Finding love after 60 is a major topic of discussion and curiosity for women in the Sixty and Me community – and with good reason. Many women over 60 are embarking on a new stage of life with different relationship statuses than were common in our parents’ era. Some women are recently divorced. Others became widows or simply chose to never marry in the first place.
This leaves many women wondering whether it is worth re-entering the dating world and looking for the best way to go about finding love after 60.
When I asked women in our Sixty and Me community: Can we be loved again? Is finding love after 60 possible? The feedback was always enlightening.
Here are a few of the main points on the minds of women who are grappling with the challenges and opportunities of finding love after 60:
Many women in their 60s have been hurt, divorced, or widowed. Going through the dissolution of a marriage or a disappointing romantic relationship can often feel intensely painful. Many women over 60 are learning how to re-engage with their sense of self-worth and self-love.
Some women said that they could not imagine being loved again. Others shared that they had tried dating, but none of their relationships had worked out. So they have started focusing on their own interests, activities, and families, regardless of whether they can find “the right man.”
Many women our age are having a hard time trusting men – whether due to a painful divorce or a series of disappointing dating experiences. Many women over 60 find that their sense of confidence is broken and feel disillusioned by men and marriage.
A few women mentioned that many men our age are emotionally damaged, and others find that they no longer trust men’s motives. Others said that the longer you are single, the harder it becomes to fall in love. You get set in your ways and are no longer willing to make yourself vulnerable in the ways that dating requires, or be open to a new serious romantic relationship.
Many women our age might have had marriages where the man was “in charge” and where we might have felt we were making our own interests and needs subservient to his. Some women commented that they aren’t even looking, because they don’t want to have to take care of a man and would rather just take care of themselves.
Other women said that even though they realize that they do not “need” a man to make them happy, they would like to find someone to share their lives with.
One challenge of dating over 60 is that the whole concept of romantic relationships has a different meaning at this stage of life. When the traditional roles have gone away, women over 60 are looking for different things in a man than we might have wanted when we were in our 20s, 30s, or 40s.
Most women our age are interested in finding a man who shares mutual interests, common dreams, and a common worldview. We want to be appreciated and have someone with whom to share adventures and laughter.
We are no longer looking for a relationship with the goal of having children and building a “home” together. Dating over 60 is often more about having fun and finding a partnership of equals. This can be positive or negative depending on what you want from a relationship.
Some women enjoy the fun of meeting new people and going on casual dates, while others might find casual dating to be lonely or disappointing.
Some women might distrust the motives of men who have been divorced multiple times, or who seem needy or inattentive. There are definitely many good men out there, and hopefully, women over 60 can get what they need out of their dating relationships. The foundation is trust, healthy relationship boundaries and habits, and mutual respect.
According to our Sixty and Me community, there are many places for women to find love after 60. Many women have had success with online dating if they approach it with a positive attitude. Not sure where to start? See our Top 5 Best Dating Sites For Seniors.
Other women have met good men at church or in community organizations, or just while out walking in the park. Another option is to simply go to the places you love and do the things you love to do. Any man who shares your interests is likely to be frequenting the same places.
Another idea that is gaining in popularity is to hire a dating coach. According to this article in the New York Times, some matchmakers and dating coaches are now specializing in coaching for people over 60.
If you are willing to invest some time and money in personal sessions with a dating coach, you might find better matches faster. At the same time, you can learn a lot about yourself, your preferences, and your life goals along the way.
Social media has opened wonderful doors for connection, so don’t be afraid to look up a single high school friend and even consider attending your next reunion or class event. Use LinkedIn to casually say hi to interesting men you’ve met at events. You will find out soon enough if they are married or committed, so for now, just be friendly and see what happens.
Let single girlfriends know that you are actively looking for a relationship – maybe they know someone who is perfect for you!
Many cities have an organization called Meetup. You can join groups for everything you can possibly imagine including hiking, art, photography, travel, or dining out. They also have events for men and women our age and can be a great opportunity to meet new people, whether you are looking for love or not.
Often the conversation about dating over 60 focuses on the idea that women are at an inherent disadvantage with too many eligible women our age chasing too few good men. While this is true, men our age are often struggling with the same types of worries, doubts, and negative feelings that women might have.
Before your first date, try to understand the psychology of an older man – he is also probably feeling a bit nervous, hesitant, and afraid of rejection. So start a conversation, flirt a little, laugh a lot, and be feminine and fun.
Don’t feel like you have to control the whole date, drive conversation, or make all the plans – try to help him feel competent and comfortable. Dating should not be a power struggle! Be spontaneous and go with the flow.
When I interviewed David Wygant, he pointed out that men want to feel appreciated too. They want to feel desirable and honored. They want to feel you recognize they have something valuable to offer, whether it’s conversation, companionship, or shared interests.
Enjoy each other’s company and try to find something to admire about every man you meet. Even if it’s not a “love connection,” take the attitude that there are plenty of fish in the sea. Here’s my interview with David.
It’s time to set the record straight. Here’s the deal. Most men do want to be in a relationship with women closer to their age. This is because they share a common history with each other. Most men do try out younger women because they feel appreciated by them, something they don’t always feel from women their own age.
You see, men want to be your hero. It’s literally in their DNA coding to keep you safe, protected, and provided for. They want to make you happy and will do anything within their power to make that happen for you.
Making a man your hero is the secret to getting his cooperation easily. These two phrases will bring out the hero response in a man. They work very well when you need him to do something for you.
Phrase #1 is “I need your help…” then ask for what you need.
Phrase #2 is “Could you do me a favor…” then ask for what you need.
When I’ve used these phrases, I’ve had men tell me they love helping a woman who needs their help. Try it. It will make a huge difference with the men in your life.
Perhaps the most encouraging sign from our Sixty and Me community is that the vast majority of women over 60 seem to be optimistic about the prospect for love in their lives. This can take the form of a marriage, a committed relationship, or just walking down the street holding hands with someone special.
Love can be part of your life at any age. Hopefully, we all can be brave, confident, and open to possibilities, and willing to take a chance on letting love into our hearts once more.
What are your feelings on finding love after 60? Is it possible? Is it too hard? Are there any aspects of dating over 60 that you’ve found to be surprisingly fun and enjoyable? Please leave a comment below.