Writing Your Memoir Is Easier Than You Think
I’ve heard it many times in my classes: Your family and friends want you to write your memoir. They say you’ve had an interesting life, and you have such great stories to tell. They want it all in writing for their kids, your grandkids.
But who has the time? And really, is your life all that interesting? Plus, you gave up writing after that last school assignment many moons ago.
Why Bother? Here’s Why
Did you know clinical studies show that people who wrote about emotional events in their lives for 20 minutes a day for four consecutive days showed increases in therapeutic T-cells for the following six weeks?
James Pennebaker, author of Opening Up by Writing It Down, published several studies in the Journal of the American Medical Association, showing improvements in the symptoms of asthma, rheumatoid arthritis and chronic fatigue syndrome among people who wrote about their lives.
Whether or not you ever show your stories to another human being, writing them is good for your health.
We all have the same 24 hours a day, and as we age, those hours fly by. Retirement days are easily filled with activities. Still, I managed to write and publish a memoir in 2008, at the age of 62.
Read more: Memoir: Why Writing Your Personal Story Can Be the Ultimate Reward.
How Did I Find the Time?
One trick I used is the Pomodoro Technique, writing for 25 minutes, taking a five-minute break, then writing for another 25 minutes. (It’s named after the tomato-shaped kitchen timer used by its developer, Francesco Cirillo. Pomodoro is Italian for tomato!)
That was just enough to get me started, it was manageable in my busy day, and often led to longer sessions when I didn’t want to stop. You can write for three or four Pomodoro’s, then take a longer break. Or you could just try 20 minutes a day, like Pennebaker’s trial subjects. Who doesn’t have 20 minutes a day to reflect on her life?
You Really Do Have Something to Say
Maybe you’re a celebrity, and your memoir will be fun to read. But we all learn more about getting through life from reading about so-called ordinary people who coped with grief, illness, crappy jobs, boredom, depression and the rest of life’s hurdles.
Plus, reading what they have to say about what they loved may remind us of what we forget and want to try again. Remember ballroom dancing, gardening, drawing, piano playing? Cheryl Strayed’s memoir, Wild, inspired me to take more hikes in the wilderness. And after reading Helen MacDonald’s H Is for Hawk, I’ll never look at those beautiful birds the same way again.
Read more: Memoir Made Easy: Everyone Has a Story.
And Yes, You Do Know How to Write
Memoir writing is nothing like those school reports we slaved over. The rules are being bent so often they barely exist. You write emails, don’t you? Remember pen pals? Letters to a friend?
Modern memoirs, even the published ones, are written in a casual, conversational style. Sure, writing well takes practice, but so does making pies, playing the piano, and Zumba dancing. Think of it as a skill you are building for the sheer pleasure of it.
Worried What Your Aunt Will Say If You Tell the Whole Truth?
You can choose what to include and what to leave out. You don’t have to write your whole life story. A memoir is a slice of life – your career, love life, travel, marriage, illness… the list is endless.
You don’t need permission from anyone to own your story. Tell the truth, and don’t share resentments or try to get revenge. Get it down first, in what writer Anne Lamott calls a “shitty first draft.” Then consider taking out the parts that might hurt innocent bystanders. That’s what revising is for.
Make it even easier on yourself and have fun with it by taking a class, online or in person, or joining a group to share feedback with each other. It can even lead to new friendships.
Read more: 11 Memoirs Authored by Women Over 50.
Start Small
Make lists of your favorite people, books, jobs, vacations, homes. Then pick one each day to write about.
An Exercise to Get You Started
Make a list of people you have loved. Then pick one, put their name in the center of a page, and draw six lines out from it like spokes of a wheel. At the end of each line, answer one of these questions:
- What is (or was) their favorite thing?
- What do you know about their looks?
- What is their best quality?
- What is something they might typically say?
- What is their life’s dream?
- What was their worst bad habit?
Now pick one of these traits, set a timer (or a Pomodoro!) for 15 minutes, and write about how you came to recognize it.
Get the Picture?
You don’t have to write a whole book. Just a page at a time, a few minutes a day, and you might decide you like recording the people and places your life has touched. If no one reads it but you, it’s still a worthy practice, for your own emotional health. But I hope you decide to share it with the ones you love.
What if I Want to Publish My Memoir?
There are two ways of publishing your memoir. You can go the traditional route with a publishing house or publish independently on your own. You will first need an agent if you want to go the publishing-house route.
You can self-publish on one of these platforms without an agent:
Read more: Memoir Writing – How to Write About Yourself
FAQ – Writing Your Memoir
What is the difference between a memoir and a biography?
A biography is a book about someone’s entire life. A memoir is a book about an event or a specific time in someone’s life. Both are based on truth and memories.
Do I need experience to write a memoir?
Absolutely not! Try writing your memoir as if you’re telling a story to a friend. Everyone can do that!
Do I have to write my entire life story?
No, choose a part of your life to write about. It can be your family relationships, your marriage, your career, your kids, your childhood neighborhood, your travels, basically anything that you feel you would like to tell the story of.
Do I need to publish my memoir?
No, you don’t need to feel the stress of publishing your memoir. That is a goal for some, and for others it’s the simple act of writing, knowing that no one will ever read it.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
How often do you sit down and reflect on your life? Do you write down your thoughts? Who do you write for? Have you considered compiling your thoughts and experiences in a memoir? If something’s stopping you, what is it? Tell us about it in the comments below.
Tags Writing
I have been writing almost every day, for about 40 years. Since I’ve had a cell phone, I’ve been writing in a notes app, all of the memorable events that I experience during the day, and the people that I’ve met, and the struggles & some celebrations. I just do that as a way to dump thoughts. I like to remember life as I move on. I never thought of this writing as a memoir, but that’s probably what these nighttime writings are about. There are so many precious moments in a day, in celebration and in pain, whether it’s mine or anybody else’s.
If I wrote my memoirs they would have to be published posthumously. The shock and increduality following their release would necessite me going into hiding for the rest of my life…
I love that! Writing seems like a creative way to express your freedom in thoughts.
Wow! Thank you so much for this. At 78 (and still pretty active and healthy) I am often asked about specific events in my eventful life. Pondering on those parts of my life is extremely gratifying and actually relaxing! Thank you for this! I participated in The Artist’s Way activities a couple of times over the years and got a lot out of the experience. I will revisit those writings as a starting place! I feel, like Cynthia – below – that this is the “push” I needed to begin. (I hope Cynthia was successful in pursuit of her goal!)
Thanks for this helpful information. I have been thinking how I would write about my life for months now and didn’t know how I would go about it. I believe now I have the push I needed to start.
Cynthia