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How Does Masculine and Feminine Energy Impact Your Love Life?

By Michele Burghardt February 19, 2023 Dating

One of the most common things I hear from women regarding what they want in a relationship is that they are looking for a true partner to share life’s joys and responsibilities. We are tired of being ‘in charge’ of everything, even though we’re so good at it.

Although women are more capable than ever before, that get it done attitude is a masculine energy trait that doesn’t always translate well into your love life. Although men and women share both energy characteristics because no one is 100% masculine or 100% feminine, men typically default to masculine energy and women typically default to feminine energy – in a perfect world.

The Difference Between Masculine and Feminine Energy

Masculine energy traits include characteristics such as leadership, action, reason, logic, adventure, strength, loyalty, and assertiveness. While feminine energy traits include such things as charm, communication, collaboration, nurturing, sensitivity, self-awareness, and intuition. Masculine energy is a giving energy and feminine energy is a receiving energy.

From these simple lists you can easily see why we all need both energies in our day-to-day world. But how does that impact dating and relationships?  

One of the differences between how men and women think is that men enjoy having a job to do and feel successful when they can make you happy. So, when you’re planning a date, who does the planning?

Even though women want men to take charge and share the load, we have a hard time giving up control over how it’s done. If you decide on the place, make the reservations, decide on the time, and figure out all the details, how does this impact a masculine-energy man who feels successful when he makes you happy? He’ll feel out of sync and useless.

If you approach a high-masculine energy man with your own masculine energy, you’ll create an environment of two bucks fighting for alpha position. A masculine-energy man will only battle you for position for so long. If you’re too much work, he’ll simply move on to another woman who graciously accepts what he has to offer.

Men Need Space

Feminine energy has nothing to do with a woman’s independence. When you lean back and give a man the space he needs to pursue you and give up some of the control over the tactical day-to-day aspects of your relationship, you actually gain more independence because now you have more time to relax and enjoy life more fully.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t offer suggestions or options. Of course you can, simply make the suggestions and let your man figure out the details. When you lean back, he has the room to move forward and take some of the load off your shoulders.

In my personal experience, I have found many men who are hesitant to step up when you first meet them. They may feel like letting you plan the date is playing it safe, or let’s be honest; maybe he’s simply a lazy dater.

Regardless of the reason, if the man lets you plan the date, you know he’s in his receiving feminine energy. And once you take control of the dating experience, it’s hard to give it back. This means you may find yourself managing the relationship more than you hoped to. Feminine-energy men are naturally attracted to strong masculine-energy women. They make life so easy for them.

Can You Motivate a Man into His Masculine Energy?

If you’re currently dating or in a relationship, can you motivate a man to step up into his masculine energy? The short answer is yes. The longer answer is that it takes time, patience, and consistency. You see, leaning back is something some women don’t do naturally so there may be a learning curve for you as well.

If you flip a switch and go from masculine to feminine energy overnight, your partner may feel like he’s dating a stranger. So, start small. Begin by asking him to take the responsibility for specific tasks and then show your appreciation when he does.

Once he begins to step into his masculine energy, brain chemicals like testosterone are activated which help make the process easier. If you continue to lean back so he can lean forward, you’ll soon find yourself making plans and decisions about your activities and relationship as a team.

I hope this gave you some food for thought. Until next time, keep your heart open and ready for love. You never know where it will find you.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you ever considered the concepts of masculine and feminine energy and how they affect your relationship? Are you more masculine or feminine in nature? Have you tried to lean the other way on purpose? What was the result?

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Beverley Jones

Surprised to read such defensive feedback. I found it very helpful. After all, men are men and women are women regardless of how they choose to identify. We are seeing this play out in transgender men wanting to compete against real females.

Michele Burghardt

Hi Beverley, thanks for your positive feedback. I’m so glad you found it helpful. I’m happy to add you to my email list if you’d like to learn more. xxoo Michele


Isn’t there a third energy type….child-like? Would be interested in hearing from the author on this possibility and how to deal with an adult with this trait.

Michele Burghardt

Hi Jackiej, I’m not familiar with a 3rd energy unless you’re referring to the Peter Pan principle. I believe that is more prevelent in business. I’m sorry I’m unable to comment. If I run across anything I’ll be sure to let you know. xxoo Michele


So how does one actually do this? Could I get a couple of examples from anyone out there who has successfully done this in a long term relationship?

Laura Anderson

This article reinforces harmful and inequitable stereotypes, suggesting that women conform to outdated, sexist, and disempowering modes of behavior. Please update your understandings of gender!

Lana Muir

This works for me on the dating scene “Think like a man, act like a woman and work like a dog”. Trust me, it works. Dating is hard work and relating to a man intellectually is the perfect place to start. The rest will fall into place naturally,

The Author

Michele Burghardt is an author, speaker, and dating coach for women 50 and over with 20 + years of experience in the self-help area. She believes loving yourself is the first step to finding love. You can learn more about her transformational coaching style and her book at

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