Growing Older Alone? Why Time On Your Own Is Time Well Spent
There’s no question that having a support system and a sense of community is important as we get older. Face-to-face friendships matter. Study after study report that friendships are vital to longevity, and to our physical and mental health.
But spending time alone is also essential to our well-being. We live in a tuned-in, turned-on world where we are connected to cellphones, computers and media that continually prod us to interact with others. Everyone seems to be just a text or a Facebook post away these days.
We are always going somewhere, doing something or chatting with other people about where we’re going or what we’ve done. We live in a world that doesn’t seem to value alone time and often discourages it.
When did enjoying a little ‘me’ time get such a bad name?
Being Alone Is Not the Same as Being Lonely
We keep reading about the ‘loneliness epidemic’ – too many people are spending too much time alone, and this was before Covid. This can be an issue, especially among older people who do not have a support system in place.
But spending time alone has nothing to do with being lonely. They are two very different states of mind. Loneliness can lead to discontent, anxiety or even sadness. Aloneness offers the freedom and contentment that comes from being happy with your own company.
Decades of research agree that too much solitude isn’t good for anyone. Loneliness carries health risks, including a greater likelihood of heart disease or depression. A lot, however, depends on the individual – including whether you are an introvert or an extrovert.
Being alone is a good, necessary and healthy thing. It provides time to reflect, create, appreciate and process the world around us. Even the most social of butterflies need to have regular solo time to clear their minds of distractions.
Alone Time Is Good for You
Spending time on your own offers many benefits. For instance, you become more creative. Research shows that people who work alone tend to produce more ideas. You’ll also feel energized. Spending time alone provides an opportunity to recharge your batteries.
You’re likely to meet more people. We are often more outgoing when we are not cocooned by family and friends. Try a favorite activity on your own sometime. You’ll enjoy it from a different perspective.
Going to the movies alone is a good example. You don’t have to interact with others or wonder what they are thinking. You can focus your complete attention on the story and the experience.
Studies have found that we have just as good of a time engaging in fun activities alone as we do when we’re with other people. We get to do what we want to do. No compromising needed! Spending time alone frees us to do what we want, when we want.
Quit Worrying About What Others Think
So why are we so afraid of showing up solo or being seen spending time on our own? The answer is: We don’t want others to think that we don’t have friends or activity partners.
We worry far too much about what other people think and not enough about what we need. Start making plans with yourself and stop caring about how your aloneness may be perceived. Being satisfied with our own company and confident enough to show it is what really matters.
Finding the Right Balance
Finding uninterrupted ‘me’ time can be a challenge in today’s constantly connected world. Here are some suggestions you can try:
Disconnect
Set aside some time each day to step away from your cell phone, social media and TV. Concentrate on what you think and how you feel, not the opinions of others.
Get Up Early
Wake up earlier than usual and use the extra time to think, create, meditate or do whatever makes you happy. Be selfish with this time.
Schedule Solitude
Block out time in your daily routine to enjoy by yourself, even if it is only to enjoy a cup of coffee or take a short walk. Personal time matters.
My book, Retiring Solo, explains how creating friendships, a strong sense of community and a support system can help ensure a happy, healthy, independent future, regardless of whether we are single, married or partnered.
Getting to know ourselves and making time to appreciate and nurture our talents and passions is also essential. Time alone is time well spent. Invest in yourself and learn to be your own best company!
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Do you enjoy spending time on your own? What is your favorite solo activity? Do you worry about being seen alone at a movie or a restaurant? What advice would you offer to someone who is unsure about attending a social activity alone? Please share your thoughts and tips!
You make an important distinction between being lonely and being alone. It seems that too many confuse the two, Although they can coexist. That more creativity happens when you’re alone than in a group has also been my experience.
I have lived alone for 38 years since becoming widowed. I cannot imagine having to fit my life to someone else’s schedule of eating, sleeping, etc. I enjoy group activities on my own choice of time. I especially enjoy traveling alone with no concern for a companion’s choices. This really sounds selfish – but I also have the freedom to join with others as often as I wish.
Smart lady, and probably ahead of your time.
I agree with the author’s idea of “going to the movies alone”. i have been doing that for years, and I cannot even imagine having someone next to me anymore to watch a film. I spread out my snacks, recline the chair and can escape into my own world for an hour or two with no distractions. Try it sometimes, you may also like it! And i really don’t care what others think, it’s dark in the theatre, so no one sees me anyways.
I’m alone in my own apartment. I spend time crocheting, listening to my favorite music, doing puzzles, watching movies, going for walks with my dog. I’m very social in that I’m always talking to people when I am out. Yes, sometimes it gets lonely though. That’s usually when I pick up the phone and call someone. Sometimes one needs to search your thoughts, ponder on them and even pray about them. I have no problem doing things alone, like community happenings, concerts ect. And I really don’t care what others think anymore, I’m past that phase in life.
A good article except I have one complaint. It implies there are only two types of interactions –face to-face friendships, or shallow connections based on the phone or social media. Yet many people have close friends who live hundreds of miles away and they maintain these friendships by telephone or Zoom calls. It just makes no sense to lump those deep connections into the same category as social media interactions. If I was limited to the people I could regularly see face to face, I would have acquaintances but not close friends
I think you might have misinterpreted what this author is saying. She’s suggesting stepping away from face to face and electronic connections can be good alone time. I didn’t see electronic connections as being shallow, just another form of being with others. I like face to face, I enjoy many friends online, Facebook, Instagram, texts, emails and zoom. But I treasure my alone just me time as well.