Rediscovering Joy After 60

Towards the end of my corporate career, I spent quite a lot of time dreaming about retirement.

When it finally arrived, I found myself drinking more… no longer just a glass or two of wine at the end of the working day but wine with lunch became the norm. Then a gin and tonic before dinner and of course more wine while cooking dinner.

After all, it didn’t really matter if I had a headache in the morning, I didn’t have to get up and go to work after all!

Instead of feeling liberated, I often felt tired, anxious and disappointed in myself. I’d spent years looking forward to this stage of life – yet I wasn’t quite sure how to fill my days. Surely, I should have been happier?

Eventually, I realised that if I wanted to find joy in my retirement, I was going to have to make some serious changes.

My first change was giving up alcohol. This habit change had a domino effect as I regained my energy and my enthusiasm for life.

I quit drinking back in 2015.

What happened next surprised me enormously. I didn’t just stop drinking. I discovered a completely different way of living.

The Happiness Trap

I think many of us grow up believing that happiness is something that happens to us.

• We’ll be happy when we retire.
• When the mortgage is paid off.
• When the children are settled.
• When we lose those extra pounds.
• When we finally have enough time to relax.

We spend decades chasing these milestones, assuming that happiness will be waiting patiently at the finish line.

But then we reach them and often discover that the feeling we expected simply isn’t there.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with looking forward to retirement or enjoying the rewards of a lifetime’s hard work.

But I’ve come to believe that happiness isn’t a destination.

Happiness Is a Skill We Can Learn

Something we can develop, practise and strengthen, just like learning a language or playing a musical instrument and the wonderful thing is that it’s never too late to begin.

Why We Sometimes Lose the Ability to Enjoy Simple Things

For many years, I associated pleasure with a glass of wine.

A beautiful sunset? Better with wine.

Dinner with friends? Definitely wine.

A stressful day? Wine would help me relax.

A celebration? Time to open a bottle.

Gradually, alcohol had become woven into almost every enjoyable occasion. I wasn’t necessarily drinking all day, but I had developed a powerful association between alcohol and pleasure.

When I stopped drinking, something interesting happened.

At first, ordinary life could feel a little flat.

I was so accustomed to using wine to mark the transition between work and relaxation, or between an ordinary evening and a special occasion, that I had to learn how to enjoy those moments without it.

There’s a biological reason why this can happen.

Alcohol affects the brain’s reward system, including dopamine, a chemical involved in motivation, learning and anticipation. With repeated drinking, our brains can become accustomed to alcohol as a powerful source of reward. When we remove it, everyday pleasures may temporarily seem less exciting.

But here’s the encouraging part.

The brain can adapt. Over time, ordinary activities can become rewarding again.

A walk beside the sea.

A delicious meal.

A conversation with a friend.

The satisfaction of finishing a project.

The simple pleasure of waking up after a good night’s sleep.

Things that once seemed unremarkable can begin to feel rather wonderful. I discovered that the pleasures I was rediscovering had something alcohol never really offered me.

They didn’t come with a hangover!

Curiosity: The Secret Ingredient of a Happy Retirement

One of the greatest gifts of getting older is the freedom to explore. Yet I think we sometimes underestimate how important curiosity is to our wellbeing. When we’re younger, life provides us with plenty of structure. We have careers to build, children to raise, responsibilities to manage.

Then retirement arrives, and suddenly we have to create our own structure. For some people, that’s exhilarating. For others, it can feel strangely unsettling.

I discovered that curiosity was a wonderful antidote.

Instead of asking myself, “What am I going to do with all this time?” I began asking, “What would I love to learn?”

That small change in perspective opened up all sorts of possibilities.

I became fascinated by the science of addiction and behaviour change. I started writing. I learned how to create a podcast. I built an online community.

More recently, at the age of 75, I’ve been exploring artificial intelligence and developing an AI sobriety companion.

None of those things featured in my original retirement plan! But they’ve given me an enormous sense of energy and excitement.

You don’t have to start a business or master new technology to experience the benefits of curiosity.

You might take up painting. Learn Italian. Join a walking group. Try a new recipe every week. Or simply visit somewhere in your own town that you’ve never explored.

The activity itself matters less than the willingness to remain interested in life.

Curiosity keeps us looking forward rather than constantly looking back.

That, I believe, is one of the secrets of ageing well.

Gratitude: Learning to Notice What’s Already Good

Gratitude is another skill I’ve learned to practise.

Now, I know the word can sound a little overused. We’re constantly being told to count our blessings and think positively. I’m not suggesting that we should pretend everything is wonderful when it isn’t. Life can be difficult. We experience illness, bereavement, disappointment and uncertainty. Getting older certainly doesn’t make us immune to any of those things.

Gratitude isn’t about denying the difficulties. It’s about remembering to notice the good things alongside them.

When I was drinking, my mornings often began with regret. I’d wake up remembering how much I’d consumed the previous evening. I’d feel disappointed in myself. Sometimes I’d make yet another promise to cut down.

These days, one of my greatest pleasures is simply waking up with a clear head and the energy to embrace the day. It sounds such a small thing, but after years of struggling with alcohol, it still feels like a gift.

I’ve also learned to appreciate other small things: A message from an old friend. A beautiful morning. A funny conversation. A good book. The satisfaction of helping someone else.

None of these things is particularly dramatic. But when we begin noticing them, something shifts. We realise that happiness isn’t always found in extraordinary experiences.

Very often, it’s hiding in the ordinary ones.

Connection: Why We Need Our People

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past decade, it’s that happiness is very difficult to sustain in isolation. We need connection. We need people who understand us.

People who make us laugh. People who encourage us when things are difficult. People with whom we can share our successes.

When I first stopped drinking, I felt surprisingly lonely. Alcohol had been such a big part of my social life that I wasn’t sure how I would fit in without it.

Would my friends still want to spend time with me? Would I enjoy parties? Would I become boring?

These worries are incredibly common.

But then I discovered an alcohol-free community. Everything changed. For the first time, I was surrounded by people who understood exactly what I was going through.

I didn’t have to explain why I wasn’t drinking. I didn’t have to defend my decision. I could simply be myself.

That experience eventually inspired me to create Tribe Sober, an online community supporting people who want to change their relationship with alcohol.

One of the most rewarding parts of running that community has been watching new and long-lasting friendships develop between people from all over the world.

Women from different countries, backgrounds and walks of life, united by a shared desire to live healthier, happier lives.

Of course, connection doesn’t have to revolve around sobriety.

It might come through volunteering, joining a choir, attending a book club or reconnecting with old friends.

What matters is finding somewhere you feel you belong.

We don’t just need people around us. We need people who make us feel seen.

Purpose: Having a Reason to Get Up in the Morning

There’s another ingredient of happiness that I think becomes especially important as we get older.

Purpose.

For much of our adult lives, our sense of purpose is closely connected to our work or family responsibilities. We know what we’re supposed to be doing. We have roles to fulfil. People depend on us.

Then retirement arrives, and some of those roles disappear.

Even when we’ve been looking forward to leaving work, we can find ourselves wondering, “What now?”

I certainly never expected to be working again at 75. But the work I do today feels completely different from my corporate career.

I’m doing something I genuinely care about. I’m helping people escape a habit that was making them unhappy. I’m learning new things. I’m meeting fascinating people – and I’m having fun!

Of course, purpose doesn’t have to involve paid work. It might mean mentoring someone younger. Helping at an animal shelter. Supporting a local charity. Being an involved grandparent. Creating a beautiful garden. Or simply deciding to become the healthiest, happiest version of yourself.

Purpose gives us a reason to engage with life and perhaps most importantly, it reminds us that we still have something valuable to contribute.

Five Small Ways to Practise Happiness

If you’d like to rediscover a little more joy in everyday life, here are five simple experiments you could try over the next week.

1. Notice One Ordinary Pleasure Every Day

Perhaps it’s your morning coffee, a favourite song or a beautiful view. Give yourself a moment to enjoy it properly rather than rushing on to the next thing.

2. Do Something New

It doesn’t have to be ambitious. Take a different walking route, visit a new café or try an unfamiliar activity. Novelty can help bring a sense of freshness to everyday life.

3. Reach Out to Someone

Send a message to a friend you haven’t spoken to recently. Arrange a coffee date. Join a group. Connection rarely happens by accident – sometimes we have to create the opportunity.

4. Write Down Three Things You’re Grateful For

They don’t have to be big things. In fact, the smaller and more specific they are, the better. The idea is to train yourself to notice what is already going well.

5. Find One Way to Be Useful

Offer to help someone. Share something you’ve learned. Volunteer your time. Contributing to other people’s wellbeing can be deeply satisfying.

None of these activities will transform your life overnight, but practised regularly, they can help you build a more positive relationship with everyday living.

That’s really what the skill of happiness is all about.

The Retirement I Never Imagined

Sometimes I think back to that woman who used to sit in her corporate office dreaming about retirement.

The woman who imagined that happiness would look like a peaceful garden, a good book and an endless supply of chilled white wine.

I wish I could tell her that the best part of her life was still ahead. That she’d eventually stop drinking. That she’d discover a whole community of wonderful people.

That she’d write a book. That she’d still be learning, creating and having adventures at 75. That she’d find a kind of happiness that didn’t depend on what was in her glass.

Because here’s what I’ve discovered.

The real joy of living alcohol-free isn’t simply that we no longer drink. It’s that we create space for so much more.

A lifestyle that will bring:

• More energy.
• More confidence.
• More connection.
• More curiosity.
• More purpose and more of those small, everyday moments that make life worth living.

Sobriety isn’t about what we give up. It’s about everything we get back.

Whatever age you are, it’s never too late to discover that for yourself.

Ready to Rediscover Your Own Joy?

If you’ve been wondering whether alcohol is taking more from your life than it’s giving you, my new book, The Tribe Sober 90-Day Reset is available on Amazon.

It’s a practical, compassionate guide to changing your relationship with alcohol and creating an alcohol-free lifestyle you can genuinely enjoy.

If you’d like some support to get started, we’re launching our next 21-Day Accelerate Challenge on 10 November.

It’s a supportive, structured programme designed to help you build momentum, develop healthier habits and connect with others who are making the same change.

For just $30, you’ll join the Tribe Sober community for 21 days, with the option to continue your membership afterwards.

Find out more via this link or email janet@tribesober.com.

Because the next chapter of your life could be the happiest one yet.

Let’s Have a Conversation

What brings you the most joy these days? How has your idea of happiness changed as you’ve grown older? And is there a habit you’ve left behind that has made room for something better? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.