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The Myth of Shame and Blame (VIDEO)

By Joanie Marx May 22, 2022 Mindset

From a desire to be more active or engage in a healthy romantic relationship, to embarking on a new career or even starting a new business, many women over 60 have heard the doubts and felt the shame of what they can be, do, and have at this stage of their life.

For many, this resistance comes not just from people in their lives or the negative narratives about aging in the media, but from their own inner critic.

What is behind all of this? The Myth of Shame & Blame.

Without being aware of what keeps you feeling empowered to speak your truth and engage in your desires, the Myth of Shame & Blame will continue to keep you shackled to limitations.

In this article, which is the seventh and final of a seven-part series on The Seven Myths of Love & Happiness™, I will share with you how to be aware of the Myth of Shame & Blame and break free of its influence, once and for all.

What Is the Myth of Shame & Blame?

The Myth of Shame & Blame is the strict guardian of all The Seven Myths of Love & Happiness. It prevents short-term and long-term happiness, all the while keeping limiting beliefs firmly intact.

Introduced to most people through inner and outer shaming as a child, this myth creates a fear-based reality whereby the more your self-worth is attacked and diminished by others the more you become unconsciously conditioned to not trust your inner, authentic self.

If the traumatic effects of this myth are not lovingly addressed early on, the power and influence of the Myth of Shame & Blame intensifies as you grow into adulthood.

A Lack of Trust in Your Voice

The Myth of Shame & Blame serves as a swift and harsh defensive measure for keeping adults from doing anything proactive to improve the quality of their lives beyond what is socially acceptable.

For instance, a desire to do something that liberates you from limits society places on women over 60 is almost guaranteed to be questioned, shamed, and blamed.

From relationships and career to health and well-being, there are many areas in your adult life that take a direct hit by this myth. One thing they all have in common is a lack of trust in your own authentic voice.

By having the voice of your true self disrespected and discounted as a child, you may have grown into an adult not feeling empowered to speak up and be heard, seen, and valued when it matters most.

A lack of trust in your inner, authentic voice stems from hopeless experiences as a child in the face of being shamed and blamed into submissive silence by authority figures.

But as an adult, when you are far removed from those early childhood challenges, how does this myth keep reinforcing these traumatic effects?

Who Is in the Driver’s Seat?

One of the most disruptive and telling effects of the Myth of Shame & Blame is how it directly leads you away from the infallible guidance of your inner authority and into blindly following the guidance and rules of authority figures throughout your life.

The trauma of these earlier experiences gives rise to your inner critic. As abusive as others can be, no voice is more abusive or incessantly negative than your inner critic.

Therefore, these inner and outer voices are in the driver’s seat of your life’s experiences. They steer your emotional, mental, physical, and financial states of well-being until you become aware of how they are not serving your greatest good.

That is why it is so important to quiet your inner critic. For in doing so, you silence the outside noise of other people’s opinions.

Connect with Your Inner Child

To remove the stigma of the Myth of Shame & Blame requires deep, inner work, a lot of which is recommended to be guided by trusted professionals. However, there is no trusted source or voice of authority better equipped than your inner, authentic voice to help you in the now of nows.

To strengthen your trust in your inner, authentic voice you will want to re-establish a healthy and loving connection with your inner child.

If this feels like a foreign concept, consider the following four benefits of lovingly and playfully connecting with your inner child every day:

  1. Connecting with your inner child is a direct conduit to true love and genuine happiness.
  2. Connecting with your inner child releases your authentic voice from years of being constricted through fear, anxiety, and self-doubt.
  3. Connecting with your inner child nullifies the effects of shame and blame while enhancing the unlimited power of your imagination.
  4. The less resistance you have for using your imagination as an adult, the deeper the connection is with your inner child – and the more FUN you will have in your life!

To further help you overwrite the Myth of Shame & Blame and integrate what you have learned, in my video for this article, I will guide you through three journal prompts and share with you 10 empowering affirmations.

Can you say shame and blame have been guiding your life? In what ways? How can you change your narrative to one that is loving and fun?

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The Author

Joanie Marx is a three-time bestselling author and the creator of the new, groundbreaking Refocus & Renew Your Life® online course series on Udemy. She is a graduate of the University of California, Berkeley, with a degree in Psychology, and a leading authority on refocusing and renewing your life.

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