When Grief Feels Silly: Mourning Someone You Never Knew
The news of Charlie Kirk’s tragic death hit me in an unexpected way. I was in shock and disbelief.
I didn’t know him. Not really. We never met, never shared a conversation, and yet I felt a wave of sadness I couldn’t quite explain.
It almost feels embarrassing to admit. I shared this feeling with a friend, who was feeling the exact same way.
It made me pause and reflect.
Why grieve someone who was never part of my life?
But the more I sat with it watching the world continue to live, the more I realized – this says something about the way we’re built as humans.
The Social Media Connection
Even without knowing Charlie Kirk personally, I knew of him. Through posts, interviews, and endless scrolling, his face and voice became familiar. Social media has this funny way of weaving strangers into the fabric of our daily lives. You watch, you listen, and before you know it, there’s a thread of connection.
It’s not friendship. It’s not family.
But it’s something.
Why It Lingers
Sometimes I wonder: am I grieving him, or am I grieving the story I saw on the news? Am I simply mirroring what I picked up from others?
Or is it more about the reminder that life is fragile – that one day someone is here, and the next they’re not?
Grief doesn’t always make sense. It doesn’t ask if you were close enough, or if you’re “allowed” to feel it.
It just shows up when something in us resonates with the loss.
Wired for Connection
Humans are wired to connect. From the very beginning, survival meant being part of a tribe. That instinct hasn’t left us. Even today, our brains light up when we see familiar faces, hear familiar voices, or follow someone’s story.
So, when someone we’ve “known” through a screen disappears, it’s no wonder it stirs something inside us.
Familiarity feels like connection, and connection makes loss sting, even if it’s only one-sided. And maybe it also hits harder because our lives today are more scattered.
Families don’t always live close. Neighborhoods aren’t as tight-knit as they used to be.
So, when a public figure dies, it feels like a shared moment – a rare time when strangers all feel the same thing together.
Sometimes, though, I think it’s not just about the person who passed.
It’s about what they represented – a certain season of life, a perspective, or just the reminder that none of us are here forever.
Their absence pushes us to look at our own lives a little closer.
The Quiet Lesson
In the end, maybe the sadness isn’t silly at all.
Maybe it’s just proof that connection – any kind, big or small, near or far – matters. It’s a reminder that we’re part of a bigger human story, always overlapping with others.
And instead of brushing the feeling away, maybe I can let it nudge me to do the obvious but easy-to-forget thing: reach out to the people I do know and love.
Because connection is what keeps us steady, and it shouldn’t take a tragedy to remind us how much we need it.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Have you grieved the death of a person you never met or knew personally? Have you reflected on why that happens? Please share your thoughts and let’s have a conversation.
Political violence is never acceptable. But let’s face the truth about Charlie Kirk: He promoted a fascist ideology. However, he was only 31. He could have grown out of such a hateful ideology like many people do as they mature and have more experiences in life. Sadly, he won’t get that chance.
Thank you for commenting, Rachel. Political or otherwise, violence should not be tolerated.
At any rate, this article was about grief and connection, even if tied to this tragedy.
Also, if people with different belifs go shooting each other, I don’t think there will be a single person left on this earth.
Discussion is always the better path, and I firmly believe we are all capable of speaking respectfully with each other.
I doubt you have listened to any of his videos, Rachel. Many people who have begun to do so with your opinion, have changed their minds after listening to what he had to say with an open mind. Think for yourself, based on facts, rather than accepting what others say. It’s laughable to call Charlie Kirk a fascist totalitarian.
He was kind, cheerful, informed, and unafraid. He never advocated violence against anyone. He believed in this country and was strong in his faith. A fascist suppresses all opposition, while Charlie Kirk was willing to talk to everyone. I too grieve his death and am horrified at his assassination.
He was not a politician but no matter, the author is expressing her grief. Whether you also mourn is irrelevant. I’m just wondering if you’d have the same reaction if, g-d forbid, any figure you happen to sympathize with was murdered under the same circumstances.
Yes, I’d like to express my grief for the hundreds of children murdered in school shootings because activists in Charlie Kirk’s party, and Kirk himself, refused any attempt at stricter gun laws. Also for the victims of slavery who have been told by Charlie Kirk’s party to just get over themselves, despite a legacy of racism that endures today. Not to mention rape victims who Charlie Kirk said publicly should be forced to carry to term and give birth. But yes, I do agree that any murder is horrible and that with better gun laws we might be able to prevent some of it.
It’s not guns that kill people, it’s wicked people. — What Charlie said to a black student attending a university was to stop being a victim of the idea that slavery is keeping black people back. That idea keeps them back. Many black people are not victims and have, and are, contributing to society and doing well. The student was an example of that. — Abortion is a horrible act, but can be the lesser of two evils. There needs to be a limit on how far along it should be performed. To abort a baby in the last half of a pregnancy is revolting, apart from medical reasons. To use abortion regularly as a contraceptive is not a good idea. Charlie believed that consciousness begins at conception, and that abortion was murder of a human life. He is entitled to his beliefs, as we all are. — It is pure evil to kill someone because they believe an ideology that says that it is all right to do so, and in fact, encourages it.
I am surprised to see this post here because the deceased was a political figure… And I didn’t see this forum as political. I do not mourn his death, but like the other poster, I do mourn the death of the America I used to know. And the young men who are getting involved in these political ideologies (before they’re grown up enough to make decision decisions on their own) and shootings as well.
And I am quite surprised this article would be considered political by anyone. That is exactly what is wrong with this world…put everyone into a neat and tidy labeled box that suits your narrow view. This was a human being that was shot in cold blood. I shed tears when I heard the news…I did not know the man nor did I know his work….the simple basic fact that someone would do such a thing simply because he disagreed with someone’s opinion. It absolutely disgusts me. Beam me up Scottie…I want to find another planet to live on.
And I’m surprised at your naivete to think it isn’t political. Did you feel anything for all of the other violent, politically-related killings in the past few years, regardless of who they were? For their widows/widowers, children, family? If you did I missed your post on those incidents. I’d like to see America’s political leadership-all the way from the top down- call a time out vs. pointing fingers and scoring political points with their followers. Exploiting anyone’s pain for their personal advantage. Wonder if that will happen….
Dear MCM, thank you for commenting. Actually, the article was on grief and connection. If it was any other name, would you react the same way? Let’s not politicize every topic, please. It’s difficult enough as it is.
I completely agree with you!
we need more kindness and understanding in the world .
xx
Agree 100%
Thank you for saying what I was also feeling.
Although this article contains some interesting insights, it’s a shame the author chose to write it about such a controversial individual.
I agree. Charlie Kirk’s death is too sensitive a topic right now, and I’m disappointed that the forum, which has – up until this point- avoided political themes allowed it.
Thank you for commenting, Krisye. I’m sorry you see it that way. It was an article about grief and connection. Let’s not politicize every topic and show kindness to those in need.
Agree 100%
I subscribe to 60+Me to get a break from politics. This is such a disappointment.
Unsubscribed
Thank you for commenting, Amy. It’s unfortunate you thought an article on grief and connection was political. It’s your choice whether to subscribe or not.
Unsubscribbing, me too, and several others. The editorial lack-of-response/awareness here is very disappointing.
I am sorry that you feel that way. A fellow human has suffered a tragic, gruesome end to his young life. Isn’t that enough to mourn? America is fine and will be even better in the future. This article is nowhere near a “political” post. God bless you.
he was also a good man, who was not condemning those who were against him – that is the difference. He was a good husband and father – mourn for the babies 1 and 3. i to mourn for this country – it’s a disgrace the way it’s goin and it’s one side who is the culprit. no one has to disagree with me but it’s the hate on that side. This is all i will say!!!
Thank you for commenting, Cheryl. Disregarding whether the person in question was a political figure or not, the article was about grief and connection. Let’s not politicize every topic, otherwise we will become very limited in sharing any story.
I really reacted to Princess Diana’s death. I couldn’t understand why. I hadn’t known her. But you’re right, we’re wired for connection.
Great post at a time it’s so needed.
Wendy http://www.theInspiredEater.com
I feel grief over Charlie Kirk’s death too. I also did not know him and do not necessarily subscribe to his beliefs. I also feel grief for the 22-year-old young man who killed him. I grieve for the families of both men; I grieve for our society and for humankind. I wonder whether we will ever be able to sort out and overcome the complicated challenges that lead to such tragedies.
I grieve for the children shot on the same day who never used their voice to publicly disparage other human beings.
Let’s not raise any human being to be more worthy of grief.
it’s the guns.
And Kirk was radically pro-gun!
It’s not guns that kill people, it’s wicked, evil people!