5 Things I No Longer Do Now I Am Older
There are so many things we go through in life. While most of them teach us a great deal, there are things we do that are of no benefit, or perhaps even harmful, to us. As I have become older, and hopefully a little wiser, there are many things I have decided to remove from my life. The added bonus is that it leaves space for me to add in a few more that I love! :)
Dwelling on the Past or Thinking About the Future
When I was younger, I often worried about what had happened or what might happen. Now I live in the present. It is truly life changing! Obviously, I could never have changed past events; I just had to accept them, hopefully learn a little from them, and move on. As regards to the future? Who knows if there will be a future for us and how long it might last.
Now I focus on today. I start each day always grateful for what I have, and think about the things that I can add to my day to make it enjoyable. I try not to plan much as I love being able to just do whatever I feel in the moment. It sort of makes each day like a mini adventure. :)
Of course, there are always things which may not be pleasant… going to the dentist, sitting in traffic, cleaning the house, but I try to ‘put a spin’ on it and get something positive from it. For example, after a visit to the dentist I might buy myself a bunch of flowers or reward myself with a nice cup of tea in the garden when the house is clean. They are only little things, but sometimes it is the small things that bring us joy.
I Don’t Automatically Say Yes
I really enjoy doing things for others and making them happy. But within that I forgot to care about myself and think about my own needs and wants. Now I am able to say ‘no’ if I choose; something I would have found almost impossible a decade ago.
Before giving an automatic answer, I silently count to 10, allowing myself time to consider. Of course, if I am able to help, I will, but not to my own detriment. A simple, “Thank you for thinking of me, but I can’t at the moment” seems to work well. I try to be clear, concise and not waffle. Generally, if I am totally honest, people understand.
Hold on to Negativity
When I was younger, I would hold on to negative thoughts and beliefs, often from childhood. The teacher who said I was a dreamer and would get nowhere, the boyfriend who left me for someone prettier, the boss who said I didn’t deserve a raise. Of course they hurt at the time, but how ridiculous to be holding on to them decades later!
Letting go of negativity is so uplifting. Often the person who made you feel that way didn’t mean what you thought or has completely forgotten about it. But there you are, decades later, thinking you can’t have a dream, you’re not pretty enough and you are lazy. It’s time to chuck it out! :)
What is wonderful is that every time you get rid of something negative, you leave a little space to fill it with something positive. I am a dreamer… but it helps me write. I may not be the prettiest girl in the world… but I am very pretty on the inside. Who needs a boss? I work for myself and pay me what I deserve!
Buy Things I Don’t Really Need
As I have become older, I realized the value of doing, rather than having. Consequently, I rarely buy much, especially new. My little cottage is filled with things, loved by others, and now me. I bought them for a fraction of the price. I wear many of my clothes I bought years ago and try to have things that cross the seasons, preferring to layer up rather than change my summer wardrobe to a winter one.
Not buying things that may swiftly find their way to the back of the cupboard leaves money for doing things… I can buy a new sofa, or have a holiday, a new dress or a visit to the theatre. I care much more about having fun and making memories!
Also read, Spending Thoughts: Do You Prefer to Have, Or to Do?
Worry
For many years, I seemed to worry about everything. Whether people liked me, how I looked, what I should and shouldn’t do, etc. Now I just focus on being me. It is so liberating and a fabulous feeling. It is something I really wish I had known earlier and would have saved me a huge amount of time… and pain.
We are not on this beautiful earth for very long, so I have decided to spend the rest of my time being happy. I think that is the best present I have ever given myself. :)
Discussion Questions:
Are there things you no longer do now that you are older? What are they? Do you find it liberating? Do you worry less now?
Enjoyed this article.
Lots to think about.
Holding onto grievances is my worst character flaw.
“Letting go” is still a work in progress for me.
Hi Toni, thanks for contributing. I am so pleased you enjoyed it! Holding on to grievances took me a while to get to grips with until I bumped in to someone I went to school with. She immediately apologised to me for bullying me. I had completely forgotten about her, but she remembered it for over 30 years! Lily x
These are all very noble responses and what I and likely many others strive for, myself at age 70. That said….these are aspirations not a black and white static. No guilt if I cannot always and consistently react like this. Yes, these are the tenets by which I try to live up to every day and every hour. The reality is, however, that these are difficult to achieve consistently and perhaps others feel this way, as well. Women, by nature, are nurturing, compassionate and giving particularly after decades of service to others. We are all doing the best we can every day and black and white thinking on issues like this can lay still more guilt and stress on those “trying their best” and that should be “enough”. Life is not “what I don’t or do every day”. It’s primarily a lot of in between, case by case gray area and we should not be made to feel like we MUST always behave, think or live a certain way. Be far more gentle with each other and ourselves perhaps.
I think the author’s idea was to stress that you shouldn’t guilt yourself into always doing for others. If you’re in a situation at this point in your life and you don’t feel comfortable letting go, then, hopefully, the day will come when you do. I was a caregiver too for 11 years. 3 years ago my daughter died. Of course, I still think of her every day and miss her terribly. Slowly, I started living for my needs. It wasn’t easy at first. But once you realize the peace of enjoying a day of doing just fun things…or nothing, you will better understand this author’s intent.
i’m not sure how you have that insight to the author’s intent, but thanks for your perspective
Hi Beth thanks for joining the conversation. I love how this community supports and helps each other. Lily x
Hi Carolyn, thank you for joining the conversation.Firstly may I say how sorry I am to hear your daughter died. I lost my daughter a few years ago and whilst it was the worst thing that ever happened to me, I try to find something positive from it, because I know she would want me to. I am pleased you are finding a little joy and peace. Lily x
I agree. Many of the thought processes and behaviors listed in the article though desirable and achievable, must be learned through years of experience and practice. Truth is, our brains lean toward a negativity bias, an adaptation designed to keep us safe from repeating mistakes made in the past or dangers lurking in our future. The key is training the mind to choose to reside in the present or a place of mindfulness. Without doubt the best place to be.
Hi Kathy, thank you for joining in. I totally agree we need years of practice. In my sixties I have a lifetime of experiences which, hopefully, enable me to add or deduct things from my life to make it a little happier. Lily x
Hi Patricia, Thank you for contributing. I completely agree with you when you say we are all doing our best, and the very last thing I would want anyone to do is be stressed. What I was trying to say is that I try to make things a little easier, now I am older.Lily x
I really relate to this article. Like the author, I was a psychotherapist and enjoyed helping others, but had a difficult time breaking my own negative thought patterns. Now I’m in my late 70s,living more in the moment, and am happier than ever. Thank you for a great article.
Can’t seem to stop dwelling on negative incidents involving family and friends.
Hi Barbara, thank you for joining in and your kind words. Sometimes it is difficult for us to do what we know we should :) Like you it took me a while! Now my life is much happier. Lily x
agree with all above mentioned. I don’t stress over not getting things done around the house. I enjoy my free time and outdoor life much more!
Hi cgc, thanks for joining the conversation. I like the way you are living! ily x
I think I worried enough for my whole life. So, I don’t need to do that one any longer. I
Hi Karen, thanks for joining the conversation. I couldn’t agree more! Lily x