When Overwhelm Hits, Switch to Underwhelm
I am a full-time caregiver for my husband with Parkinson’s. Some days and weeks are relatively easy. Other times it’s being up every couple of hours during the night and constantly on call during the day.
When the 24/7 periods hit, I become a different person. Tired, grumpy, listless, discouraged, etc. That is when my self-alert system says it’s time to switch gears.
Just like when driving and you need more power to get up a hill I shift down to a lower gear. I call it underwhelm. Instead of trying harder to keep up with everything, I deliberately expect less of myself for a while.
My Four Rules for Underwhelm
It consists of several parts.
One: Turn Off The “Guilt” Warning System
Off. Totally off. No matter that I made promises to myself or others to do things, if I can’t do them without a serious case of grumbling it’s time to take them off for a bit.
Two: Take Naps
Any time I can fit them in. Five or ten minutes works wonders.
Three: Read a Book
For me, cozies are the best. Low-key, little drama, fun characters and settings.
Years ago, I came across some research suggesting that even a few minutes of reading can help reduce stress. I liked the idea so much that I put it on bookmarks that I give away at book events.
Whether six minutes is the magic number or not, I don’t need much scientific encouragement to pick up a book. Reading is my favorite way to step away from everything for a little while.
I also have no problem picking books that I have already read for another go-round.
Some of my current favorites are the Miss Read series (very old-school, but quiet and enjoyable), M. C. Beaton, Jacqueline Winspear and Debbie Macomber. A brand new author I’m loving is Christy J. Kendall, who now lives here in Clark County, Washington, my home turf. Nice.
When it comes to cozies, I love a twitch from a witch or a snoop from a spook or something with a bit of supernatural that is not over the top.
And some middle grade reads are perfect for my return to childhood moments at 70.
Finally, there is step four which is not recommended, I imagine, but works for me.
Four: Something Sweet
A cookie or a piece of chocolate is never amiss. It worked for Mary Poppins so I’m not open to other arguments. When I am tired, grumpy and out of sorts, it helps. Maybe short-term but some fixes don’t need to be doctor approved. My opinion only, of course, so don’t sue me for this one.
More Underwhelm Practices
Journaling
I write for a few minutes most days. Nothing to be shared or turned into an inspiring memoir. Weather, doctor trips, ideas, visits and musings about anything that pops up.
Housework
I set my timer for 30 minutes and clean the kitchen, make the bed, touch a bit in the bathroom. Knowing that I have a set time helps me get it done. And housework in itself is sort of mindless and soothing, if not carried to extreme. Anything over 30 minutes for me is extreme.
Video Games (as Referred to Above)
Yep, totally addicted to the very simple, old- school ones. Jigsaw puzzles, spider and klondike solitaire, sudoku and word search. I turn off the audio because I don’t need that stimulation to enjoy the games. The ads sometimes annoy me a lot when they won’t turn off and just go into endless loops, but little annoyances are going to be found in everything. Sigh.
Computer Work
For me working on the computer is relaxing. I do a weekly radio program, so it is one of those things I am committed to, but it’s fun for the most part. Editing the audio, creating graphics for Pinterest, Instagram and sometimes Facebook is creative and enjoyable.
There’s Nothing Wrong with the Slow Lane
Underwhelm isn’t giving up. It’s adjusting my expectations to match the life I’m actually living today.
And I’m beginning to think there’s nothing wrong with the slow lane. When life gets steep, maybe the answer isn’t to press harder on the accelerator. Maybe it’s to shift down, take a few things off the list, have a nap, read a cozy mystery and eat the cookie.
The hill will still be there tomorrow.
Let’s Chat:
What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Are there special practices that work perfectly in those moments when stress is too much?
Tags Positivity
Your list if activities are amazing. It was so nice to already be doing most of these. More and more I’m making these practices a large part of my everyday life. They make things easier and more positive.
Thank you Patti. I am in the same position, but in Sydney, Australia! I’m 70 with a husband who had a stroke and now has Parkinson’s. As he goes up and down, so do I, and I am not as well and fit as I was 5 years ago! I found your suggestions very helpful, but most important, is the fact that I’m not alone in this! Keep going with your writing!
Hi Janet – yes you are so not alone. But finding the folks who can share it with you outside of the medical community . . . that I am still working on. I have joined one Parkinson’s group but it is not too much for caregivers. So I need to be more proactive in connecting somewhere with that because I think it will be helpful.
Is nice to share here though. :-)
Patti. Try TheJigsawpuzzles.com NO ADs, thousands of puzzle and shape and very relaxing.
ok. Giving it a try. So far it seems to work on my PC – but haven’t quite got it to load to my Kindle. There are lots of ads around the puzzle but if I hit “full screen” then there are no ads! Yay.
Absolutely wonderful advice. Thanks
Thanks Granny! Appreciate your compliment. We need to become our own little rooting section here!
Thanks for this. I’m will soon be 65, working full time and babysit my 2 1/2 grandson with my husband who is 68, retired and recently diagnosed with Parkinson’s. He is in early stages with tremors in his hands. I’m often overwhelmed, but at the same time I don’t want to retire. My me time is crocheting every night, reading and watching TV. I’m scared and worried of what is to come, but try not to dwell on it.
Hi Laura,
Oh my, you have both sides of caregiving at once, plus working full time? You need a medal!
The “worry about what is to come,” I think is the biggest hill to get over. It’s paralyzing even when we try not to think about it. For me, that comes and goes.
I just picked up a book called, “Oh Crap! It’s Parkinson’s” by Dr. Sara Whittingham who was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in 2022 that is encouraging. I have only read a few pages but like Michael Fox is encouraging. Some books on Parkinson’s are more scary than helpful! :-)
Started to reply and then my computer went into Advertising Freeze zone and all my wonderful words of wisdom disappeared.
Ok. . . the freeze part is true, not the words of wisdom . . . but who can prove they weren’t since they are gone?
At any rate i am so impressed that you are working full time, babysitting a 2 year old (yikes!) and helping your husband. You deserve a medal! No kidding.
The worry part is hard to get away from. Especially in the beginning – then it sort of levels out and it becomes doable. Though I will admit there are times when it doesn’t level out at all – mostly when I am tired.