As you recover from your divorce and move on, there is one all-too-common emotion that causes way more headaches than you need. Anger. Being ticked off. The persistent rage that will not leave you but could jeopardize your future relationships.
You worked really hard to obtain and keep the things that give you joy and comfort in life.
You probably keep your house or apartment nice and cosy, and you likely have homeowner’s insurance to protect it in case something happens to it. Your beloved heirlooms and the mementos you treasure are probably tucked away with the greatest of love and care.
You wouldn’t leave your door unlocked and invite a thief in to destroy the things you treasure, would you?
Of course not!
So, why on earth are you leaving the door to your life and happiness open to anger on a daily basis? Just as a thief will break into your home, wreck it, and take away everything that is dear to you, so will anger.
It’s time to lock the door and install one of those baller home security systems. It is time to protect one of the most precious things that anger will rob you of: your happiness and chance to heal.
Anger is other people’s stupid stuff trying to control you. Why let it?
When you are ticked off at something, your body is all too happy to let you know it. Your blood pressure, breathing and heart rate increase because your adrenal glands are being set into “fight or flight” mode.
This physiological reaction may have served Neanderthals when it was time to fight off whatever prehistoric beast threatened their survival, but that same anger disrupts your calm. Why let it control you like that?
The fact that your ex didn’t treat you right, the fact that the marriage is ending or has ended, and the fact that the ex and their lawyers may still be disrupting your peace of mind is just a simple fact. None of those are indicators of how you are obligated to react as a result.
Do you remember the delightful Pirates of the Caribbean movies with Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow? He put it too well:
“The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.”
Your attitude about the problem is your anger. The stupid stuff that you are reacting to doesn’t have to disrupt your peace of mind.
How you choose to react to the problem – in this case, the facts – is what makes the difference between navigating this process with less drama and stress for yourself, or letting all the madness drag you down and leave you exhausted.
You’re better than getting pissed off at something that you cannot control. It’s time to focus on the things you actually can control.
Some years ago, I was sweating my butt off in a hot yoga class. I was frustrated that I could not get into a backbend because my arthritis decided it didn’t want to play nice. My stomach was churning because of the third argument I had had with my boss that week.
On top of that, my heart was sinking because a man who I had been seeing and who I really liked had called the night before to break up with me. I was a knot of rage that afternoon in yoga class.
“If it does not serve you, then let it go,” the instructor said.
Although the yoga teacher probably meant for the students to be kind and patient with themselves, reassuring them the back bend would happen when the body was ready for it, those words stuck. And I remember bursting into tears.
Not because I wasn’t flexible enough during that moment in time. Simply put, I was letting the fact that I was inflexible in life cloud my ability to just be and move on.
We have to understand that if a negative emotion is not going to improve our lives, we need to show it the door. There is no place for anger holding us hostage.
The next time you start to feel pissed off about the divorce drama, do the following:
What struggles do you experience when it comes to dealing with divorce anger? What steps have you taken to kick it to the curb? What do you think are the keys to getting through a divorce after 50? Please share the strategies that have worked for you!
Tags Divorce After 60