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6 Lessons My Mother Taught Me About (Not) Aging Well

Sometimes we learn what to do from someone who did it all wrong. I found myself realizing that I learned a lot about aging well from my mother. Sadly, the lessons are not ones I want to repeat.

My mother was the same age as I am now when her health began to change drastically. Yes, she had some pre-existing health conditions, but they could have been managed.

Her decline began after my dad died. The downward spiral from socially active and mobile to disabled occurred over a very short period of time and was caused by a number of factors:

Lack of physical activity and exercise – a loss of strength, endurance, balance, and flexibility.

  • Social isolation
  • Poor mental health
  • Inadequate nutrition
  • Lack of interests and hobbies
  • Complications from a fall

Soon it was a cycle of poor health that became cumulative, with one problem compounding another and another.

Lack of Physical Activity and Exercise

The simple fact is that my mother’s muscles atrophied. She became reclusive, going out less and less. I lived four hours away and tried to monitor things by phone and visits.

Over time, she became a fall risk. She lost strength in her legs, had no stamina to go up a few stairs, lost her balance easily and did not have the flexibility to catch herself if she started to fall. She began using a walker.

Eventually, she did agree to move to a beautiful assisted living facility and for a short time things improved. But the improvements were short lived.

Her inactivity increased to the point that she was no longer able to transfer safely from her bed to a chair. She could not walk – even with the walker. She eventually required a wheelchair.

Social Isolation

Ultimately – even though there was a lot of activity around her – she became socially isolated. She refused to participate in even the simplest of activities and preferred to be alone in her room. She began to sleep more than she was awake.

Poor Mental Health

Mental health can be a chicken and egg dilemma. The more inactive you are and the more socially isolated, the greater the impact on your mental health. A predisposition to depression took hold.

Inadequate Nutrition

Depression certainly impacts appetite. But even before the depression was diagnosed, food became secondary – even with someone else doing all the work.

Lack of Interests and Hobbies

My mom used to like to garden – she had over 200 rose bushes at one point. She liked to play cards, visit with friends, cook and do things for others. She liked volunteering at a local not for profit agency. But slowly she lost interest in everything.

Complications from a Fall

Predictably, she became more and more of a fall risk. One night she tried to get out of bed alone, fell and broke her hip. She died of complications within six weeks.

Aging Well Is a Choice

As we turn 60, we have choices.

In their book Younger Next Year – Live Strong, Fit and Sexy – Until You’re 80 and Beyond Chris Crowley and Dr. Henry Lodge make a very compelling argument for taking charge of our health and our future.

Some 70 percent of premature death and aging is lifestyle related. Heart attacks, strokes, the common cancers, diabetes, most falls, fractures and serious injuries, and many more illnesses are primarily caused by the way we live.

Yes, dealing with mental health challenges and depression does not make it easy to make the right choices, but we have to try. Commit to making your own action plan, guaranteeing you can stay young at heart, and mentally and physically healthy. Here are a few tips…

Get moving and stay moving! You may not want to go for walk or to an exercise class – get over it! Do it because it’s a matter of life and death.

Get involved with something or someone. Keep your social connections. Care about someone other than yourself and this way you will both age well.

If you get the flu, covid, or other virus go the doctor. If you feel anxious or depressed, go to the doctor. Mental health is as critical as your physical health.

Follow a nutritious meal plan. There are lots of great resources to help you eat well, manage your weight, and maintain your energy.

Keep your brain active and engaged. Learn a new language, take music lessons, or read a good book.

Focus on your balance and flexibility. Look around your home and do a quick safety audit to be sure there is nothing that could contribute to your falling.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Premature aging and death is lifestyle related. What do you think are the keys to aging well? What one healthy lifestyle change have you made recently? Please join the conversation.

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Lynn Huyck

This reads as if it was about my mother. Basically exactly the same scenario for my mother. She chose to check out of life. I have watched and listened to her, and decided to live my life drastically different than hers at 60.

Paula

When I was about 45 I was chatting with a friend and she told me that she told her kids she wished she could backwards in age each year and she’d meet them at 35. I decided that I would be 35 and hold there each year. I don’t feel like a senior even though I am now 73. I’ve slowed down a bit since fully retiring as a pediatric nurse at age 70 and spend more time reading than I used to. I take more breaks with gardening and canning etc at harvest time. I get at least 7 hours of sleep each night. I’m starting a crafting club with a few friends to meet once a month for different projects at my house or at a venue. I eat what I want and should probably have a better diet and exercise more; however, my health is good and I see my doctor for regular checkups. My youngest child is 37 and we joke about the miracle it is that he is now “older” than me.Despite the fact that I have been without a partner for over 22 years I have friends of all ages and we communicate regularly. The internet and smart phones makes that fairly easy. I think it is important to be aware of your needs and do something about them.

Phyllis Houghton

Great reading and oh so true but there is two sides to life. The younger
generation enticing us to live to the minute and the older generation dealing with a body that no longer responds. The mind may stay active but if the body gives up with illnesses how can one keep going. At 80 I find it very difficult to stay positive .

Paula

I find the comments here are quite judgemental by many of the respondents. How unfair to think the poor soul who was the subject of this discussion had choices about her own mental & physical health. Loss of a husband and no family support, was the trigger for her decline into early immobility and depression. We are all fragile beings – some more then others and the determination to thrive, when seriously compromised by an ailing physical body or depression, is very hard to activate.

The Author

Suzanne Mulligan-Born is the Founder of Healthy Active Seniors – a site for seniors who want to get better with age! As a writer for over 25 years, Suzanne uses her personal experience and research skills to reveal the 3 keys to long-term health and independence.

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