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Didn’t Feel Any Spark on the First Date? Try These 7 Tips

By Michele Burghardt February 26, 2024 Dating

One of the most common complaints I hear from my coaching clients about first dates is that they didn’t feel any chemistry. So often we expect it to feel like a bolt of lightning like you see in the movies. We forget, we live in real life, not in a movie.

Can it happen? Sure. But realize that this is more likely a chemical reaction rather than an emotional connection. It’s a love vs. lust concept. If you don’t feel that sizzle as soon as you meet someone, it doesn’t mean there won’t ever be any chemistry between you two. It simply means it may need time to develop.

Most women don’t realize that they carry 50 percent of the responsibility of creating a spark on the first date. If it doesn’t happen naturally, there are some things to help it along. The key is to create enough interest on date number one so that you both want to learn more about each other on date number two.

Try these tips to help create a little sizzle:

Dress Comfortably

It’s hard to know how to dress on a first date. Should you buy something new, wear your best shoes, etc.? The real key is to be your best, beautiful self. Be sure to wear something comfortable that doesn’t slip, bunch, or feel too tight. And wear something that makes you feel like a million dollars. First impressions count.

Look for the Positive

When you go on a first date with a positive attitude and that feeling of excitement, it’s easier to experience that sense of giddiness. If you don’t initially feel it, focus on finding two or three things you really like about your date so your focus is on the positive and not the negative. It makes a difference.

Compliment Him

Yes, men love to hear compliments. If you want to get flirty, you could even say, “You’re cuter than I thought you were” when you first meet. If that’s too much for you, a sincere compliment of “You look nice” can set the stage for more casual compliments throughout the date. You don’t always need to compliment them on how they look. Maybe they have a great laugh or a point of view you appreciate. They’ll enjoy hearing about anything you like about them.

Sit Next to Him

Close the gap at the table by sitting next to him rather than across from him. It feels more intimate and makes it easier for you to talk to each other.

Touch Him

Men don’t experience much physical contact in their day-to-day lives so feel free to touch his arm, hand, or shoulder for emphasis while you’re chatting. You can even go for a hug and peck on the cheek when you first meet or end the date.

Be Authentic

You want to bring your real self to all your first dates. If you’re feeling excited or nervous to meet him, be open and tell him. He may be feeling the same way which can create some common ground, or he may step up to show support which will also create an open dialogue.

Keep Your Body Language Open

Even if you’re nervous, try to smile. Then keep your arms and hands open, it’s hard to feel close to someone with crossed arms. Lean into the conversation rather than away. And make sure your feet are facing in rather than out. Shifting your body to a more open position can lead to more open conversation.

No one can predict how things will go when you meet someone new. That’s why you’ll enjoy making those heart-to-heart connections quickly by using the tips above and the secret language that creates chemistry. You’ll be able to get to know him at a deeper level without feeling intrusive or getting too personal.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you believe you need to feel chemistry on date number one in order to go on date number two, or do you give it some time and let things develop?

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Spare a thought for the poor men. One of my recent dates spent a solid hour telling me in excruciating detail about her medical traumas, and then moved on to how she’d alienated all of her children and past husbands. By then end of it I was itching to get back to my car and get away.

Did she ask me about my life? No. And by the end of it, I was not interested in telling her anything anyway.

Michele Burghardt

Thanks for your comment. Have a great week. Michele

Lisa Stege

That’s terrible when that happens. I have had the same experience with a few men, to the point where I have to let them know that I do not want to hear about “all the gory details” of their health challenges. I am not interested in discussing mine, either. I think that is something reserved for more intimate friends.


It’s more of a “vibe” thing for me. If I get bad vibes, I don’t waste any more of the guy’s time. That “gut feeling” I get has always been confirmed by their actions.

Michele Burghardt

Hi Martina, Thanks for your note. Your gut feeling is your brain picking up non-verbal cues so keep listening to it! It won’t steer you wrong. xxoo Michele


I agree with these points. Sadly, we are in an instant gratification society where many people have the attention span of a flea. At this point in life, I find very few available men attractive, but unless I am turned off or just KNOW there will never be a connection, I try and remain open for a few more dates to “see if” something might develop. I find the majority of men I meet either want instant attraction, or finds them attractive and/or wants more of a women’s time than she has to give…

Michele Burghardt

Hi Debbie, I agree we all want instant gratification, it must be part of the human condition LOL. If I’m not feeling any sizzle on a first date, but he’s a nice guy and I’m having fun, I try to work that into the conversation to encourage a second date. Most men aren’t as intune with giving things a chance to develop as women are. Thanks for your note. Have a great week! xxoo Michele

The Author

Michele Burghardt is an author, speaker, and dating coach for women 50 and over with 20 + years of experience in the self-help area. She believes loving yourself is the first step to finding love. You can learn more about her transformational coaching style and her book at

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