Have you ever wondered why, after healing an emotional wound from your past, you still find yourself instantly triggered by the same issue years later?
If you can relate, you are not alone.
In this article, and the accompanying video, we are going to answer this question and more, as I take you on a journey to discover how to find emotional freedom from surface level healing.
Surface level healing is akin to chopping weeds without pulling out the root. It is only a matter of time before the weeds grow back.
Which is the same as saying, when you don’t heal an emotional wound at its root, it is only a matter of time before you are triggered once again by the source of it. The more the emotional trigger goes unchecked, the more likely another life crisis emerges.
In many cases, each life crisis starts to look the same. In fact, when you get past the surface level appearances, they all exhibit the same themes and patterns.
People unknowingly create their present-day challenges, and therefore, their life crises based on unhealed trauma and repressed emotions from the past.
Two common examples, especially for those of us over 60, are romantic relationships and money.
If you have unhealed trauma associated with relationships or money, it is a certainty you also carry limiting beliefs about them.
Without becoming aware of the limiting beliefs and healing the trauma that gave rise to these beliefs, you will keep experiencing difficulties with relationships and finances.
It reminds me of a meme I recently saw that beautifully summed this up:
“Don’t repeat chapters, the ending of the story will never change.”
This is akin to walking in circles and expecting to reach a new and inspired destination. As non-sensible as this may sound, we have all found ourselves doing this in our lives.
So, where do you start reclaiming your freedom from surface level healing?
Taking responsibility for the contents of your emotional baggage. This, however, is the one thing many people try their best to avoid.
In my previous four-part series, on Unpacking Your Emotional Baggage After 60, we looked at the importance of unpacking limiting beliefs (the contents) from your metaphorical suitcase.
We also discussed why most of the contents are not yours to begin with.
They are part of your early childhood experiences, framed by rigid instructions for how you should behave. Over time, they unconsciously morph into guidelines and beliefs for how to live life as an adult.
While many of these beliefs may have once served you, most will not support your desires for a better life after 60.
That is why when it comes to healing emotional wounds of the past at their root, it is not enough to simply acknowledge them or even passively forgive situations or people.
The same holds true for the contents of your emotional baggage.
Taking 100% responsibility for what is in your metaphorical suitcase is the same as taking 100% responsibility for your emotional state.
Therefore, the days of looking to the outside world or other people to make you feel better, or blaming them for not feeling good, is replaced by reclaiming your freedom to choose life on your terms.
Where do you do this? The only place you can. Within you.
If the solution to life’s challenges, and the answer to your desires, all happen inside you, why is it so difficult to make the necessary changes for the life you seek?
One reason is most of us were raised and educated to see life’s problems and solutions outside of us. This makes it difficult to take 100% responsibility for your emotional states.
Another reason is that many contents of your emotional baggage have their origins from early childhood. This is when you were unable to protect yourself or make sense of what was happening.
In these circumstances, it is true, the outside world had a profound impact on your emotional state.
But what about now?
As a woman over 60, who has gleaned the wisdom of life, you are now in charge of your emotional states.
That means taking 100% responsibility for what is in your metaphorical suitcase is the same as taking 100% responsibility for your emotional state.
You are not condoning what happened in the past. Instead, you are taking back your power that was stripped from you.
In the companion video for this article, I share additional insights and guide you through three journal prompts and two action items to help you further integrate what you are learning.
Do you take responsibility for your emotions or do you prefer to avoid it all altogether? What is the root cause to your issues and are you willing to deal with it?
Tags Finding Happiness
I took an MBCT course 15 years ago changed my life. I now know what makes me tick and understand my emotions and how to work with them and not against them. I shudder to think what my life would have been like had the universe not brought me the gift of Mindfullness Meditation and an entire toolbox to deal with life. I just thought if the the world would just stop I would be fine. Learning how to deal with life moment to moment is much easier, then letting the voices in your head convince you that they are your reality when in fact they are just thoughts, not facts. Namaste.
What you say is so true. Often, unfortunately, it is a case of being able to take a horse to water, but not being able to make it drink. Too often, it seems to be easier to blame others, rather than accept our own responsibility for things that have happened. It also seems to be difficult to see events from the other’s point of view.