Celebrating My Survival: 25 Years Later

Each October, I am reminded of my two bouts with breast cancer. My first bout was 25 years ago, just months after the World Trade Center towers fell to the ground. My second bout was only two years ago, at the age of 70. So in 25 years, I’ve had two breast cancers and two mastectomies and reconstructions.

Today, one in eight women will develop invasive breast cancer in their lifetime, and statistics tell us that the chances increase as we age. Overall, the incidence is about 132.5 cases per 100,000 people. Fewer than 1% of cases occur in men.

There is no cancer in my family, so receiving my first diagnosis came as a huge shock. As the mother of two daughters (and a son), I was also afraid for them.

My First Diagnosis

My first diagnosis was DCIS, ductal carcinoma in situ, an early form of breast cancer found in the milk ducts. Thankfully, there was no node involvement. However, I wasn’t so lucky the second time around.

Despite annual mammograms, I was diagnosed with invasive lobular breast cancer, which was much more serious and aggressive than my first cancer. This time there was node involvement. As a result, I needed radiation, a mastectomy, and reconstruction. Because my cancer was estrogen-driven, I also had to begin monthly injections of fulvestrant, a medication that reduces the number of estrogen receptors in the body.

Dealing with Mastectomy and Reconstruction

One of the physical drawbacks of having had mastectomies and reconstruction is how they forever change your physical landscape. It helps to have a supportive partner who always reminds you how beautiful you are and how happy they are that you’re alive.

The plastic surgeon who did my first surgery, was wonderful at helping me feel good about my body. Not only did he encourage me to keep a journal (he knew I was a writer), but he also urged me to buy sexy lingerie and, when possible, to wear provocative clothes, first around the house and then when going out.

Another difficult part about this type of surgery is the complete loss of sensation in the nipple area. There’s no erotic sensation at all. The nipple and surrounding areas are completely numb. My first surgeon said that some women get sensation back, but I never did, even though, once in a while I will get phantom feelings.

Dealing with Emotions

To maintain my emotional balance during the early post-op days, I focused on my own healing. I spoke with a nurse-therapist who helped breast-cancer patients cope with the psychological adjustment of losing a breast. From the first appointment onward, she walked me through creative-visualization techniques, and each night I listened to healing tapes. She also encouraged me to take it day at a time and to focus on my own needs.

Each time, I needed ample time alone to reflect. Sometimes I’d just sit in the backyard, journaling and writing letters to loved ones who had passed. Some of those journal entries, in fact, eventually turned into published articles that helped other women face their own demons around breast cancer. My second memoir, Healing with Words, which I call a self-help memoir, because I have journaling prompts at the end of each chapter, came out of that experience, and this last year marked the book’s 15th anniversary.

For years, I’ve honored my passion for journaling and loved sharing it with others by teaching writing. I’ve been writing down my thoughts since I was ten, when my mother gave me my first journal. These days, I call my journal a writer’s notebook, and it’s a place where I can be honest with myself and record feelings, thoughts, fears, and whatever else crosses my mind on any given day.

By maintaining a regular journaling and meditation practice, I’ve learned to cope with my history of cancer. I’ve tried to focus on all the positive aspects of my life: a loving husband, three wonderful children (and their significant others), six grandchildren, and a successful career.

Empowered by Life’s Journeys

By coming to grips with our life journeys, we become empowered by them. I’ve tried to use all of my experiences to push me forward. I’ve learned that emotional healing usually takes longer than physical healing, and I’ve tried to surround myself with people who have good energy and who don’t bring me down. Cancer still holds a stigma, but maybe not as much as it did years ago. It’s probably not wise to dwell on having had breast cancer, but it’s also important not to forget it, either!

In the end, there’s no way around it – it’s simply not easy being a woman. There are many concerns, issues, decisions, hurdles, and milestones, but there are also many high points, so it’s important that we always take a moment to celebrate them!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How do you remember and celebrate the hardships you’ve been through and the victories you’ve accumulated?