. However, I have heard of success stories, so perhaps don’t knock it till you try it :).
Body Language
I much prefer to physically be with someone. I like seeing their mannerisms, the way they move their body, the look in their eyes, how they react to situations. Hearing the pitch and tone of their voice, as well as the words they use is important to me. Even in this day of feminism, I love a man to open doors for me and make me feel I am the only one in the room. Is that outdated?
The Bit in the Middle
For me the best bit is the bit in the middle. When you first find yourself thinking about someone, without really knowing why. You are not too sure of your feelings… or theirs. It could all be over in an instant, but they may become the love of your life! You want to hurry up and find out, but, in a way, you love the long, drawn-out, will-it-won’t-it. I love the butterflies that fly around in my tummy when I see the person in question, and the daydreaming that seems to take over my life!
Would You Want to Fall in Love Again?
For me, I am not sure if I even want to fall in love again, although I am not sure if we have that option. Yes, it is a wonderful feeling, something like no other, but even after a 35-year relationship, I can’t help feeling a bit of a failure that it ended, or worry I would take forward my trust issues into any other relationship.
I have also built a wonderful life for myself where I am free to be me, and I have to say, I really like it. I do pretty much what I want, when I want. It doesn’t matter if dinner is at 6.00pm, or midnight. No-one cares if I am up all night, lay in bed all morning or write an article at 3.00 am. I guess it would have to be a very special person for me to fall in love with, but an even more special one to fall in love with me!
Companionship or Passion?
Some people are looking for companionship and would be happy to find someone to spend time with and share life together. And I truly get this. One of the things I have missed while travelling is having someone with whom to share special moments.
But for me it would have to be true passion, someone to laugh and cry with. Someone to hold my hand and make me feel safe and special. A person I looked forward to seeing as soon as I opened my eyes each morning, after spending the night snuggled up together. I love that feeling of intimacy between two people, that is yours and yours alone.
Looking for Love?
So, I won’t be internet dating or walking down the food aisles anytime soon. I am loving my life just the way it is. But ‘sliding doors’ moments can happen at any time in our lives, and we never know when love might be hiding behind one of them.
I guess, in a way, that is the exciting bit!
Please Join the Conversation:
Would you like to fall in love again? Have you? What’s more important to you: companionship or passion?
Tags Senior Dating Advice
I was first married for 30 years until divorcing. I was single for a few years and then met my husband on a dating site. We fell for each other right away and were married just five months after we met online! We had a great life and 20 years together before he died recently. I am a person who truly misses having a lover and a companion. I am 77 years old and thought that my love life was over. I rejoined the same dating service that had let me to find my dear husband. I was sure that no one would be interested in an old widow like me. I was mistaken! I met a wonderful man who loves all the same things I love, including plays, concerts, travel, and dining out. We both feel that special spark that I certainly believed was gone forever. We text and email many times a day. We talk on the phone and have enjoyed two dates that lasted several hours because we didn’t want them to end. Right after Thanksgiving we have several events on our calendars including a musical, a folk concert, and a poetry/storytelling event. We are admitting that we are becoming smitten with one another. I am so glad that I didn’t give up looking for a lover and a companion due to my age. There are many men in our age group that are on dating sites and are looking for love. I say go for it, because it will enrich your life and put a smile on your face.
Hi Lin thank you for joining the conversation. I am sorry your husband died, but you realise that life can be short and you deserve to be happy. What a joy to read your comment, you seem like a lady who enjoys every second :) Lily x
Being widowed after 35yrs, I never expected to find anyone. We met in the grief group after both of us lost our spouses almost 10yrs ago. We were together jn thd group for a year, then part of a social out growth group. We have been together as partners for 6yrs now. I love his sparking blue eyes and smile as well as how he makes me laugh. Butterflies and companion both.
Hi Claudia, thank you for joining the conversation. Oh you do sound smitten! Lucky you. I love a man who makes me laugh :) Lily x
Interesting you have this article now. I am on the dating apps and it is challenging. Although I have been in long term relationships, Ive never married. I m 68 and have a full life but i m ready for more. I want to share these remaining years with a special man.
Hi Cathy, thank you for joining the conversation. I hear the food aisles in supermarkets are a great place to meet people too! You never know when, or where, you might meet your knight in shining armour :) Good Luck! Lily x
Interesting to feel those feelings about someone after ending a 41 year old marriage. Still too fresh but was surprised when attending a funeral, I reconnected with a family member who was widowed and then re-married. I thought he would be such a good catch for someone and when I had those feelings come on me, I was surprised! I did enjoy our conversation and we had many things in common. Anyways, I think having a male companion is good but not necessary. It’s an image thing I think that we need to be with another man especially in a group of married couples but hey, what’s wrong with bringing a good girlfriend instead?!
“It’s an image thing I think that we need to be with another man especially in a group of married couples but hey, what’s wrong with bringing a good girlfriend instead?!”
This really hit home because just last week, as a single person, I brought this up with a group of married couples I socialize with. They looked at me as if this had never occurred to them. Some day they, too, will know what it’s like to be in my shoes, and I will be there to accompany them to functions when they need a friend at their side.
Hi Joan, thank you for joining the conversation.I couldn’t agree more! Lily x
Hi Sara, thank you for joining the conversation. I hoped you enjoyed the butterflies! I think you are absolutely right about girlfriends, some of my best times have been when I am out with my friends. I met a friend for lunch the other day at 1.30, we were still in the restaurant at 6.30 :) Lily x
Trust me if you love your life being on your own you are extremely fortunate.There are many widows & widowers who are going through great sadness & some chronic loneliness
Hi Clive, thank you for joining the conversation. I completely understand and it has taken me a long time to get to this point. I count my blessings every day. Lily x