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2 Divorce Questions Every Older Adult Should Ask… But, Few Do

By Stan Corey October 18, 2023 Family

Unfortunately, men and women rarely ask themselves two essential divorce questions as they begin the process or while negotiating the final settlement.

These are:

  1. Will the settlement allow me and my family to be financially secure now and in the future? And,
  2. How much financial and emotional currency am I willing to spend?

Throughout the divorce process, you will be presented with many paths down which you may go to find a solution and reach a settlement. However, what may make the most difference for your long-term financial and personal wellness is not necessarily the final solution, but how you arrive at it.

Navigating Challenging Transitions

There are many reasons for a divorce, but in recent years the divorce rate among retiring couples has increased! The transition from working to retirement can be one of the most emotional events in our lives.

For many, the loss of their identity as “who they were” is one issue they struggle to resolve. Another one is not having a clear understanding of how to manage assets in retirement. That is, how to actually begin withdrawing from accounts they have spent their whole life building. It can be very daunting.

In addition, I have found that executives or others in management can have difficulty as they no longer have people to “boss around” and mistakenly try to boss their spouses!

Or, the two people in the couple have both been working in careers and now are faced with being together 24/7. They realize that they had a good working relationship, but they do not want to spend the rest of their lives with a person who no longer makes them happy.

Facing Tough Divorce Questions

How would you feel about hearing any of the following:

“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“We just want different things now that we are retired.”

“You keep your retirement plan, and I will keep mine, and we split everything else evenly.”

Will the Settlement Ensure Financial Security?

Once a couple has engaged lawyers to act on their behalf, two things happen. First, they begin the process of negotiating the division of the assets that have been accumulated over their lifetime. And second, they go about determining the amount of support, if any, one spouse pays to the other.

However, if the divorce is taking place at around the time of retirement, the division of marital assets, including retirement accounts and pensions, may result in no spousal support being paid.

What was to be a time to spend together in retirement, has become a matter of holding on to enough assets to provide financial security and be in a safe environment.

Without answering these questions, many divorcing couples find out a few years later that what they had thought was a reasonable settlement has left them in financial trouble. The real problem is when they realize they cannot go back and make changes to the property settlement agreement!

How Much Emotional Currency Am I Willing to Spend?

Beyond the financial issues are the emotional ones that can be even more problematic. The amount of emotional currency spent in a battle over “things,” and having to spend a great deal of your savings doing so, can result in the need for long-term psychological counseling which also affects your general health.

Stress is a major cause of a person’s poor health. It also influences your ability to recover from surgery or other illnesses. In addition, do you want to open up old wounds to pursue the other person for specific benefits in the agreement where they have not complied? You need to determine if the emotional cost is worth the financial gain that may be involved.

By answering the above two questions, you can make better decisions, save money and emotional stress, and understand what the longer term financial impact will be BEFORE you sign the agreement. If you do not understand the financial issues, get help!

This is going to be one of the most critical events of your life in determining your long-term financial wellness. Having professional help is a necessity, especially if you are the one who is less well informed about the family financial matters.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How much financial and emotional currency did you spend in your divorce? Do you understand now how to negotiate a settlement that will allow you and your family to be financially secure now and in the future? What steps did you take to respond to the two essential divorce questions? Please share your thoughts with the community.

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Stephanie Bryant

I made the mistake of saying I’ll take care of the cats financially. They have become expensive due to health and behavioral issues. I didn’t realize this when the agreement was signed. They were his too. Now I give him money being disabled,he doesn’t need. I’m taking care of the house too. I’m overwhelmed!


This is a timely piece as I am dealing with an offer of settlement from my ex where he is hoping to take 80% of the house proceeds:(. Needless to say, it is totally unacceptable as I looked after the house completely and he helped when he was ready and “was feeling like it”. As a wife who trusted her husband to look after the finances, it was a big mistake. He is an accountant and you would think he could look after our finances. Get a financial advisor or girlfriends to help you solve these financial problems. They might be able to recommend someone to help you budget and determine what you need financially to stay on top of it.

The Author

Stan Corey is a retired Certified Financial Planner Professional, Chartered Financial Consultant, and Certified Private Wealth Advisor and has worked with many individuals, families, and small businesses for almost 40 years. He has published two books, The Divorce Dance and When Work Becomes Optional. His current project is a series of short stories for children about life on the water, called “Sailing Adventures of Mac Brown.”

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