Oh, My Goodness, I’m 83! The Pros and Cons of Aging

Sixty and Me, by definition, is written for people (mostly women) in their 60s. But a lot of us have been around for a lot of years and – I know you like to think it isn’t true – we do grow older.

I have been writing for Sixty and Me for roughly 10 years and, yes, I admit it, I was in my early 70s when I started.

And now I am 83.

What It Feels Like

I find being 83 a complete revelation – both that I ever got here (like many others, I thought old age only happened to other people) and what joy it brings me to be here.

I can’t speak for other people aged 83 any more than I could have spoken for other people aged 25 or 40 or 65. But I can say how it feels to be me right now.

I honestly don’t think I have ever been as much at peace with myself. Yes, I have had more moments of utter joy (my wedding day, the birth of my two children – not to mention my two grandchildren – finishing my PhD and probably a few others) in earlier years.

But overall, being in my 80s is a period of great emotional contentment – nay, happiness. And this is a lovely surprise.

The surprise works in two ways: I did not expect that I would have as many sources of pleasure as I do nor did I expect that there would be so little anxiety.

I wish someone had told me this years ago.

I Actually Like Being Old

Somewhere in my mid-70s, I realised I enjoyed being old – and proceeded to write a book about it, in which I explore in more detail the thoughts set down here. I have had no cause to revise this view as I head into my mid-80s. Indeed, if anything, it has become more firmly entrenched.

I must note that I have had the good luck all my life to experience very good health. Yes, I look after myself – I eat a very healthy diet, and I exercise – but I have also escaped any serious illness so far.

Without the good health, I might have a different view.

The great benefit of being old is that you feel at ease with yourself, comfortable in your own skin. You have had to face a lot of challenges of one sort or another over your many years – who could avoid them? – and come through.

In my case, I have raised two extremely different children (now, that in itself was a surprise that they could be so different) and seen them grow into confident mature adults.

I have taken on a lot of different work assignments over time and learned from them. I have reflected and travelled both abroad and within. I have ripened and matured, as someone said recently, like a fine wine.

Put another way, so many of the anxieties of my younger years no longer hold any sway. All those terrible unanswerable questions (in no particular order, as they pop up in no particular order):

Am I smart enough? Am I pretty enough? Am I a good enough mother? Is my career advancing enough? Am I a good enough wife? Do people like me?

They go on and on, as you doubtless know. They follow us into every nook and cranny of our lives.

It’s not sudden, but slowly, slowly as you age, they just fall away. By your 80s, you know who you are, you know your strengths and your weaknesses and whatever you were going to become in life, you have probably become.

Sit Back and Enjoy Your Life

It all brings – in one simple word – confidence. You can sit back and enjoy your day-to-day life like never before. And you have the knowledge that whatever life throws at you, you have the strength and resilience to cope. At least, I think I do.

And as if this were not enough, there are other positives of being 80. You not only have confidence in yourself, but many others think they could learn a thing or two from you.

Yes, of course, many think (as I did once) that old people are too old to know anything (an odd piece of logic), but some come to me for advice because of my experience and insights.

This passing on of what one has learned is enormously gratifying. Somehow, all those hurdles and travails had a purpose after all.

And finally, for some of us lucky ones, there are grandchildren. I have only two, but their importance was completely unexpected, as neither I nor my children had very active grandparents.

Yet just when you think you have finished with the joys of being around small children, there is a new baby to coo over, and then a child to play with and then a teenager to talk to about all sorts of important issues.

This relationship is very special – not only for the children involved but for the adults too. It is the latter viewpoint – that of the grandparents – in which I am particularly interested and have written a whole book about it.

Some Downsides to Aging

I can’t pretend that there isn’t also a downside to being my age. Of course, our bodies are falling apart (I call it ‘the wheels coming off’) and my memory is atrocious.

Lack of Energy

In many ways, the most irritating aspect of growing older is the lack of energy – my brain wants to get busy with something (an outing, some writing, even weeding the garden) but my body says, no, no, just go lie down. It is a definite dampener.

Loss of Loved Ones

And then there are the heavy issues to be faced. You lose friends, as they die. There is the ever-present possibility of a crippling disability of the body or brain of my husband or myself.

Death Itself

And the final, final worry – the Grim Reaper could show up for either of us at any time. These are not small issues, and they hang around in the background for any thoughtful person over 80.

You don’t think about these things every day. And you don’t feel death is about to happen very soon.

Lack of Certainty Beats All Other Worries

But the real issue is the lack of certainty. Something could happen at any moment. I could fall down tomorrow and be hospitalised for weeks or have a heart attack and die. Or my husband could.

The world would turn upside down on a dime.

That is the part that none of us wants to think about. Yet we must and we do. They remain a very present part of life at 80.

STOP PRESS. Two days after drafting this post, I went for an outing with my son and daughter (saw a wonderful exhibition, followed by lunch) and came home in a lovely mood to find said husband sprawled on the bathroom floor.

There was a head wound, a lot of blood everywhere, but he was conscious and not in terrible pain. I called an ambulance at once.

He spent one night in hospital for observation and has been resting since. No broken bones, but likely concussion. It transpired that he had gone for a walk, felt dizzy on returning home, fainted and hit a newel post on his way down.

I was told that head wounds produce a lot of blood. I said it looked like an axe murderer had come and gone.

No lasting damage but it does prove that I wasn’t just waffling when I said bad things can happen any time.

They just did.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Are you in your 80s? How do you feel about that? Have I missed some of the positive aspects of being old? Or some of the negative ones?