When Doing It Yourself Is No Longer the Best Choice
My husband has always been a complete DYI person.
Remodeling a couple of homes? Yep, did that. Build a 30×30 foot shop? Yep, did that. Rebuild an antique car by taking it down to nuts and bolts and putting it back together? A bit challenging, but yes, did that.
Cleaning gutters, painting, indoor and outdoor work that needed to be done was all no problem until age and the onset of Parkinson’s made everything more difficult and, in many cases, impossible for him.
Things progressed with greater difficulty until it became apparent that if we wanted to stay in our home, my husband was no longer able to keep up with everything. The decision became imperative when getting into the house from the garage, an easy two-step access with no handrail in former times was now an accident waiting to happen.
Sometimes Asking for Help Gives Others a Way In
For my husband, this was his second marriage after his first wife died from cancer. He has a very supportive son and daughter who live nearby, but the family gathering place naturally shifted after their mother died and their father remarried. Both his son and daughter also have very busy lives, so it was often easier for family get-togethers to be at one of their homes rather than ours.
Add to that the fact that my husband, while quick to offer help, was much more reticent about asking for it. Yet it was obvious that if we wanted to stay in our home, some decisions had to be made. Once the need was expressed to family members, there was no hesitation, they were eager to help.
The Project Became More Than a Project
Phase one of the “Two-Step Fix,” was assessing what needed to be done. His son has taken after his dad and, while a full-time long-distance truck driver, had also remodeled his home, adding rooms, remodeling and expanding the interior to meet the growing needs of his family. Carpentry, plumbing, basic electrical fixes he had learned growing up and expanded with new learning for each new project so there was no doubt he was up to this simple two-step project.
Except it became much more than that. It started with a family gathering at our home to check things over and come up with a plan over a full family pizza dinner. The more the topic was discussed the bigger and better the project developed.
Expand the two-step access to a wider platform that would make the entrance more accessible and provide an easier laundry area for the washer and dryer. The single railing to the downstairs recreation room (access from the garage) needed a second railing to make it safer.
It was hours in discussion with all members jumping in with suggestions for improvements and how to make it easier for their dad and grandad safer and much nicer. I am five foot two and the present setup for the washer which was on a raised platform made getting to the bottom of the tub to grab socks and small articles a huge stretch for me. I had never minded, but it was our daughter-in-law who thought that could be fixed!
Letting People Help Can Bring a Family Closer
After the plan was in place, a time was set up for a working weekend. The two-step access had now become a major remodel and all hands showed up for work. My husband’s son and 14-year-old grandson, his daughter and her husband arrived to form the work crew.
A visit to Home Depot the night before had resulted in all the lumber, flooring, nails and fasteners loaded up into the back of my stepson’s truck. The guys tackled the garage project while my stepdaughter came prepared to tackle an overgrowth of weeds in the front yard.
They worked for hours, rarely stopping for iced drinks and a cookie. I had hauled in a yard chair for my husband to sit on and observe though he was up and into helping as much as he could throughout the day.
Finally, towards evening, the crew agreed to a break and a meal at Killer Burger. More family members came and we all piled into three cars and headed out. It was a short but fun and happy meal and then the crew went back to work for a few more hours.
Long, long day with the major work accomplished and a second day planned to finish up.
Both my husband and I will hopefully enjoy the new remodel for years to come but even more important – the bonding, love and family support has become a treasured memory. We are all looking forward to more family get-togethers at our home as well as theirs in the future.
My husband and I were slow to ask for help but sometimes all it takes is a practical need to remind us how much we need one another.
Let’s Chat:
I bet you have your own stories of family or friends coming to the rescue, would love to hear them! Are you slow to ask for help? How has helped turned up when you needed it?
I still resist hiring help. I will be 69 YO next week but continue to mow and weed whack my lawn and clean my house. I have 2 dogs and 2 cats so it is a lot of time and effort. However, I love having my animals and I love having a home that I’m proud of. Sometimes I think it would be nice to hire help but I want to conserve my retirement funds for as long as possible. I don’t have family or friends to help with some things but wish I did.
Hi Dawn, Yes, worry about having your retirement funds last gets more worrisome the older we get. I just had my 70th birthday so right there with you. :-)
I am a full time caregiver for my husband which takes some of my time and energy but when it comes to keeping the yard up I’m not the best green thumb person to start with! So far we are not hiring the yard work full time but may in the future.
You are lucky to have family members like that. Most things I have to hire out. Used to have men in the social circle that were handy, but alas, they all have passed away or are physically unable to help me out. I’ve been a widow for 21 years. Now I have mobility issues in a two story house with basement. I had a ramp installed out my back door where there was no railing and have a Stair Lift to get up to the second floor and the basement. Pricey but I like my house and yard and the neighborhood and want to stay here. I’m 72 years old, hope to have plenty more years to enjoy life without fear of falling down the stairs!
Hi Beth,
Thanks for commenting!🙂
I think we will still have to pay for some help as so many little things come up and we don’t want to be a pain. Still hard for us to ask for help but getting easier.
I am looking into a business called, Mr. HandyMan – and I think we will use them for some smaller things. Not sure if they are a national franchise or just local but they are very reasonable.
So glad you have a stair lift. We want to get one but so expensive! My husband and I are both veterans and hoping we might get some help from the VA but don’t know if that is a real possibility.
Like you we want to stay in our home if we can because we like it. Though the yard work is a whole nother episode.
The Acorn stairlift is pricey but I’m so glad I bit the bullet and just did it. I have a lawn/snow plow service that keeps the grass and the snow under control. I also have a fellow who does my landscape maintenance. Comes every six weeks or so from Spring to Fall. I resisted for years and years about hiring help, but finally came to the point where it was clear that it was too much for me. I’ve been dithering about hiring a house cleaner. I really need one. I was raised to believe a woman should be able to clean her own house, so it really goes against the grain to even consider it. I have a couple of granddaughters in a nearby town who come and help me out on occasion, but they have their own lives and families so I try not to rely on them too much. The stairlift was a huge investment, but I knew it was either that or move. The mowing and plowing and maintenance is not as onerous a cost as I had imagined. No doubt a house cleaner would be in my price range too, but I’m a little apprehensive having a ‘stranger’ in the house. Anybody have experience hiring house cleaners?
Hi again, Beth. 😀
We hired a housecleaner because I was working part time and doing other things and not keeping on top of stuff. The plan was to have her come once or twice a month but then my job cut back to so few hours it wasn’t worth it.
So it was a one and done experience. The lady who came was very nice and did a great job but since I had more time I went back to doing it myself.
I think if we hire again I would rather hire someone privately using NextDoor for a good recommendation. And I would also rather hire someone who was easy to talk to. Through a company you don’t know who you are going to get.
I used to clean a house when I was a young person and we became great friends. So that is kind of nice as well – to find someone that is reliable and good but also friendly.
Thanks for relating your experience of ‘the hiring of the housecleaner.’ I attempted it back in April through Angi’s List as a birthday present to myself.
I was put in touch with a fairly local woman who was self-employed. We texted, she told me her rates, seemed high but I did not really know the drill. She stopped over and surveyed my mess and said she could deep clean the bathroom in six hours. I looked at her blankly. Six hours??? I had no idea what a ‘deep clean’ entailed and still really don’t but that was not what I was looking for. Just general cleaning, a little deeper at first t get things under control, then general maintenance. Not a deep scrub of a Crime Scene! hahahaha. We were not a match. I’ll probably try again one of these days now I’m a bit more in the know about what I want.