Navigating the Patriarchy: Why You Don’t Need a Seat at Their Table (Create Your Own)
For generations, women have been told to fight for a seat at the table – whether it’s in boardrooms, politics, or community leadership. And while progress has been made, many tables are still governed by the unwritten rules of patriarchy, designed to exclude or minimize women’s voices.
Here’s a radical idea: What if you stopped waiting for a seat at their table and built your own instead? By creating your own opportunities and spaces, you can thrive on your own terms, unshackled by outdated systems.
Let’s explore how to navigate patriarchal structures, redefine success, and claim your power by building something better.
Why the Patriarchy’s Table Isn’t Always Worth It
1. The Rules Were Made Without You in Mind
Patriarchal systems often operate with biases and barriers that exclude women, especially those who don’t fit the mold of what a leader “should” look or act like. Fighting for inclusion at these tables can feel like trying to play a rigged game.
2. Tokenism Doesn’t Equal Power
Even when women do get a seat, they’re often treated as tokens rather than equals. This can lead to feelings of isolation or pressure to conform rather than bringing your authentic self to the table.
3. It’s Exhausting to Fit In
Constantly battling for recognition in a space that wasn’t built for you is draining. Instead of channeling your energy into conforming, imagine what you could achieve by creating your own space.
Building Your Own Table
1. Define Your Vision
Before building your own table, get clear on what it looks like. Ask yourself:
- What values do I want this space to reflect?
- Who do I want to include?
- What kind of impact do I want to make?
For example, maybe your table is a community group, a new business, or a creative project that uplifts others while staying true to your values.
2. Start Where You Are
You don’t need permission or perfect conditions to begin. Start small:
- Host a meeting or event focused on an issue you’re passionate about.
- Launch a blog, podcast, or social media platform to amplify your voice.
- Collaborate with like-minded individuals to create something new.
3. Invite the Right People
Your table doesn’t have to include everyone – focus on those who align with your vision and values. Diversity of thought, experience, and perspective will strengthen your table, so seek collaborators who bring unique skills and insights.
Navigating Existing Tables While Building Your Own
Sometimes, you still need to engage with patriarchal systems while creating your own path. Here’s how to balance both:
1. Choose Your Battles
Not every fight is worth your energy. Focus on challenges that align with your goals and let go of the rest. It’s okay to walk away from spaces that don’t value you.
2. Use Their Resources to Build Your Vision
If you’re part of an existing table, leverage the resources, connections, and skills you gain there to fuel your own projects. Think of it as collecting tools for your toolkit.
3. Advocate for Change When Possible
While you’re at their table, push for meaningful changes that benefit others. Your voice can pave the way for the next generation, even if you eventually step away.
Examples of Women Who Built Their Own Tables
1. Oprah Winfrey
When Oprah faced challenges in traditional media, she didn’t wait for validation. She created her own network, OWN, and became one of the most influential women in the world.
2. Sara Blakely
Founder of Spanx, Sara built a billion-dollar empire by challenging norms in the fashion industry and creating products women actually needed.
3. Your Local Heroes
Look around your community. Chances are, there are women who’ve started nonprofits, small businesses, or advocacy groups to address unmet needs. These women are proof that creating your own table is possible.
The Benefits of Building Your Own Table
1. Authenticity
When you build your own space, you can show up as your true self without worrying about fitting into someone else’s mold.
2. Freedom
You set the rules and define success on your terms. There’s no need to compromise your values to fit in.
3. Empowerment
Creating your own opportunities inspires others to do the same. Your courage to break away from the norm can have a ripple effect.
Conclusion: Take the Power Back
You don’t have to wait for permission to lead. By building your own table, you take control of your narrative and create a space where you and others can thrive. Whether you’re starting a business, organizing a community, or simply carving out a life that reflects your values, remember: The power is in your hands.
So, what kind of table will you build? The possibilities are endless, and the world is ready for what you have to offer.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What space have you built for yourself? How have you made it uniquely yours? What rules have you created?
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Fantastic article, thank you. In healthcare administration, the sexism runs deep. I love the idea of taking one’s power back.
I don’t know if it’s the same everywhere else but I have noticed lately that in dealing with various banks and related services, women who work there are constantly having to phone other departments (men?) with their questions or for authorizations in filling out agreements. It is just so annoying to ask permission for everything. Maybe a group of women should start their own bank and/or investment companies. I wonder how many roadblocks there would be to accomplish this.
When I was married, my then husband and I went to a bank to open an account. They automatically put him down as the primary account holder. I asked the guy why. He said that’s what he always does. I walked out.
I’ve owned my own business for many years and it’s been a wild ride. It was so funny to watch the world react when I was with my husband and they found out that I was the one that owned the business.
My husband and I owned a retail sign business together but I held the majority share. Sometimes men would come in and ask where the “boss” was. I would always reply, you’re looking at her. That put them back on their heels and rocked their world. I loved it.
I often get asked who my partners are in my companies. I respond that I prefer to fly solo :) I’ve asked male business owners if they get asked this frequently. Almost never.
Fantastic!
Kudos!
sad
Did you mean this:
It’s been told to women that in order to be somebody, they have to chase after men; in any sense of the word. Go into men’s professions, go for men’s bank accounts; just do anything to fit into the world like a man.
But women aren’t supposed to be like men at all; women are supposed to be women, and I have the sense we have been duped to believe womanhood doesn’t matter; it has no value. It’s better to be a man. “A woman can do anything like a man, if not better.” That kind of thing.
We have forgotten and given up on womanhood to be like men because we now believe that’s the only way we will matter. And that’s sad indeed, because this world needs real women.
I agree. Sadly, we live in a society where, if it’s deemed “female,” it’s considered less than. Striving to be or have what men are/have does not bring us equality. It only further perpetuates the message that the male standard is “the gold standard.”
Very well said, Betsy.