Changing My Mind Is Okay

I used to think changing my mind meant I’d made the wrong decision. Now I think it often means I know something I didn’t know when I made the decision.

There was a time when I was much more inclined to stick with things. Once I’d decided something, especially if I’d told others, changing it felt uncomfortable. If I said I was going to do something, I should do it. I’m not nearly as concerned about that anymore.

Perhaps it’s one of the advantages of getting older. I’ve made enough decisions to know that some will be good ones, some won’t, and many will be perfectly good decisions that stop making sense.

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

Most of us make decisions based on what we know at that particular moment. But that moment passes, and we can’t ignore this.

We choose a job because it seems right, and we make plans with friends because they sound like fun. We buy something because we think we’ll use it, and we book a holiday because the destination looks wonderful.

Then life gets in the way. The job changes, the commitment becomes more demanding than expected or the thing we bought isn’t as useful as we imagined.

None of this means the original decision was wrong. It means we have more information now.

I’ve become much more comfortable acting on that new information, instead of stubbornly sticking with, and defending, a decision that is no longer a good one. It was at the time, but not now.

I Don’t Need to Prove I Was Right

I think this is the part that has changed most for me. I don’t give a ‘rat’s ass’ anymore. I’m not attached to my past. That was then, this is now.

When we’re younger, there can be a surprising amount of pride attached to our decisions. We don’t want other people to think we’ve failed, given up or made a mistake. Sometimes we don’t want to admit it to ourselves either. So, we keep going.

I’ve certainly done things longer than I should have simply because I’d already invested time, money, or energy in them. Once you’ve put that much into something, walking away can feel wasteful.

But continuing to put more time, money or energy into something I no longer want doesn’t make sense. When the original decision isn’t worthwhile, it’s time to stop and reassess the whole situation.

These days I’m much more likely to ask myself a simple question: Knowing what I know now, would I make the same choice? If the answer is no, I pay attention.

Sometimes Nothing Is Wrong

We don’t always need a dramatic reason to change our minds. Something doesn’t have to be terrible and nobody has to behave badly. There doesn’t have to be a crisis or a compelling explanation. Sometimes we simply no longer want something.

Our interests and priorities change. What sounded exciting six months ago, can feel like an obligation today. Something that once mattered to us can now be less important.

I’ve found this particularly noticeable as I’ve moved through my 70s. I’m much less interested in doing things simply because I’ve always done them, or because other people expect me to continue. This doesn’t mean I’m always changing my plans. Quite the opposite. When something matters to me, I can be remarkably persistent. I’m simply becoming more selective and focused on what really matters.

Plans Aren’t Promises

I’m preparing for a big trip at the moment, and I’ve been reminded repeatedly of how quickly a plan can change.

I’ve had to change just about every aspect of my trip. As I got into the planning process, I kept finding new information that gave me a lot of choices and new considerations. I had to redo many of my initial decisions, and sometimes these decisions had me reassess early choices.

A few years ago, I might have regarded all my replanning as frustrating. Now I’m beginning to think that’s simply what planning is.

A plan is what I think will work based on what I know at the time. Tomorrow I may know something different, and my plans may change again.

This applies to much more than travel.

We make plans for retirement. We imagine where we’ll live, how we’ll spend our days and what we’ll want to do with all that supposedly free time. Then we actually get there and discover that the person living the retirement isn’t quite the same person who imagined it years earlier.

Why shouldn’t we be allowed to change our plans?

Changing My Mind Doesn’t Mean I’ve Given Up

There is an important difference, at least for me, between changing my mind because something is difficult, and changing it because it no longer makes sense.

I do like challenges, but I no longer think persistence is a virtue. Sometimes persistence gets us somewhere worthwhile, but other times it doesn’t. At this age, I’m getting better at recognizing the difference. When something isn’t working for me, I change it up.

I Can Always Change It Again

My new-found freedom allows me to change my mind. It doesn’t require me to be absolutely certain about the new decision either. I have no issue making another choice based on what I learn. And if circumstances change again, I can make a different decision.

I don’t need every decision to be permanent, nor do I need to defend an old choice simply because I once believed strongly in it. And I absolutely don’t need to apologize every time I decide something different is better for me.

I haven’t become indecisive. I’ve simply stopped believing that changing my mind means I got it wrong. Sometimes it just means I’ve learned something new.

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Let’s Have a Conversation:

What do you think about “sticking with your choices”? Do you allow yourself to adjust plans/decisions as you learn new information?