Are You Considering Giving Up on Online Dating?

Are you ready to throw in the towel? Feeling frustrated and discouraged?

Well, hold your horses because there’s a little something you might have missed. Studies have shown that most people give up on online dating after just two attempts.

But let me ask you this, did you quit golf after two lessons? Did you toss out your tennis racquet? I didn’t think so!

Now, I’ve been in the dating game for over 25 years, helping people navigate the treacherous waters of love. I’ll even do six coaching calls with you. But let me tell you, it’s not all rainbows and unicorns, my friend. Far from it!

Ready to Give Up Attitude

During my second coaching call, it usually goes a little something like this:

Me (all enthusiastic): So, how’s it going, Lara? (Lara, name changed, is a 63-year-old NYC Marketing executive client and just lovely.)

Lara (depressed): You know, Andrea, I hate this. I’ve looked at all the men, and they’re all awful. I think you’re great, but this just isn’t for me. The men who like me are atrocious. I’d rather be single forever.

Full stop. I listen. And let me tell you, it’s the same old story every time.

I work with some pretty smart people, but let’s face it, online dating is an art and a science. It works if you know what you’re doing. That’s why people like me exist! Sometimes, I think people expect magic. They think the first person they see online will be “the one.” Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but that’s not how it works.

That’s why I’ve become a pro at using algorithms and search engines on the top dating sites and apps. I immediately weed out 90-95% of the candidates, leaving only the ones my clients are actually looking for.

Why It Isn’t Working

So, here are the five mistakes I see people making. Brace yourself, because things are about to get interesting:

1. You sign up, take a quick look, and decide it’s not for you. Basically, you give up.
2. You listen to horror stories from your negative friends.
3. You choose the wrong dating app or site.
4. You have no clue what you’re doing, and it’s overwhelming.
5. You don’t have an expert helping you.

Things Can Improve with the Right Approach

Here we go with Lara on coaching call 3 (just one week later!):

Lara (cheerful – Thank God!): Andrea, I found 3 guys that I really like. One I spoke to, and we are meeting for a drink on Saturday afternoon. Ok, this guy Matt is awesome, but I’m not sure what to say back to him. Can you help me write a message?

Me (relieved and happy): Of course. Let’s go with this message: “Hey, Matt – thanks for the like. I cracked up at your dad Swiftie shirt with your daughter at the Taylor Swift concert – so cute! I bet that was your idea, right? Lol. Ok, I’m definitely interested (am a big tennis player too) – how about a coffee on Saturday at Sweet Eats? Lara”

40 minutes later Matt responds while we are still on the call. His response? “Sounds great. Does 11 am work for you? My cell is xxxx.”

Lara is happy. So, now I’m happy too.

How often does this happen? I’d say twice a day.

Nope, there’s nothing magical to it, but I know how to work the system. And, if you’ve decided to give up on dating, chances are you don’t know how to work the system.

Don’t Give Up

Instead of giving up, why not ask yourself:

1. If you’ve tried online dating, were you 110% in? Or did you muster only a half-hearted effort?
2. Were you scared off by friends? Are they in great relationships with people they met online?
3. Do you think online dating is for losers? If so, try this thought, nearly 50% of adult women over 50 are single – and 25% of them are online dating or in a serious relationship they found online. I like those odds better than my friends’ attempts at fixing me up!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How has online dating gone for you? How many dates have you been on to date? Have you decided to give up altogether? What challenges are you ready to conquer to find love?