Put on Your Crown… and Step into Your Life

Remember when you were a little girl and pretended to be a princess? How did that feel? Perhaps confident, valued, visible, and more than enough. How would you describe it?

Why don’t many of us feel like that now in our lives? Wouldn’t it be fun and inspiring to feel that way again?

A friend recently shared a photo of herself as a child wearing a crown, all dressed up, with a regal and perfectly secure smile. She was feminine and powerful. That sounds perfect to me!

This royal woman is still in you. If you have lost her, let’s explore how to find her again.

Why Bother?

As we move into our 60s and beyond, we are called to live a life beyond the demands of external achievement and concern with security. Our lives are now defined by what we want. In a recent women’s gathering, a shared benefit of being over 60 is being the decision-maker about our own lives. This is our time to live our most authentic and fulfilling life.

Living in the way we want is an act of creation. We cannot create from our inner voice unless we respect, trust, and appreciate ourselves. We need to listen and know we deserve. Act like that young girl in her crown.

Value Yourself

When was the last time you considered what you love about you? After all, you have lived for decades and experienced many different roles. Who you are today has arisen from all you have been. Stop and take stock, perhaps write out what comes to you. Maybe you are generous, honest, optimistic, creative, thoughtful, calm, industrious, or intelligent. The list of possibilities is long.

When you allow yourself to embrace all that is you, isn’t that enough to cloak you in royal robes?

Yet, we can still resist allowing ourselves to feel magnificent enough to be royalty. It is time to move beyond the resistance.

Our Stories

We, women, share similar reasons for holding ourselves back from the desires awaiting inside. Fundamentally, these reasons make what we want seem impossible.

An Identity Mismatch

First, you may not believe you are a woman who matches what you sense that you want. My example is that, as I entered my 70s, what called to me didn’t match what I assumed I “should” be doing. Do 70-year-olds learn to race Dragon Boats on a team? I needed to trust that if I follow my intuition, I will create something just perfect. I did.

Perhaps you want to travel, yet you see yourself as someone who prefers being close to home. Perhaps you want to try an activity like pickleball or dancing, yet you define yourself as someone who prefers quieter, more solitary pursuits. Can you think of an example that relates to you?

Maintaining the Status Quo

Next, you may be concerned about what others think and whether your relationships will be affected. We all want to feel like we belong and have a sense of community, so our relationships are valuable. Often, relationships are more resilient and flexible than we anticipate. Some are not, and that probably is okay.

I have learned to embrace relationships that support whoever I want to be. You may have long-term relationships, family, and friends who you have “trained” to see you in a certain way. We are tempted to adapt our desires to fit what they expect. They may well simply revise what they assume about you as you change. Do you find yourself adapting what you do in order to maintain the status quo in relationships?

Real-Life Ageism

Finally, we may believe what we want will be “too much” for us. This is especially relevant to those of us over 60. The ageist messaging around us may tell us that we are “too old” to start a business, learn a skill, or be physically or mentally challenged. Then, we internalize this and begin to tell ourselves the same thing. I continually get messages that someone in their 70s can’t create a thriving business. What do you think you can’t do that may not be true at all?

One way to assess this is to notice when you think you will be overwhelmed by doing something you yearn for. Perhaps you believe it will take too much energy or time. Consider that if it is aligned with what you want, you will stay in balance. To use our travel example, perhaps you think time zone changes and long trips will wear you out, so you will not have fun. Then you might choose not to travel rather than figure out what kind of travel will work for you.

I’m curious if you can figure out which of these ways of holding yourself back seems familiar. If you can, please share! Another approach is to allow yourself to say out loud something that you truly want to try, then notice how you feel and what thoughts come up. Those are clues!

What do you do to move beyond these blocks?

What If

What if you put on your crown, gave yourself a smile, and spent some time in the world seeing yourself as deserving of all good things? Isn’t that how you felt as a young girl playing princess? You may not have high tea served, but you could have some wonderful and fulfilling experiences. What would it feel like if you pursued what you truly wanted, even if it is scary, “age-inappropriate,” or seemingly out of character?

It is a matter of allowing yourself to be you.

What would happen if you took one small step? See how that feels. Then do what you sense to be the right next step. Listen for what helps you feel more alive.

(The foundation for some of the concepts in this article is based on research by Dr. Claire Zammit © The Institute for Woman-Centered Coaching.)

Connect with me if you are ready to put on your crown, expand your vision for what your life can be, and dismantle the barriers that may keep you from living it.

For Discussion:

Do you have memories of pretending to be a princess? How did it feel? If you pretend to be that princess now, what pops into your mind about what you want? Are there things you want to do or try but are holding back on?